i never promised you a rose garden » fillie

» chapter 10 «

m i l l i e ☀︎

I rubbed my eyes as I made my way to my trailer. I had stayed up late the past night brainstorming and thinking of reasons. I had pieced together a fuzzy reason. If one stared hard enough, it looked like a legitimate reason. It could be a real reason. I thought that it was.

I checked my phone, reading another text, when I bumped into someone. I glanced up. "Okay, Millie, why are you so stressed?" Noah asked, confronting me in the hall.

"Um, I just, okay," I mumbled, startled at Noah's abruptness. "Somewhere private." We walked into my dressing room, and I locked the door.

"Spill."

"Um, well, basically, Finngavemeelevendaystogivehimelevenreasonstolive," I rushedly said. Noah glanced at me confusedly, sitting on the chair. "Finn gave me eleven days to give him eleven reasons to live. Today is day 7."

"Um, so he's being emo?"

"He's depressed," I corrected him. "I genuinely think he is."

"Oh, so, just make up reasons?" Noah questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"I want to give him good reasons, not terrible ones," I murmured. "I'm his friend, no offense, I can't just brush it off and make up some random things."

"Well, okay."

"You aren't going to tell Finn?"

"It seems like you don't want me to," Noah cautiously said, playing with one of the make-up brushes. I nodded. "Well, just let me know if you need to brainstorm or distract him," he finished, picking up the brush and swirling it on his hand.

"You're going to help?"

"Um, I'm also Finn's friend. Just because Finn may not have come to me for help, doesn't mean I won't help him in his time of need. Relax, it'll be fun. What's today's reason?" Noah cheerfully asked, setting the make-up brush down and turning his attention to me.

"The future," I answered.

"Vague," Noah commented, "but good. Finn likes deep stuff. He has this little note on his phone called 'deep seas', and there are all these sadly beautiful quotes. I stole his phone once and that's how I know. Well, are you good for today? Do I need to distract? Confront?"

"No, I've got today, but I'll text if I need help."

"You better! You haven't texted me for a while."

"Noah, it's been a week," I teased.

"Five days," Noah said, shaking his head. "Shaking my head, I was beginning to think you forgot about me."

"Smh," I replied, rolling my eyes. "Even though I see you almost every day."

Noah shrugged. "Now go! Save Finny-boi."

"Mm 'kay," I answered, shrugging out of my coat.

"Wait!" Noah exclaimed, nearly falling out of his chair in his attempt to stop me.

"Hm?"

"Truth or dare?"

"Do you want me to go or not?" I impatiently questioned in reply.

"Answer the question, smarty pants."

"Truth," I murmured.

"Do you like Finn?" Noah innocently and slyly asked.

"Um," I paused. "Of course I do, he's my friend."

"You know what I mean," Noah amended.

"I don't know," I honestly said. "I just- I don't know anymore."

"You've got 4 days to figure that out."

"Maybe I do like him, but what if he doesn't like me back?"

"I don't know," Noah replied, using my words. "I'm not Finn, and you'll never know unless you try. If you think that taking it further will ruin your friendship, then don't do it. But you'll never know if it could have worked unless you put yourself out there. My speech is done, now go give Finn his reason, Mills!"

"I'll catch you later, Schnipper," I answered, exiting the room. Ironically, I bumped into Finn. He caught me at the waist as I latched onto his arms. We slowly let go of each other, a slight blush on both of our faces.

"Hey Millie," Finn slowly greeted. Dark circles seemed to be a permanent feature on his face. His hair was unkempt, and his eyes were wild. His clothes were rumpled. I think his shirt was even on backwards. My heart caught in my chest. Finn wasn't doing well. Maybe, he was hiding it better than I imagined. He was a better actor than I realized.

"Finn," I murmured. My concern was barely concealed. His eyes flashed with something.

"How are you?" he quietly asked, the emotion receding.

"Um, tired," I murmured. He flinched at that word. "I guess you feel the same."

"I need a reason," he suddenly blurted.

"Can you wait?" I asked. Finn desperately shook his head. His eyes were begging me to give the reason. They were hollow, yet they held the entire galaxy in them. Eyes were gorgeous. People underestimated exactly how much eyes said. I think eyes were representations of planets, gorgeous unique colours and designs. No eyes were ever exactly the same. It was like fingerprints or hair. No two people were ever truly the exact same, unless they were identical twins.

I sighed and started to speak. "You could have a future in music and acting," I speculated, indistinctly describing the reason. "Anything really, if you put your mind to it. You're in Stranger Things, you play the guitar, you sing well. You could still be what you want to, what you said you were when I met you. You've got a warm heart and a beautiful brain, but it's disintegrating, from all the," I finished, waving him on.

"Medicine," Finn whispered. I nodded. I always found a way to incorporate song lyrics into my life. Today, I would be doing Medicine for him. "But that still doesn't make sense-"

"Live Finn," I said, cutting him off. "Live for the future." With courage in my heart, I leaned in and placed my lips close to his ear. "Don't give up."

I pulled back, enjoying the fierce blush coating his cheeks. I made it my life mission to make him blush like that again. It was adorable. His entire face just turned red and not like a tomato, it was just so cute. It was indescribable.

"I'll see you, Millie," Finn whispered, pressing his lips to my cheek. I flushed red, watching as his eyes lit up in amusement. I hated that glowing feeling that followed me for the rest of the day. It reminded me of just how much I had to lose, but also, how much I had to gain.

To be completely cliché, I was playing with fire, and if I was being honest, I wanted to be burned.