Moonlight Desire (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 35

I can't do anything when Allen starts to dig the soil on the fresh grave of his daddy. I watched as Ivan takes the wailing Allen in his chest. He rocked the small body with and sometime flinched when Allen revolting in arms.

I look over the fresh grave again with a heavy feeling. I'm not strong enough to face the future alone again. The hot tears again flow out from my eye. I snapped my sight to the Ivan when I feel the electricity current in my hand. My mind has become zero as I saw the grave become small and small. It like I had drawn into my own world and wish to never ever getting up again.

My shield becomes zero and mindless walking without any aim. I don't know how I end up in my bedroom, staring at the wedding picture of us. Watching a big smile plastered on the face the person whom just left me.

The guilty hit me so fucking bad. Why I doubt his feeling all this time? Why I let the bad health of Alfred got me so hard. The doctor had explained that he suffered the partial memory loss. He can't help it when he can't remember who I am.

That was not his fault. I had let the sadness overshadow all his love and happiness we shared together. I'm the one who should bear the blame. I'm too weak when I let those dark whispering got the best of me. I want to laugh. I want to laugh over my stupidity. I just let five and half years we had spent together overwritten merely by the four weeks dark moments.

And, Alfred gotten into the fatal condition when he rescued my son. Why I can't think in better way? Why I let my mind roaming in doubtful? I'm worse. I'm scum. I'm sorry Alfred. I'm sorry Alfred. I chanted the phrase over and over until I was choked by my own sadness. The darkness blanketed my sight.

In the darkness, I watched Alfred screamed and painful whimpered when the dull saw severed both his hands, and when the axe chopped both of his legs. A group of thunderous laughter filled the room. I also watched when the faceless men take a pleasure from the small figure that screamed in the pain and hopelessness.

"Daddy help me, papa help me." My heart constricted tightly watching the nonstop scene replaying in my sight.

"They weren't in those humiliated and painful states if you never exist. Your son will not become a sex toy if you never being a freak whore. No man ever had the ability to reproduce. You're totally freak. And if you never met Alfred, he may still alive without the need to through such a painful experience."

"You're so selfish that start spread a bad luck into innocent's life. You're unworthy whore. You shouldn't keep alive when you had destroyed them. Someone like you disqualified to become a father when letting others to protect the one you should protect. If you still had a shred of humanity it better for you to end your life now than bring another misfortune to other."

The mysterious whispered make me gasp when I awoke. I immediately search in the drawer and find out the new sharp razor. I slashed my hand without thinking and stare to overflow red liquid fascinating.

I lay on the bed letting the bleeding hand hanging on the air. Strangely, I didn't feel any pain or dizziness. I just vacant from any emotion at the moment as if all the feeling flowed out with the blood. The moment doesn't last too long when the door hastily open.

Ivan comes close with the rage show clearly in his face. I saw how he barely contain it result his body shaking when he stare me. I pull my hand when he grabs it. But my weak condition had prevented me from rebel against him.

He carried me into the bathroom again as I lose the will to fight back when he treated the bleeding hand. I just saw how he cleans the wounded area and licks to disinfect the area. I know they had fast generate healing but do it working on me? As is to answer my question, the place starts to amend itself.