Boy meets girl, girl falls in love, blah-blah-blah.
Let me be clear with you from the beginning. This is not that kind of story.
My name is Cait, and I live in the great city of New York. Okay, so maybe I've only lived here for a week and a half...
"That's what you're supposed to look like, by the way," she called out to me as I opened the refrigerator.
I grabbed a container of cranberry juice and poured myself a glass, "What are you talking about?"
Sipping on my juice, I put the container away and leaned on the wall facing her. I was still smiling, my shoulders relaxed, and I felt better than I had in weeks. I came to New York as an escape from my problems, an escape from my past, and I was a tightly wound ball of stress because of it. I spent so much time and effort keeping myself closed off, preventing anything from slipping out and anyone from getting in, that even my body had taken a toll. Sure, I exercised regularly and the endorphins helped, but it was nothing like this.
"Happy," she stated. "You look happy."
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A day later later, Andrew invited me out to dinner and, somehow, I accepted. I spent several hours before the date getting ready, by which I mean I watched Netflix for about 2 hours until I realized I had less than forty-five minutes to shower, change, and do my hair and makeup before Andrew planned to pick me up.
I still hadn't admitted to Val that Andrew and Lincoln were the same person, and - truthfully - I was a little nervous at how she might respond. She knew that Lincoln had asked for my phone number, but I was careful not to talk about him and I only ever called him Andrew in conversation. I should've told her. She was my best friend, after all, but part of me was convinced that if I kept it secret then it wouldn't matter as much if and when it didn't work out.
A relationship that didn't work out with Lincoln Shepherd? That was a big deal.
One that doesn't work with Andrew, some 'random guy' that I met on the street?
Not so much.
I owed it to Andrew to be honest about it. I knew that much. I wasn't trying to hide the fact that I liked him from her, but I was trying to make it easier on myself. Just like I didn't want to admit it out loud that I liked him for fear of making it too real, I didn't want Val to know that Andrew and Lincoln were one and the same. It was too real, too intense, and all too uncertain.
It was also selfish of me. I pretended like I was keeping it from her because I wanted to protect Andrew's identity, but really I wanted to protect myself. I wanted to protect my heart. I was terrified that this was going to go wrong, and - if it did - I wanted my roommate to be on my side. I wanted her to tell me that he was a worthless asshole who didn't deserve my time or attention. As it was, I was terrified that Val would think that I screwed it up. After all, he's Lincoln Shepherd. He's her crush, the celebrity she's been obsessed with for years, and he does no wrong.
If our relationship failed, surely that would make me the bad guy in her eyes.
God, we weren't even dating and I was already thinking about what was going to happen if we broke up. How sad was that? Surely it was a sign that this was a bad idea, and - by the time I was finished getting ready - I convinced myself of that very fact.
