Beautifully Damaged

9. Insane

He didn't believe me? I swallowed, flinching against the ache. I found strength in my body as I stepped away from him. "You think I just made this up?"

"No, well, not intentionally- but you passed out in class yesterday, and obviously just now too."

Tears blurred my vision. It was a stupid thing to cry about, I knew, but I was so tired and the fear that resided in my stomach only made it worse. What if he was right? But I couldn't have hallucinated such pain that I was sure I hadn't felt before. Angrily, I swiped away the tears and tried to bury my terror. I didn't know what I was afraid of, being insane or the fact that someone may have tried to kill me. Perhaps it was both.

"You're probably right," My voice reduced to a rasp of defeat. "I need to go home."

My knees barely held my weight, my hands quivered at my side. I just wanted to know what was going on. This wasn't normal, it shouldn't be happening.

For a moment, something like guilt flashed in his eyes, but before I could really think about it, it was gone.

He stared at me for a second, and then threw a withering grin my way, "I'll take you home."

I shook my head, just because he'd 'saved' me, didn't mean that I could just trust him all of a sudden. Alex was still the jerk who had argued with me on his first day of school. An act of kindness wouldn't- couldn't erase that.

"What? Are you too good for me or something?" He spat, grey eyes darkening.

"No," I held his gaze, despite the storm churning in it. "I have a ride, and I won't ditch her for you." I didn't know why I felt the need to explain to him why I turned his offer down, because he didn't deserve one, especially with that outburst.

"Fine," He said, a light blush spreading on his cheeks, "good luck with that."

Gritting my teeth, I watched him walk away until he was swallowed by shadows and forest. I needed more reliable people to be around.

"Speaking of, where is Morgan?" I spoke to no one in particular as I strode forward on unsteady legs.

I really should have stayed in bed.

***

The first thing I felt when I opened the door to my apartment was relief. After that came a wave of exhaustion and the familiar, less noticeable throb in my throat. A close third was the cannon ball of fur that catapulted itself at me. Instead of feeling annoyance at this hindrance, the sensation of being safe washed over me. In between his low whines and kisses, I smiled.

"Come on, Bear, off."

Obediently he fell onto all fours and circled around me to push me inside.

"Alright," Despite the ocean of tired dragging me under, I managed a laugh.

When I finally collapsed into bed and fell into a deep sleep, I dreamt of what had happened between Alex leaving me alone in the forest and arriving home. 

I stood by the bonfire, diminished to only glowing red coals at the shore of a placid lake. There was no one in sight, only scattered laughs and playful screams refracting out of the forest. Frustrated beyond all hope, I dropped down onto the cold, damp sand and brought my knees to my chest. Little orange sparks floated into the pitch black sky, dying out long before they travelled anywhere. I took a deep breath and fought the rising sense of panic in the pit of my stomach that threatened to overwhelm me. Soon, you'll be back home, it's okay. I tried, and failed, to convince myself. Why didn't Morgan understand that I wouldn't enjoy any of this? Being thrown into a group of people that were already familiar with each other and told to play a strangely exhilarating –for them- yet unbelievably frightening game at night was not something I would ever enjoy.

"Rough day?"

I was stunned out of my thoughts, looking up at a girl dimly lit by the dying fire light, "Uh, yeah, I guess so."

She sank down beside me, adjusting more easily to an acquaintance than I could ever hope to. Through the weak haze of red coal light I could see that she had a deep shade of red hair with a shock of blonde in one strand at the front.

"I know what you mean," She nodded, staring out at the black lake.

Her relaxed manner made it hard to believe that she had no idea. For a moment I pretended that she actually did know, "My name's Blaise."

"Oh, I know. Who doesn't?" She laughed; her simple joyful disposition baffled me.

"So you've heard the rumors then?" People didn't understand that gossip made it hard for people to see beyond the whispered words behind a person's back. It made it difficult for people to believe anything else.

"Yes," She turned her eyes on me, no traces of judgment rolling in them, "But should you believe everything you hear?"

I bit my lip, staring back at her, "No. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just assumed..."

"You shouldn't have, but it's alright. I'm Jenna, Jenna James." She introduced, turning her unrelenting gaze back to the fire.

We sat in silence for a little while, only the crackle of the dying bonfire to fill in the blanks.

Jenna got to her feet and looked down at me, suddenly, "As exciting as this is, I'm going to head home, need a ride?"

I blinked, stunned into silence. Was it possible for people to be this straight forward? "Sure," The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"Let's go then."

***

Strong, golden light poured into the room through a clear windowpane. I felt the familiar deep breathing of my companion beside me. Through the warmth and familiarity, I couldn't push away the deep-seated disquiet that had settled in my stomach the previous night. Sighing, I stole a glance at my alarm clock; it was 10:11am. It was crazy to think that just yesterday I'd woken up at Drake's, and now he didn't even want me around. Sifting through what I could have done to cause it didn't help, so I slid out of bed and sat down in front of my laptop in the living room.

Music was something I had recently discovered, or re-discovered as it may be. For the past couple of weeks it had really helped to fill the endless time and space around me. First, it had started with just top forty songs, easily accessible ones, but somewhere between the YouTube searches and billboard hits, I'd found records that were... real.

So, my mind was made up. I grabbed a shower and slipped into some skinny jeans and a graphic tee. Bear bounded after me when he finally woke up and we headed out.