Polaroids {Philkas|Jamler Oneshots || Slow Updates}

• Go Away, Come Back; || Philkas •

» I wish you'd know the difference. «

• • •

Finally, Philip thought, sighing devotedly as he leant against the tiles of the shower. Finally he'd have some time alone and for himself because Helen and Gabe went out to some restaurant and would be away for the rest of the evening and night to spend some time together for a change. As always, Gabe had suggested he'd come with them – to get to know eachother, as Helen would say – but he wasn't as oblivious as she thought he was for being just a teenager. He knew, Helen would rather be alone with her husband, so he declined. After all, he needed some privacy apart from his every single step being tracked 24/7, of which his foster mum didn't know that he knew about as well. But he didn't plan on sneaking out anywhere, not tonight.

He sighed softly and closed his eyes, enjoying the water pouring down his body, soothing and relieving him from all the stress and pressure from the past days. He desperately needed a break from life, and that was exactly what he was about to do – take a break. From all the things that were currently going on which was way too much for a teenager to handle all together; being in foster care because his mum was addicted to drugs and not being allowed to see her whatsoever, the new environment in a secluded and awfully quiet town where everyone knew everything about each other and including a whole new school where at he had no friends, partly because he deliberately avoided people as much as possible or they were avoiding him because they knew he was gay – idiots. But as chance would have it, he obviously had to fall for the worst of them who was causing him the most pain of all. He was familiar with being rejected; so much, it wasn't really a big deal anymore and didn't bother him as much as it used to before. However, being rejected by someone you considered at least some kind of friend – whereby he couldn't even tell if they were somewhere close to that – was something completely different. In public, he wasn't existent for him, was only his secret. How could he possibly be so stupid to agree on that? He smiled sadly. It couldn't be helped anyway, since he was a man of word. Trust was the only thing he could hold onto, so he wouldn't ever tell anyone about what happened in the cabin in the woods the other night. Not until he was ready. Then again, considering the current situation they were in, which you could call rather complicated, Philip doubted he ever would be; and he, therefore, wasn't sure if he was able to keep it that long because it was slowly but constantly eating him up inside – all this flip-flopping, wobbling back and forth over and over and over again. He needed a break from that. He was sick of being pushed around, literally and rhetorically – go away, come back; go away, come back; it needed to stop, he perfectly knew that. But what if he actually was obsessed with him like everybody already had started suggesting he was behind his back? He exhaled deeply, pushing himself off the wall as he turned off the shower.

Screw you, Lukas Waldenbeck, he thought lastly, as he towelled himself and wrapped another around his hip. Tousling his hair dry, Philip made his way from the bathroom to his bedroom, leaving the door all but closed, since no one was home to come in unexpected. While he rummaged in his closet and drawers for something comfortable to change into for the rest of the day, he went over the various options he had to pass his free time in his mind, finding that none of them were too exciting, but that was okay, since he meant to relax anyway; maybe just watching a decent movie or reading a comic or listening to music, letting his thoughts wander off, what though might lead him to continually thinking about some stupid crush he had – who's crystal blue eyes had that certain something; that something that would cast a wicked spell on him so that he couldn't take his eyes off him. Lips he could hardly resist looking at when he spoke, imagining to feel them all over his skin, the mere thought repeatedly sending pleasant shivers throughout his whole body and made him desperately longing to connect them with his own for just another quick peck, even if only for a split second . . . there, he was doing it again. Admiring the one boy who possibly would never admit his feelings to him much less anyone else – the exact same boy who was able to make him immediately stop dead in his tracks paralyzed when he practically out of nowhere stood in the door frame to his room, watching him intently as Philip had turned to his bed, still topless and therefore half naked since the shirt he intended to put on still was only stripped over his lower arms.