desirous; antisepticeye/jacksepticeye

five

I don't know what time is it.
I just know that it has been a long time.
My fingers and toes got soaked up in the water for so long, too long.
I am shivering.
I take deep breaths and order myself to stand up.
I turn off the shower and get my towel.
I wonder if I will fall sick soon.
I choose my favourite blue hoodie and black jeans.
I stand in front of my mirror and look at myself.
I take my comb and simply comb my hair.
I will look okay anyway.
Then I apply hairspray.
Then my cologne.
I am ready.
I grab some things I will need and go out.
Bye, mum. See you in a few hours.
My mother speaks.
See you! There will be some snacks when you come back!
I reply.
Okay!
With that, I left my house and started walking.
A take one step, another, then one again, then another.
A step again.
Another step.
I try to stop myself from thinking.
What is going to happen?
It must be bad. Really bad. And then you know what happens? You lose her. She is everything to you and you know you cannot lose her and what will you do after that? Nothing. You're nothing without her. Nothing.
I am useless without her. She is my everything. Yes I am nothing without her. What should I do after that oh shit there is no escape how will I handle this how will I keep on living someone please help help help my thoughts are going insane I can't stop it.
I try to calm myself but I can't.
I cover my face with my shaking and wet palms.
The thoughts in my head are screaming but I can't stop them.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
I am scared.
I am scared.
I am scared.
K-keep on wa-lking, S-seán.
I can feel weird looks from passers-by, but it doesn't matter.
I walk and walk and walk again, my thoughts are still flooding my mind but I ignore them.
Die. Nobody remembers you.
Go away.
You're not as useful as your brother anyway.
I clench my fists until they are shaking vigorously.
It's just meeting her.
It will be fine.

Right?