I've missed you [boyxboy]

Chapter 7

I'VE MISSED YOU

• CHAPTER 7 •

Previous chapter:

I had to be strong to do it. It would be the best thing anyways, so I told myself that I would do it on the count of three.

"One..."

I took a deep breath through my sobs.

"Two..."

I gripped the blade harder.

"And..."

• • •

"Three..."

I pushed the blade harder this time and felt how its sharp edge painfully pressed against my wrist and slowly dug into my skin.

I started crying even harder, not only because of the sharp pain on my left wrist, but also because of the deep feeling of defeat.

I saw a tiny droplet of blood sliding down my arm leaving a red trail until the droplet itself fell into the tub. The red trail was very, very thin, but it stood out against my pale skin.

I prepared myself to actually finish the job; I had pierced my skin, now I only had to slice my arm open.

I sunk the blade slightly deeper, making me hiss at the sharp stinging sensation, and sending another warm and red trail down my arm.

I wasn't sure when I had stopped sobbing, although tears were still falling quietly from my face.

I took a deep breath and, just a second before I finally cut my arm open, a sound from the bedroom startled me to the point I jumped and yelped, and the blade fell out of my hand and into the tub.

The sound was unequivocally coming from my phone from the other side of the door. It was the ringtone that told me that I was receiving a call.

After a few seconds, the sound ceased and my heart was beating so hard that I could feel it ringing in my ears.

Suddenly, something snapped inside of me, as if I had woken up from a nightmare, and I felt like the water in which I was laying was boiling and burning me alive.

I jumped out of the tub as fast as I could to escape the burning sensation of the liquid fire pooled in the tub. I jumped so fast that the water splashed all over the bathroom making a huge mess.

But, even though I had escaped the hot water, I still felt as if my body was on fire, like all my nerves were screaming in pain at the same time.

My head was spinning at all the things that I was trying to process at once. It was like a battle field inside of my mind. A thought appeared and suddenly a new one pushed its way, pushing the previous thought away, over and over again.

I tried to kill myself...

It was the best thing...

But I didn't want to die...

But I would live in pain and humiliation...

But there was always a way to fix things...

But death was easier...

But it was wrong to give up everything I had...

It was like a war between two sides:

The first one told me to that killing myself was the only way out.

The second one told me not to give up, to fight for my life.