This Ones For You

Chapter One

*present day*

"FLORENCE KYANN JONES GET UP RIGHT NOW OR YOU'LL BE LATE FOR YOUR DANCE AUDITION," my mom yells from the bottom of the stairs. I continue to stare at my ceiling as I have been for twenty minutes now.

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"Florence did you not hear me yelling for you??" She asks with a furious look on her face. "Yes, I just chose not to do what you asked," I close my eyes so that I don't have to see her nostrils flaring and her face growing crimson red. "Flynn you cannot keep throwing your life away like this you need to get out there and dance again, I mean for gods sake you don't even know what love is," she rolls her eyes. "Yeah well I wouldn't say that you know what love is either mom," I spit back at her.

"Florence please don't start that, you know that your father and I somewhere deep, deep down have a little bit of love for each other," she says expecting me to believe that's an okay definition of love.  "Anyways get up you are going to that dance audition," mom says with a sickly smile that says all she cares about is me becoming famous so that she can brag to all the ladies in her yoga class how successful her family is.

"No, you know I think all I feel like doing today is a whole lot of anything but what you want me to do." I say pulling my covers over my face. "Flynn cut the crap and your attitude you are twenty years old and it has been two years you need to stop acting like such a child now get up," she says slamming the door to my room but I don't move a muscle.

The next person to visit my room is my dad. "Flynn why do you have to be like this? Can't you just listen to what your mom tells you to do so that I don't have to hear about it?" He sighs. "No because I can't do this without him dad, I just can't," I whisper. "I knew that boy was no good, just look at you, you have no ambition because he died," my father rants the same rant he does every day. "Dad I wouldn't expect you to understand either, you don't love mom, or your barber for that matter," I look him in the eye.

"Look I told you I don't know what you think happened between Jake and I but you didn't see anything," he has a warning in his voice. "I know what I saw, I saw you and Jake on your bed doing things that mom wouldn't be so happy with," I taunt him. "I am not scared of your mom," he hides the truth behind a laugh. "Dad being gay or even bisexual isn't bad but you hiding it from mom, well the longer you do the bigger a grave you are digging for yourself," I point out.

Fed up he leaves and once again I am left in my own thoughts.

Ever since Ben died I haven't danced at all, what's the point. As you can see my parents don't exactly agree with the way that I am handling it. I don't know why it even matters to my parents anymore. I make good money working at a vintage store downtown so it isn't like I am completely useless.

My friends don't agree wit my decisions either they think it's stupid I haven't started dating again, don't go to parties, and wear sweats every day. I don't give a crap what any of they say because no matter how they feel my heart will always be hurting because my soul mate died and I will never get him back.  The only person who gets me in all of this is Bens mom, who I go to visit every Tuesday. Susanna treats me so kind and understands my pain.

After Ben died Susanna's husband left her for a new family so I became the person she could share everything with and me to her. That day in the hospital I could hear her screaming for Ben and then a moment later for me.  She constantly reminds me that we should be grateful that I survived because if I didn't then she wouldn't have anything to hold onto.

I get dressed in my most comfortable pair of sweats and one of Bens old shirts and then go out to my car. Once to Susanna's I go inside and to the kitchen where I can smell her baking cookies. "Oh Flynn dear it is so good to see you I've missed you. You didn't come last Tuesday," she takes my hands. "I couldn't do it Susanna it was the day he died and I just couldn't get up, I could hardly breath," I start to cry. "Oh Flynn." She takes my face in her hands.

"Follow me Flynn I have something for you," she takes my hand and we go to Bens room. She goes to his desk and opens the bottom drawer and takes out a gift wrapped box. "Here, I was waiting for the perfect time to give it to you.

I open the wrapping carefully and read the note on the wrapping.

Flynn Kyann Jones,

You are the love of my life and every moment I spend away from you I think of you always. We are very, very young but I have never ever been more sure of anybody in my life. This was my grandmothers and now it is yours.

Love,
Benjamin

I take the present out of the wrapping to see a black box. I open the box and gasp at the vintage ring inside the box.

"When he told me that he wanted to marry you I knew just how much he had learned. You were the girl I had always dreamt my son would end up with so I more than willingly gave the ring to him. He loved you so much that age didn't matter just as long as you two had each other. I want you to keep the ring even though you will never get to share that day with Ben," Susanna says to me tears strolling down her face. I am unsure what to say so I let the silent tears roll down my face.

"Flynn will you marry him?" Susanna looks at me.

"Yes."

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After a whole day with Susanna I am too tired to go home and deal with my mom so Susanna lets me stay in Bens  room.  I cuddle into his sheets like I have done so many times and I cry.

I cry for Ben.
I cry for the future we will never have.
I cry for Susanna.
I cry.

I pick up my phone and in the first time in forever I look at the video that used to make me so happy but now makes me sad.

Fourteen year old Ben holds his camera up in selfie mode

"Commence operation get Flynn Jones to go on a date with me." He laughs into the camera

He walks over to the ballet railing that I am holding onto.

"So Flynn what do you hope to place at nationals??" He asks

"Benjamin get that camera out of my face, and first of course," I smile smugly at the camera.

"Oh well I just hope to score...... a date with you that is." He smiles that sweet smile of his.

"Haha funny one Ben like you would want to go on a date with me," I am mad now, thinking that he is making fun of me.

"I'm serious Flynn I want to go on a date with you," he says with humor in his voice.

I look shocked for a moment and then snap out of it

"Well if that is what you want, then yes I will go on a date with you."

"Whooo ladies and gentlemen she said yes," he smiles bright into the camera and then the video ends.

I cover my mouth so that the sobs aren't so loud and totally lose it. I sit up and hug my knees, sobbing because nothing else seems to work right now. I really did think that after a few years the pain would go away but it never did. So many times I want to give up completely but I know that isn't the answer. Ever since that night I have been begging god to let me see him one last time but at this point I'm not even so sure I believe in god at all. 

"Please just give him back to me, I love him so much," I sob out loud.

Of course no one answers me, I'm just talking to air with hopes of something that can, and will never happen. That is why I don't dance anymore is because if I can't have the one person who loved it more than I did the. Why do I even bother it just seems utterly pointless. I get up and go over to his laptop and type in his password. She. The computer turns on I am instantly shown a picture of him and me eating a cotton candy at the same time. This was always his favorite for unknown reasons other than the fact he used to say it showed how we could share anything with each other.

Now I'll never have that again.