The Sun And The Stars •completed•

I Don't Want To Miss You

She was three was she was diagnosed. She will never remember the day, but her Mother would never forget. Her Mom had sobbed, loud, hiccuping sobs that scared her daughter. She had clutched onto her chair and sobbed so violently that the doctor and nurses in the room started to cry with her. Her pain filled the room like poisonous gas, and everyone breathed it in.

By the end of that terrible week, her Father was gone. It was a mystery as to why he left, but his lack of presence was filled with the words irresponsible and ungrateful and careless and neglect.

She was five when she realized the pain. It was as far back as she could remember, this faint memory of losing breath when she was tickled by her Grandfather. The stabbing in her chest, the mortified look on his face as he watched her struggle to breathe.

After that, it was always there. It was constant, throbbing, unrelenting. But, it was a part of her. She was part of the pain, and it was part of her. It stopped bothering her.

She was seven when she would come home and cry into her Mom's arms. It wasn't that Audrey didn't like school. She was warm and bright, even then, and made friends easily. It was the constant reminder that she couldn't do what the other kids could.

Audrey would watch the other kids run around on the playground during recess. She would sit on a bench at gym class and watch them laugh and jump and run while playing dodge ball. It made her chest hurt more, her heart beat even more out of tune.

Some of those days, it would be too much. She would jump up and be chased around the gym by the supervisor, who would cry, "Please, Audrey. You can't, Audrey." When she was caught, she would be scolded as she coughed and shivered and sometimes spat blood onto the ground. She never regretted it.

She was nine when she tried a new treatment. "Audrey, did you know that your name means 'noble strength'?" Her Mom said, stroking Audrey's hair. Audrey did know this, of course. Her Mom loved to tell her. She was too tired and sweat soaked and uncomfortable in the scratchy hospital sheets to respond. "I always loved that. It fits you so well." Her Mom had tears bleaching rivers down her cheeks, a trademarked look for her. "You're so strong."

The treatment didn't help her. Luckily, it also didn't hurt her. She was discharged from the hospital, and her Mother shouted at the doctors, threatening to sue, as Audrey was shuffled into the car by her grandparents.

She was 11 when she decidedly had a crush on Tommy Walters. She would watch him play soccer at lunch time as she sat on a bench, pretending to listen to her friends gossip. "Are you okay, Audrey?" Chloe asked, tightening her perfect, silky black ponytail. Audrey shrugged and pulled on her curls with a sigh.

Chloe tried to find her usually chatty friends line of view. She giggled and then snorted. Audrey whipped around and sent a death glare her way. "Tommy Walters?" Chloe snorted again.

"Shut up!"

"You should tell him you like him. I don't think anyone else does."

Two weeks and many pep talks later, Audrey had convinced herself that she was destined to date Tommy Walters. He gave her a pencil in Math, smiled at her once, and even told her she had a piece of macaroni in her hair at lunch. This was all stone cold evidence.

As Tommy played soccer, Audrey walked up to him. His thick mop of ginger hair flicked in every direction like flames in the wind. "Tommy?" Audrey interrupted his game. She'd worn her very favorite flowery dress for this very special occasion. Tommy looked at her with eyes so light blue they were almost transparent. "Oh. Hey, Audrey."

"Um..." Audrey tried to remember what she'd planned on saying. She glanced back at Chloe, who was mouthing things she couldn't make out. When she locked eyes with him again, she'd made her decision. She simply leaned forward and pecked his mouth, her eyes scrunched closed.