Back To Basics

Chapter 15 - "Better than you know yourself."

His eyes pleaded with her to let him in. Not just in her room, but back into her heart. She studied his face through the thick glass window. He looked disheveled and distraught. His clothes were soaked. It wasn't until she looked past him that she noticed the rain pouring down outside.

She leans over and unlocks the hatch, sliding open the window that he could barely fit through. They stand before each other, as he climbs inside dripping wet. Everything was silent. All she could hear was the rain outside her window and the sound of her heart pounding in her chest. When he finally spoke, his words filled the air and left a bittersweet taste on her tongue.

"I'm in love with you." He says calmly, looking into her eyes.

"No, you're not."

How could he love her? When you love someone you don't give up on them. You fight. And he didn't.

Although the same could be said for her. She just accepted it. He gave up on them but she walked away. They were both guilty of not trying hard enough. It was something she struggled with for months this past summer. She kept thinking to herself 'if only I asked him not to go' or 'if only I told him we could make it work no matter what.' In the end all she was left with was a bunch of 'if only's and a broken heart.

But this right here hurt more than anything. Hearing him say those words stung worse than when he left. She felt like the world was playing a cruel joke on her.

"Yes I am." He insists, taking a step closer.

"You weren't in love with me in March why should I believe you're in love with me now, 6 months later?"

He thought back to the last time he saw her. It was after his fight with Charlie. His dad had just dropped the bomb that he was sending him off to Texas. They had the perfect little family and Lucas was ruining that image so he had to go.

He remembers how worried Riley looked. She was so warm and comforting back then. He could still see the look on her face when he said he was leaving and that it was better this way. Her face mimicked the way he was feeling inside. Like tiny daggers were being dragged across his stomach.

He never meant to hurt her. In fact, during one of their many nightly conversations he promised her he'd never ever hurt her. But he did.

At the time he thought it was with good reason. He couldn't help but notice a path of destruction in her life once he got involved. Everyone warned her he was bad news, his own friends included. He wanted to prove them wrong but more than anything he wanted Riley to be happy. It just seemed like she'd have a better chance at being happy if he wasn't around.

"I was in love with you when I left, Riley. I've been in love with you since last September!"

"I don't believe you." She shouts back.

"Why not?" He gets closer, leaving only a few inches between them.

"Because..." She trails off, "Because you don't even know me anymore."

"That's ridiculous! What are you even talking about?" He scoffs.

"You don't know the real m–."

"Oh don't give me that bullshit." He cuts her off.

"Excuse me?"

"I know you Riley. Better than you know yourself." He snaps back.

"Now who's being ridiculous?" She takes a few steps back and sits at the edge of her bed.

He tilts his head to the side, taking her in.

"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."

"What did you say?" Her eyes grow wide.

"It's your favorite quote from Wuthering Heights. I know it's your favorite because it's the only line out of the whole book that you have highlighted and the way your eyes shine when you read it, well that's a dead giveaway too."

He pauses for her to say something but she doesn't so he continues.

"I know you've read that book more times than you can count. I know you Riley..."

"That doesn't prove that you know me."

Another long pause.

"Even though everyone thinks its purple, your favorite color is actually blue. You only like red candy and you refuse to call it by its flavor, you just call it the red kind. You bite the heads off gummy bears so it's more humane. You love the rain, the sound of it helps you sleep. Your favorite Disney princess isn't even a princess, it's Mulan, a war hero...You haven't told anyone yet but you're a vegetarian. I know you never eat the meat off your plate, you always either give it to Auggie or put it in your napkin. I know you struggle with anxiety and some days are better than others...You want to be a journalist when you grow up, you want to help people tell their stories. I know you Riley because I love you."

She sits there quietly, fighting back the tears that were gathering in her eyes. He crouches down to meet her eye level, taking her hands in his.

He was half expecting her to pull away from his touch but when she didn't he knew there was a tiny piece of her that believed him and that was enough.

"I never wanted to hurt you...and I sure as hell didn't want to leave. But it was like I was drowning and I refused to drag you down with me. I already ruined my family's life...I didn't want to ruin yours too."

"I think you were right back then...it was for the best."

"No! No, I was wrong." He tries to hold her hand but she pulls away, standing up from her bed.

"You wanted me to fight for us, right? Well here I am! Standing in the middle of your room, soaking wet, asking you to give me another chance."

"I can't." She says softly, dropping her eyes to her feet.

"Can't or won't?"

She lets out a deep breath before returning her gaze to him. "Lucas..."

In a swift motion he pulls her into him, pressing his lips against hers taking her by complete surprise.

"No!" She pushes him off, wiping her tear stained face. "You can't just kiss me and think it's going to make everything better! It's not just going to erase these last 6 months..."

"Riley, I–."

"Just go." She interrupts him, walking back over to the bay window.

"What? No." He glances towards the open window and back over to her. "We have to talk this out."

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be. Please, Lucas. Just...just go."

Riley watches him climb outside and make his way down her fire escape, only closing the window once he's out of sight.

She stands there for a moment, stunned.

She wanted to forgive him and if she was being honest with herself, she started to the second she saw the typewriter on her window seat. But she didn't want to be that person who just leaps into the arms of the one who hurt them the moment they come back into their lives. She learned her lesson the first time. If Lucas was serious about this, he was going to have to prove it to her.

Riley may be in love with him but it's going to take more than a declaration of love to win her back this time.