Before Then

4: We talk

December 26th wasn't a busy day at the shop. Boxing day was going on and everyone would be at the mall or somewhere trying their hardest to grab anything cheap. I didn't like the mall on normal days and I could only imagine what it would be like on boxing day. I was at my old spot again finally, as the person who claimed it before wasn't there that day. I remember you walking in with a new bag, and when you took off your jacket I nearly cried out in laughter. It was the ugliest sweater I had ever seen with brown, orange, and light blue pattern's all over the place and to top it off a little Santa's face on the right shoulder.

I watched you blush as you finally sat down and the few other people stopped looking at you. "How was your x-mas then?" You asked and I shrugged.

"I just watched some specials on TV and then sat on my computer." You looked genuinely shocked by me saying this and I rolled my eyes. "What about you?" I asked and you just pointed at your sweater. I ended up laughing again, and this time Kate came over to our table.

"Hey Jane, we missed you on Christmas again this year. I saved you some cookies, and don't worry about your coffee it's on the house." I thank her, she looks at Evan, and back at me, then winks. "Well I'll leave you two alone now." She smiles and walks away while I unwrap the cookies that were on a small plate. I offered one to you and you gladly accepted.

"Why didn't you spend x-mas with her, or your family?" I remember not answering right away, I didn't want to tell you. I didn't feel like saying anything but you just waited and stared at me even when I tried to hide behind my computer. After a while I just sighed and accepted you wouldn't give up.

"I never met my mom and my dad, he basically disowned me. Kate needs to spend that time with her family, I would just get in the way." You didn't say anything at first almost like you were holding back on so many questions, but you ended up asking this one.

"Then next year, will you come spend it with me?" I didn't know what to say or do. Why ask a question like that? Would we even know each other by then? Why even offer, it's clear that his family has a fun time, his grandmother or mom, whoever made that sweater loves him. All those people around him giving him attention, I wouldn't want to take that away from him. I ended up giving you a soft smile and shaking my head. You frowned and that was the end of all conversation. You grabbed your bag and pulled out a book and started reading, blocking me out once again.

Like before, you would look up, and I would be the candle. Before I didn't really care, but now it just hurt. I didn't get anything down again and decided to leave early. When I was packing up I noticed you had already finished the first book and already had another in your hands, but you seemed to be right around the end, and when I turned around just before leaving you were holding the book I bought you.

I remember it wasn't cold, almost the end of December and it was almost like spring outside. I blamed global warming. The slush on the side walk made me almost fall at least 6 times. I ended up taking off my jacket and decided to stop at the park near my place on the way. Something about it made me feel more at ease, I pulled out my laptop and got to work. I wrote stories. As a kid I always wanted to be a writer but my dad never supported me. It made me sad that I would never be what he wanted, but then again he also never told me what he wanted for me.

I had to guess most the time and guessing wasn't a game I wall good at. I ended up going to college just taking random classes. My last year there I took all the English classes I could and got out of there. I could go back I guess, but even now I don't have an idea in mind of what I would want to be. I just sort of guessed I would know when I found it. I saved and then my computer died right after. I let out a breath looking up and saw that the sun was setting. I got up and was about to put my computer in my bag when a kid and his friends I didn't notice threw a huge wet ball of hard slush, it hit the underside of my computer.

I felt color drain from my face then watched the kids run off. I just stood there, holding my wet laptop for a good minute before booking it to my house to look up on my desktop how to dry a laptop. Just like phones, I found a bag and dumped all the rice I had into it and then buried my laptop in it. I remember I was in a full panic attack and was crying like my life was just ripped away. I had so many stories and ideas saved, all my hard work and time, this was my whole life.

For 5 years I had filled this computer to the brim with my stories, my screen didn't have games or anything just files and files of Word documents, that was it. If it died on me now I don't know what I would have done.

The next day you were at our spot, I sat down and started to reach into my bag but forgot I left my laptop at home to dry more just to be sure. I sighed and decided to walk over to the small shelf with books all over it from people who left theirs here and grabbed one. I took my seat again and I could feel your eyes on me. I can't remember what book I grabbed but I remembered hating it because I was too scared to actually read it. I felt like an idiot. I could never read as fast as you and with you watching me it was intimidating.

"Are you going to open it?" You asked making me jump. I looked up from the cover, you, and then to your book. The one I bought you.

"Are you never going to close it?" I point to his and he smiles. You grabbed my book from my hands and read the back as I watched your eyes flow, not stopping for a second to re-read a word or correct yourself. After a few seconds you handed me the book you were reading and opened mine, and blocked me out again. I looked down at the almost all white cover and ran my fingers over to bends on the corner. I read the back and found it to be a really sad kind of book.

After a while I finally got over it, I opened the book not caring if I read slower than you and smiled at how worn the spine was already. I laid the book on the table and the pages didn't close on their own.

So I started reading.