Colors Always Bleed Together [DUFN]

Chapter Eleven: Finally Free

The cafeteria is as quiet and empty as it was the first time I came here. There is no line. I grab a couple slices of pizza and pay for them, knowing Nicole told me not to get her anything, but doing so anyways. I still feel guilty for what I've done. Not that a slice of pizza can fix it all, but it is better than nothing.

My thought begin to wonder as I make my way down the hallways. Where will I stand in a year from now? More than likely on a stage, on tour with the guys. But that's on the literal side. Where will I stand with Nicole? Knowing my luck, she probably won't even return a text or give a second glance in my direction. I sigh. Could I handle it? I've only known her for such a short time, but I really feel like things will be different now. Many songs will be written about the woman I couldn't have. Much more bourbon will be bought. I have fucked my life up by getting into this wreck - and right now I don't care, because right now she's a walk away. But come next week, downhill won't be a strong enough word to describe the plummet my life will take.

But once you think about it, aren't I the one leaving her behind?

My phone vibrating in my back pocket brings me back to reality. I sit the plate with both slices of pizza down on a counter with nobody working behind it. I take my phone from my pocket and check it. It's from Eddie. "Safire Barnes just got attacked by a goose."

Why the hell does this not surprise me?

"How?" I send back, kind of scared of the answer I'll receive. I pick the pizza back up and slip my phone back into my pocket. It vibrates again. I decide that I'll check it when I get back to Nicki's room.

On the way there, the image of a goose attacking the poor girl will not leave my head. I mean, yes it's hilarious, but still. Wouldn't it hurt to be assaulted by a goose? I don't see why it wouldn't.

I'm running theories through my head on how someone could possibly get a goose to attack them as I open the door to Nicki's room. She has the television on to something, I'm guessing Harry Potter by the sound of it. She moves her attention away from the screen and to me the second I step inside. She smiles and I smile back.

"Did you know that your best friend just got attacked by a goose?" I question as I hand her one of the slices.

She laughs slightly and takes it from me with a thanks. "I'm not surprised, but how?"

I take my phone from my pocket and read the message from the drummer. I furrow my brow. "Apparently Brent provoked it with a french fry."

She looks perplexed. I guess I do too. "Something's not adding up. Where even are they if they if they have access to french fries and homicidal geese?"

I throw my head back laughing before I shrug. I would like to know, myself.

She takes a bite of the pizza. Her face lights up a bit. "As far as hospital food goes, this is amazing."

I take a bit and nod. I guess small and awkward conversation is better than large and awkward silence.

I sit the slice back down on the plate and start to watch Harry Potter. The particular one playing is "The Goblet of Fire". I try my hardest to keep up the conversation. "So, where do you work?"

She chokes on her pizza. I look to her, concerned. She takes a drink of her water that's still setting on the nightstand from when I was here earlier. "You okay?" I ask.

"Physically, yes. Mentally, no." She answers, looking completely serious.

"I'm fairly certain we're all the same way, Nicki." I chuckle. I coax a smile back onto her lips. I count that as an accomplishment.
My phone vibrates again and I scoot it farther away from me. "Don't you want to check that? It might be important."

"It's probably just Eddie going on about Safire and the goose. And even if it is, it can wait." I smile. "Where do you work, Nicki?" I repeat. "I won't judge."

She sighs in a way that sugests that she doesn't know what to do. She seems to look over her options before looking down to her hands and admiting. "I work at Pizza Hut."

There is a small silence afterwards as I try to figure out why she would be ashamed of that. We've all had to work odd jobs before. I'm sure this is no exception. "You seem upset about that. Why?"

"Because I-" She starts but suddenly stops, the way someone does when they almost let a secret spill. I raise an eyebrow to encourage her to keep going. What secrets are locked behind her hesitation?

And all it takes is a sympathetic smile to turn the key.

"Because I lied about it, Ryan!" She admits. "That's why I'm so ashamed of it!" She doesn't break my gaze but she also doesn't try to hide her shame. She has finally opened up to me. She's finally free.

But at the same time, I'm still confused. What is she lying about? Working at Pizza Hut or something else she won't confess?

I look into her deep, forest green eyes; searching for answers. There's pain behind her regard and I wish to know why.

I risk a lot with my next move, with gently lifting one of her hands from the rough sheets of the hospital bed and holding it with my own. I look back into those beautiful eyes of hers and see a civil war. She jerks her hand out of my grasp. The terrible feeling of being unwanted begins to take over and I'm sure it shows. But as the war comes to an abrupt end, it's obvious which side prevails.

She lays her hand back in my open palm and proceeds to tell me everything.

"My parents, my dad in particular, expect the world from me. They expect me to be the smartest person alive and make millions at some high up job they picked out for me. They honestly believe I have achieved that. They think I work at a job so secretive that I can't tell them the details - so I don't. They don't believe that I work at a pizza place. And they never understood that I have dream of my own; things I want to do with my life that differ from their expectations. They think I'm working my dream job that isn't even my dream, Ryan. And I don't know what to the hell to do to fix it."

For some reason, I know exactly what to say - as if it was my only job to solve her problems for her. But still, I sit there for the longest time as her story sinks in. Is it too soon to try helping her or too late?

Does it matter the timing? Anything at all to give her peace if mind - it's never too late for that. Ever.

"Maybe you don't have to fix it." I drawl.

Her eyes cloud over with perplexity. Her eyebrows knit together the slightest bit. No doubt she's questioning me, wondering how the probably could solve itself.

I look back down to our hands, which are bound tightly together. I smile a bit. "Maybe we could."

She freezes. I'm not sure there is any other way to describe it. She just freezes without as much as a muscle moving.

And I'm not so sure how to respond, so I just keep talking. "How about tomorrow I take you to the cafeteria and we can have lunch? We can discuss it then."

Slowly and with slightly widened eyes, she nods.

I smile wider and realease her hand, standing up. "I better go. It's pretty late."

She nods again, more relaxed the second time around. "See you tomorrow?" She says somewhere in the middle of a whisper and her normal tone.

"Yeah." I answer and make my way to the door. "See you tomorrow."

And with a night filled with only thoughts of Nicole Benwell, tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

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It's never until I edit a chapter that I relaize how short it is. It seems so much longer when I'm writing it.

This update took forever. Most of that can be blamed on procrastination, new book ideas, school, and anxiety. Also, Chapter Twelve might just be the longest I've written so far, so that might alos be a contributing factor.

I really need to work on the outline for Fourteen. I think I'll go do that now and stop typing to make this chapter look longer than it really is.