Breaking Free (ManxMan)

Chapter 22

I rolled my eyes from his over exaggerated reaction to my fall, but didn't say anything. My head was throbbing, as if little BamBam from the Flintstones is bashing my brain with his wooden club. I rubbed my temples and groaned in pain, mortified that i embarrassed myself due to my clumsiness. Stupid, stupid me and my inability to handle my drinks.

Chase came back with the icepack, a towel wrapped around it, and placed it over my head. The cold soothed the throbbing a bit and I thanked him for doing this.

Chase nods and smooths my hair back, shifting the soft strands from my forehead as he stared at me with some sort of emotion that made my heart stutter for a second, then calmed down, leaving me confused to no end.

Chase got up from the bed and stretched, exposing his rock hard abs and slightly tanned skin. I gulped and looked away quickly, ignoring the temptation of what is right in front of me and tried to shake myself from the aroused thoughts swarming my head from that tiny little glimpse. He not be a high school football player anymore, but he's been keeping in shape, really in shape. Kind of makes me a bit conscious of my own slender, tiny frame. Compared to him, i haven't changed a bit, physical wise. Makes one feel a bit inferior standing next to what could be perfection. And he's all delicious muscles, smooth skin, and male sexuality.

And why am i still thinking about his body? Get your mind out of the gutter.

"I'm going to make some coffee. Want a cup?" Chase asked, stopping me from chastising my mind for conjuring such thoughts.

"Huh?" I blushed and mumbled. "Uh, yes. Thanks."

Chase nods and disappears into the tiny kitchenette as i rolled onto my side and breathed in the sigh when i caught Chase's alluring scent on the pillow he was sleeping on. I hesitated, already separating pros and cons on what i was about to do, but my body had a mind of its own, driven by the neediness and craving of the delicious scent, i pulled the pillow closer to my head and gently buried my nose on the soft cushion before taking in a deep breath and inhaling the heavenly aroma into my lungs, my body warming up.

Wait, what am i doing?

I yanked the pillow away from my nose and placed it back where it was, my head spinning like a whirlpool of confusion. Why am i acting like this? I mean, sure, Chase is hot and all and the two us had dated before, but my reactions towards the most simplest of things about him are more prominent, much stronger. Is it the alcohol? Am i still feeling the effects of the alcohol i consumed? I don't know if the alcohol is the reason for my sudden increase of my libido towards him since I've never drank that much alcohol -- some fruity wine chasers and a small sip of wine -- until now. Yeah, it that could be it. Because getting horny from Chase is about as great as blatantly lying to a judge after swearing an oath of truth.

I just got out of a relationship. What would people think of me bouncing back so quickly from getting out of a relationship, only to be lusting for another man? People would think I'm a slut or something. I don't want to see the accusatory, disappointed, and disgusted eyes land on me, burning holes into my flesh from the intensity until i could be the equivalence of Swiss cheese. I don't want to see my friends shake their heads and i don't even know if Chase still wants me that way. Sure, he told me when we re-established our relationship at the park that he still had feelings for me, but that was months ago. A person's feelings can change during that time. He might be thinking of us as friends, and only friends.

Isn't that what i wanted in the beginning?

I curled into a ball and continued to cradle the icepack onto my forehead, biting my lip as i continued to dwell on the stupid subject of me and Chase's relationship. Chase is a really handsome man; he could have anyone he wanted without much effort, with his charming attitude, job, and appearance. So why would he settle for me, his ex-boyfriend in high school who still looks like a teenager than his actual age? I mean, sure I'm not that ugly, but I'm not handsome. So why me?