Before Then

9: We end

I closed her book there. There were many more pages, but I couldn't bring myself to read the rest. Darren walked in and looked at me with his green eyes and yawned. "Tired buddy?" I asked, and he nodded. I picked him up and brought him to bed. I tucked him in and within moments he fell asleep. I let out a soft sigh and left the room, I walked into ours. I sat down on the bed and stared at my hands, at your side of the bed, at the wall. You remembered a lot didn't you? You remembered the very first time you saw me. I only remember then because of what you were wearing, red lipstick, and a long yellow rain coat, in the winter. With brown hair and striking green eyes I thought you were insane but I didn't question you, didn't give you more than a glance or two but I knew you were watching me back then.

I'm sorry I took your table, I'm sorry about calling you insane for not liking chocolate, I'm sorry for a lot of things, but I'm happy I did all of them, because I wouldn't have met you if I hadn't.

I stood up and walked into your office and picked up what I was reading before. I placed it back where I found it and didn't touch a single other thing. I didn't want anything to change, you left it like this, I was going to leave it the way you wanted it. I would have to buy a lock or Darren would find his way in here and snoop. How long did it take you to write all of that? The past was so long ago, was this what you were writing in your laptop all those years ago?

What about now, did you write about the now too? Are you still writing, will I get to read it when I find you? I have so many questions, I had so many questions, I will have so many questions and they most likely won't be answered.

I walked into the living room and started to clean up Darren's toys and turned on the TV. "We are counting down the seconds to midnight right now and the crowd is-"I couldn't help but smile, you hated that ball, hated the idea of New Year's, but you still dealt with me celebrating it, celebrating us. I only loved the New Year because it was our new year, it was our start as us, not as you and me, but us and I couldn't help but get excited. 

I sat down and turned off the TV and tried to read my book, but it was no use. I walked over to my bookshelf and looked through them, seeing if there was anything better when I get to the end. An almost all white cover was sticking out, the corners bent and parts ripped off, but still readable in every way. I felt the string in the back of my throat and picked up the book. I opened the cover and there were your words, written on the back.

'I don't think I could have read any better of a book. Love you.' I put the book back in its place and sat back down on the couch. I hated that you wrote on my book when I first got it back, but I never said anything because it was you, and after a while I got over it, because it was you. You could make me mad, but I would never yell at you. I could piss you off and you would storm out of the house, but you always came back. When we thought we were drifting apart, we lit a candle and sat across from each other and just stared into it until we could finally think of words to say to the other.

When we had too much to say, you would pull out your computer, and I would read. When I was with you all I felt was bliss, when I wasn't with you all I could think about was the bliss. I loved you, in every way, shape and form. When you said you were fat from Darren being inside you I kissed you with all I could, never told you you weren't fat because I knew if I kissed you just right, you would feel beautiful again, because you were.

I walked back into our room and looked at your half of the bed. Still made, still cold. I opened your dresser and picked up your shirt and smelled it, still you, still cold. I walked over to the closet and opened it and started swiping through your dresses and sweaters. I got to the end and stopped. I picked the hanger up and slowly brought my hand to it. Rubbery, long, yellow.

But still cold.