if you are depressed, kindly please skip this chapter. thanks so much!!
Not such a long time ago
The white tiles of the newly cleaned bathroom were shiny across her feet. Everything was in place; her perfume bottles on its' right shelves, her towels stacked neatly on another. She was about to take a bath.
Getting a new towel and hanging it on a towel rack, the felt a sudden pang in her heart as she remembered how the day had gone for her. She came into a halt, looking at her reflection in the mirror. she tilted her head, trying to fathom different things about herself. Was there something wrong with her eyes? Her nose? Her teeth?
And that was when the tears fell.
If there was one thing similar between Beverly and Millie, it was the attribute of hating to see themselves suffer or be weak. They hated vulnerability.
but screw it.
Millie forced herself as she held onto the sink as tears streamed down her cheeks, sobs escaping her mouth as she forced her eyes to look and stare at her brokenness in the mirror. Through the glass, she could see herself wounded, her right hand holding onto the sink, her other clutched to her chest.
"You should have been the one who caught cancer, not your sister."
She was in a struggle for breath, her sobs eating her lungs. Her tears felt like acid on her cheeks. Her breath was hitched. She couldn't bear it anymore. She couldn't do it anymore.
She used to think that the words given to her left wounds, that these wounds were those type that couldnt be healed. She used to think she bled without stop, like a river, with all the wounds embedded in her heart. But these wounds had healed overtime, because she was a scar herself. She was the scar of the pain of her parents. She was the one where they put out their anger and frustration on to. She was their scar.
People say that in these kinds of situations, she is the back up plan, the second option.. It was wrong. She wasnt even a choice.
She could hold it inside her any longer.
She went for the sink of her bathtub and rapidly turned the handles of the faucets of both hot and cold knobs. As the strong water seemed to erupt from the metal faucets, drops of pain fell from her eyes. She couldnt do it anymore. She had to go. She had to find an escape, a release. Pain has never been this hard, never this much.
She had to go.
Why bother living when you die every day? Why bother make an excuse when you know you wont be heard? Why bother try to prove yourself when you know you'll never be noticed? Why bother live? Why bother hold on when everything's a reason to let go?
The tub was full and she slowly she turned the knobs back off. Still in her robe, she let her body submerge into the water.
She pushed herself down, her tears mixing with the water as her eyes were closed.
Here she was, to face death, with eyes closed, heart aching, and her self falling apart.
Death was so close. It was just there beside her. It was hugging her already, it's cold embrace haunting her. If she would just hold on a little longer, and wrap her arms round him too, she could finally escape.
She was trapped in a tunnel, finding the other side where she could find light. She has given up searching for it, she has decided to just lean her back on the cold stone wall, and let herself die.
Good bye, world.. good bye pain.
Her mind suddenly flashed old memories, old ones she forgot even existed. A time where she was dancing with Noah on a cold December morning in the snow, a moment where she was performing on stage, a moment she was giving a necklace to Beverly, snuggling to her..
She was indeed weak.
She rose up.
Scars are marks that let you remember how strong you have been to overcome that certain wound that you had healed. For Millie, a scar was a sign that you underwent pain and was too weak to even defeat that pain. Because in her eyes, she was weka, and that was all she ever was.
Sitting upright with her silk robe hugging her body, her hair dripping wet, she closed her eyes.
She didnt put her arms around Death. Not yet.
a.n
finally i have updated!1!!1 so sorry for the wait. im so thankful for you guys! school has been so tough and stressful, and some people really do test me it sucks. this is to all of you who waited and coped up with my slow updates which suckkk, mainly. thank you for nearly 5k ! love you mwaaahahhahaha!
go read "take a chance" by clairezieee!
we have somethin coming up for you guys soon. stay updated! wink
--delia
