For Cecixx15
Not my imagine I take no credit in making this at all!!! Once again not my imagine all credits to the maker of this
My arms were currently numb, I was trying to feel something but I just couldn't. My eyes hurt; I was convinced they were red and swollen because of all the crying. I placed the razor on top of my right wrist, the metal was cold and sharp. My hands kept shaking and my breath couldn't get stabilized. I pressed slightly and pushed it to a side making a deep cut. I bit my lip and shut my eyes close as I felt pain this time. It burned. I opened my eyes and the only thing I saw was red, blood flooding from my skin and dropping on the floor. Others and some minor scratches followed that cut, and more blood eventually came out.
Once I came into my five senses, I threw the bloody razor across the bathroom and I looked myself in the mirror, action I hadn't dared to do previously. Tears started streaming down my face and I tried my best to stop the disconsolate sobs, but it was useless. My knees were shaking so badly, so eventually I fell down. I hated this shit, I wanted to stop really but I found it comforting somehow. I had this crazy idea cutting took the pain away, I knew it wasn't true but with time I had convinced myself it worked that way.
"Ceci Are you home?" I heard a voice shouting from downstairs. I opened my eyes widely while I took my phone, which was lying on top of the closed toilet. I had 5 missed calls and million of texts from my boyfriend, Johann Shit, he was here. I quickly stood up and started washing my scars with the cold water. It burned like hell, but I had to do it. The blood took ages to get away completely, making me even more nervous. I put on my hoodie so the sleeves would cover my scars. I took the razor and threw it inside the cabinet. I look at the mirror and cleaned my tears and tried to reduce the redness of my eyes. I headed outside and out if my room to find Johann almost stepping in. I sighed in relief, as a big fake smile appeared in my face. He copied my action and hugged me tightly. I rested my chin on his shoulder while he kissed my cheek.
"Hey" he exclaimed joyfully while he sat on my bed.
"Hey" I replied with the happiest tone I could use.
"Why didn't you answer my texts or calls? I was starting to get worried Ceci"
"I'm sorry, I was sleeping"
"Yeah, I can tell. You eyes are all puffy and your hair is a mess. And you are wearing my hoodie, you always wear that when you sleep" he wrapped his arms around my waist. I giggled. I felt so bad lying to him, but I couldn't tell him, he would be mad and sad.
"Wanna continue sleeping? I'm so tired"
"Yeah, please" I exclaimed laying down as he hugged me and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and quickly feel asleep.
-
I yawned and opened my eyes as I felt some sort of emptiness next to me. I saw Johann wasn't lying by my side, but he was sitting at the edge of the bed. I quickly got out of the sheets and tried to hug him from behind but he pushed me away. He turned around and his eyes were slightly shiny.
"What's wrong babe?" I asked my heart gradually beating faster. He didn't answer me; he just kept his eyes forward. "Johann, look at me"
"What's all that blood in the bathroom?" he asked quickly, his eyes blurring even more.
I was the most stupid person in the world, I couldn't believe I had forgotten to clean the fucking blood, I started sweating and my eyes unconsciously started forming tears, "I... my nose started bleeding and"
"And you keep lying to me!" he almost shouted making me closed my eyes tightly to try to stop the threatening tears. "It's impossible that quantity of blood came out of your nose"
"Johann, just listen to me"
"Show me your wrists"
"Johann"
"Now"
I slowly pulled up the sleeves of my hoodie revealing a couple of scars and scratches; they looked worse than they did before. His face turned white and sadness invaded it. I exploded then; I couldn't take that shit anymore, so I just cried my heart out. Because I was too ashamed and too depressed and too sad. I hid my face with my hands as the crying because louder.
He grabbed my hands, took them away from my face, and held them in his.
"why?" he asked
"I don't... know. I-I feel sad and... u-useless and..."
"You are not, babe, you are not useless and you are so much more worth it than this. You are stronger than this." He started crying too. I nodded my head, "I'm sorry"
"Why?" I asked.
"I should have realized, I should have stopped this and should have been there for you"
"You were"
"No, I wasn't. I left you alone most of the nights and I just didn't call you to see how your day was. I should have texted you at least and hung out with you and do stuff couples do and..."
"It's not your fault, Johann, really" I said cupping his face with my hands.
"Just promise me you will stop please. I can't see you hurting yourself, I just cant loose you ceci. I would die if something happened to you. Promise me you will stop"
I sobbed while I cleaned my eyes, "I promise"
He hugged me really tightly. I rested me head on his chest as I tried to calm myself down. Being in his arms just felt right. I was so lucky, so damn lucky to have him.
"I love you so much, you are so beautiful" he said pulling away slowly and looking to my eyes, "God, I love you" he pecked my lips.
"I love you too" I smiled faintly, "Thanks for being here"
"Always"
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Once again this was not my imagine I just fixed it up 👌🏼 so yeah peace out until my next update 😛💖
