Zombie President

76 to 79

76.

"Abandoned top-secret government labs are cool!"

Knut shouted this as he pulled the trigger on the flamethrower again.

Fire enveloped the hallway in front of him. The flames flickered a moment before dying out.

Behind him, Twisney called his name. Knut turned around, flamethrower still strapped to him, and shouted, "What?"

Twisney yelped when she saw the nozzle pointed at her, and Knut laughed.

"How many times are you going to set that thing off?" Twisney shouted.

"Until I actually singe you," he said with a smile.

"I'm going to write off your obsession with that flamethrower as a product of our unprecedented stress to save the world, combined with our nonstop working, combined with our lack of sleep."

"Yeah, I'm just blowing off steam. Or in this case, fire."

"And it probably also has something to do with your obvious sexual frustration."

Knut stopped smiling.

"Did you want something?" he asked.

Twisney smirked and said, "Dr. Nguyen wants to see us."

Knut unhooked the flamethrower and dropped it on a shelf. He followed Twisney down the hall to the main room, where Dr. Nguyen was looking at a computer screen.

"We're almost ready," Dr. Nguyen said, turning to them. "We should have our first batch of the solution ready by tomorrow morning."

"But we have no way to test it," Knut said.

"Big Jake will bring us back a hunk of zombie," Twisney said. "Count on it."

"If he doesn't, we may have to field-test it blind, which is certainly not my first choice," Dr. Nguyen said.

"Have you ever done anything like that before?" Knut asked.

"Yes, with the Grubram Virus," Dr. Nguyen said.

Knut and Twinsey stared at him for a moment before simultaneously blurting out, "What?"

Dr. Nguyen flushed and said, "OK, there's something I didn't tell you. But you have to promise not to get mad."

"You invented the Grubram Virus," Knut said.

"It was part our biological-warfare research," Dr. Nguyen said.

"We conduct biological-warfare research?" Twisney said.

Dr. Nguyen said, "Yes, as part of our —"

"Super-soldier program," Knut said with a sigh. "Have you considered that nothing particularly good has ever come out of that program, and that maybe we should, you know, knock it off?"

Dr. Nguyen stammered in frustration.

"Shut up! You think I wanted to be a mad scientist? My dream was to play in the NBA. But do you know how popular short Asian guys are on basketball teams? Huh, do you?"

"OK," Twisney said. "Maybe we should —"

"And then your tiger parents are pressuring you to be a top student, number one in school," Dr. Nguyen shouted. "And then society demands that you be great at math and science, and then one day, you're inventing killer viruses, and then —"

"All right, sorry," Knut said. "Let's forget about the Grubram Virus."

"I'll make up for it," Dr. Nguyen said. "Redemption for the virus and the zombies and everything else will be mine. You'll see! Redemption!"