Polaroids {Philkas|Jamler Oneshots || Slow Updates}

• I Love the Way You Lie || Philkas •

{a/n: so~, yeah. 1x06 killed me, literally. I died a little more each second I had to see Philip suffer, and I couldn't watch him being humiliated while Lukas chose to ignore him, abandon him; I never hated a fictional character more tbh and I've never felt so devastated, lost and enpty after watching a TV show; props to the show, James Paxton amd Tyler Young - thank you, really. also, I don't really know if the following would count as triggering but I just tried to fit all the emotions in I felt during the episode (and failed miserably because it doesn't even nearly come to what I actually did feel), so I'll just put it this way: please read with caution! xx ~Aurora. PS.: thanks for +130 reads on the last chapter, you're amazing guys!}

• • •
» Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts;
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
But that's alright because I love the way you lie. «
• • •

And here he was again. Taking a deep breath inhaling a huge draft of the cooling air he tried to get enough oxygen into his lungs to breathe again. But the air would just get stuck in his throat, not quite reaching his lungs so that he had the feeling he'd choke on it and suffocate although his heart pumped wildly and the blood was rushing through his veins spurred by the produced adrenaline while he had been running – escaping – to get here, deafening him. He was cold from sitting on the high school's rooftop for hours by now, but he didn't care. What difference would it make anyway? He was cold, one way or another, the freezing temperature and the piping wind up here only perfectly reflecting his emotional state. He didn't have any energy much less willpower left to fight it, believe in anything. He was sick of bottling everything up and bearing everyone's burden atop of his own, wanting all the best for the people around him while they accused him of all those things he hadn't done, to a point where he just didn't care because it was all too much to handle and he had decided to go numb. He had any more tears to cry. He didn't feel anything anymore; no pain, guilt, hurt nor despair, just that delivering emptiness that he had finally let himself take over which just felt so absolutely relieving.

His mind had gone blank where seconds before a roaring tornado of thoughts had ravaged. He closed his eyes, leaning on the cold stone behind him and listening to the wind blowing around him, sealing him off from any other noises there might have been – apart from that reoccurring pinging sound that broke through time and again coming from his phone that seemed so distant although it lay right beside him. He sensed the corner of his lips tuck up into a tired smile, that was all he could manage. He didn't feel anything when looking at the display as Lukas' name constantly flashed up to signalize he had new incoming messages. No, that wasn't quite right. He actually did feel something as he quickly skipped through the countless texts that had successfully gotten through, which was satisfaction. Callous still, but satisfaction after all. There you go, Lukas. How does it feel to be ignored?, he thought sarcastically, reading the last few of them.

Lukas                                                            15:34
Philip, I'm sorry!
Lukas                                                         15:34
Please, answer me.
Lukas                                                        15:35
I'm worried about you.
Lukas                                                         15:35
Let me explain.
Lukas                                                         15:35
I didn't mean any of it, I swear...
Lukas                                                         16:17
Where are you?
Lukas                                                         16:17
Please, Philip...
Lukas                                                         16:19
Just – let me know you're alright.