The Lost Asgardian (Loki)

Entry 5) Beautiful Nightmare

A man with angelically pale skin sat on the edge of my bed, still wearing the cloak though the hood allowed his face to show. Saying his hair was merely black in color would not have been accurate. His hair was a very rich black, looking silky smooth as it was slicked back. His eyes looked far too blue, almost an unreal clear color. He was not staring directly at me, this was something I could simply note from previous dreams of mine as his face started coming back to my recollection. Loki looked to be in his late twenties. There was something about him my dim dreams did not seem to capture fully; it was just how impossibly beautiful he really was. It was a beauty that did not need anything to enhance it, a beauty that would and should put models to shame. He held the beauty of a god.


"I cannot look at your face for you bare the innocence of what you held as a young maiden," Loki finally said. He looked rather angry at his own remark as his jaw clenched tightly.
It was my shrill alarm on my cell phone going off that frightened me. I shuddered in place while Loki seemed rather relaxed. The sound did not bother him, almost as if he had heard much worse noises in his life. Usually, no matter how deeply invested I am in a dream, my alarm will always wake me up. As my head slowly tilted to the side to stare at my cell phone ringing and vibrating, I couldn't find myself waking up even though this noise sounded real. Slowly – hesitantly as Loki's eyes watched me move- I plucked up the phone. The very strange part was feeling the phone and how truly realistic it felt. Almost as though I were already awake when it went off.

My eyes widened as I tried to rationalize that this was simply me hallucinating. Quickly, I grabbed my nearby pills and popped open the container. Next, I grabbed a water bottle to chase the two tablets I took down. Loki did nothing but watch me, his expression unreadable. It was only as I slowly pulled myself from underneath the covers and got out of bed that his eyes seemed to widen in disbelief. "What in all of Valhalla are you wearing?"

I was wearing a Cookie Monster night dress that was maybe a little too tight given it was something I had gotten when I was twelve. It still fit; it just looked a little more scandalous than it actually was. "I have to reconsider the crazy farm," I admitted in a mumble, shaking my head. An idea flickered through me as I scratched my arm rather roughly. Pain shot through where my fingertips dragged across my skin, proving to me that I was, in fact, wide awake. "Ow," I mumbled.
"Of course you are in pain, you just harmed yourself," Loki said, his eyes now watching me as if I was the most bizarre creature he had ever laid eyes upon.
"Please stop talking," I said politely, gently releasing a breath. Perhaps if I was polite to the monsters haunting my head, they would repay me the same courtesy. You never know. It was worth a try.
"Those are the only words you have to say to me after all this time?" His disgust was not hidden.
I released an awkward chuckle, shaking my head as I half hurried half stumbled towards my dresser. "As soon as ten hits, I can take the second dose, and then nothing else should happen..." I prattled off, plucking a fresh pair of socks along with a bra out of the top drawer. Talking to myself usually helped me. Sadly, I found the human Loki was still sitting upon my bed, watching me as if I was a strange phenomenon taking place before his very eyes. "Sigyn. Look. At. Me."

His tone was no longer a representation of pleasant. There was a wicked tone to his voice, one that made a shiver tingle up my spine. My name is not Sigyn, but I still felt compelled to look at him. As my head slowly swiveled to watch the beautiful man, I felt strange as he watched me with cold eyes. Apart from before we got together, the Loki in my dreams is kind, considerate, and watches me as if I'm capable of walking on water. There's only love and utter devotion on his face and in his eyes. The Loki sitting before me is older. His face has lost all traces of adolescence. There is no trace of a childish look anywhere upon him. Even with his cloak, it's evident he's muscled, no longer the eighteen-year-old I dream about most nights. The most revealing moment that this is a far different hallucination than other ones is the realization that this version of Loki does not have a trace of love behind his bright blue eyes.

"There is something not quite right. I do not believe this is merely a thousand years of age difference and reincarnation that causes this," Loki said in an almost insinuating type of way. "You are not the same woman you once were."

Slowly, I took my hand to start slapping my cheek. Once. Twice. Three times in a row. Nothing worked. Usually, my hallucinations don't take this long to play out. They finish quickly enough, except when I'm asleep. But I'm awake. The alarm and the scratches proved that isn't the case, so I can't quite figure out what this is. "You know who it is I am," Loki said, standing. He slowly crept forward, watching me as if I were a deadly predator capable of causing great harm. The guy looked at me as if I were a disgusting animal that if he allowed me even a hint of wiggle room, I could turn on him.

One moment he was watching me across the room, and the next, he was right up in front of me, maybe only twelve inches separating us. Height was also a factor. Loki towered over me while I felt quite tiny in both height and weight. He out muscled me by a long shot. Even as he leaned his head lower to my head, I didn't feel afraid. Mentally, I was disturbed at my mind's ability to manipulate reality, but I felt a strange peacefulness to me, as if this was right, tender, normal.

Astrange tension filled the air. I felt inclined to lean forward and kiss him.Strangely, for a nanosecond, I felt he wanted the exact same thing. Our eyeskept glancing at each other's lips, almost as if it was taking strong willpoweron both of our parts not to capture the others lips in a soft embrace. "Doyou remember the knife, Sigyn?" Loki questioned in a whisper; his eyesnarrowed dangerously as he glared at me. His breath felt icy cold against myforehead as he spoke down at me. "Do you remember the way the razor-sharpblade felt against your soft flesh right before it killed you?"
A loud bang behind me sounded. Whipping around, I found my mother was in mydoorway with box of cereal and a pair of narrowed eyes. "Are you allright??"
Looking back to where Loki was, I found he was no longer there. It was done.Game over, hallucination gone. "Y-yeah," I answered, inwardly feelingthis wasn't true at all.
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