i never promised you a rose garden » fillie

» chapter 14 «

m i l l i e ☀︎

I didn't go to the set today. Part of it was that I had no reason. I had made it through 10 days. I had 10 perfectly valid reasons, and the final day would make everything count. I had stayed up the past night til the early morning, writing down reasons and then crossing them out.

Nothing felt right. Some weren't understandable, and others felt like repeats of earlier days. I threw my notebook to the ground, covering my face with my hands.

The other part of why I didn't go to set was embarrassment. Finn knew how I felt. He knew that I liked him. I liked him more than as a friend. I was even more embarrassed that I almost jumped off of that roof like Finn almost had. I had acted impulsively. Finn had grabbed me yesterday, clutching me close and whispering to never do that again. I wouldn't. It was too much heartbreak for me. I couldn't imagine a world without myself, Millie Bobby Brown. How could I live in a world without Finn?

Tears burned like fire. Finn was going to jump off of a roof tomorrow because I couldn't come up with one measly reason to make him stay. My heart clenched due to guilt and apprehension. I went back to twisting my ring again and biting my lip. I glanced at the clock. It read 1:56 PM. I had about three hours before I would force myself to find Finn. Three hours to make up a reason.

I couldn't hide forever. I had no reason for Finn, but I had to see him. I couldn't leave him hanging. Standing in front of my closet, I looked through my shirts. I couldn't just dress in sweats or something. Today was important. However I dressed, it could be the last time Finn saw me. I teared up thinking about it. I shook my head to try to rid my thoughts and finally decided on a lace off-the-shoulder shirt. It was dark blue with ¾ sleeves. I paired it with a black skirt. I dressed robotically, slipping into a pair of sneakers.

What if I messed this up? What if the sloppy reason I could put together didn't work? My worry slowly spiraled out of control. I blinked, grabbing my purse and coat. I couldn't even think properly. I just had to find a reason. It was the only thing on my jumbled mind.

My mom called for me, and I hurriedly ran and got into the car. I distractedly stared out of the window. "Are you okay, Mills?" my mom asked.

"Hmm?" I replied. "Oh yeah, totally. Sorry about making you take today off. I just didn't feel so good this morning. I'm much better."

"'Course honey," Mom turned on the radio, humming along. "Make sure to go to sleep early tonight. Homework can wait, heath is more important."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Where do you want me to drop you off?" she asked.

"Um, the front. I can walk."

"Have fun, sweetie." I got out of the car and started to walk towards the trailers. Noah was standing outside mine, tapping his foot.

"Noah?" I asked. He turned, startled, and sighed, pulling me inside my trailer.

"Millie, oh my god, you know what-"

"Noah," I interrupted. "Breathe. Speak."

"Finn's worried. He doesn't know where you are. I'm so glad you told me about the whole 11 days thing. I had to calm him and convince him you were just doing something extra. Also, nice shirt," Noah rushedly said.

"Thanks," I murmured. "Um, so, I guess, I- I don't have a reason."

Noah sat down, rubbing his forehead. "What have you already used?"

"Friends, guitar, movies, family, acting, fans, the future, riding horses, mileven, and Stranger Things," I said, counting them on my fingers.

"You literally forgot the most important thing ever!" Noah exclaimed.