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37.

The swirling, whirling credits of Crosshairs were right out of the 1990s, and Brock Olivera hated them. But his producer, Lindsay, had convinced Brock that his key audience demographic was deathly afraid of change, so it was best not to mess with the intro.

Brock leaned back in his chair as his make-up person applied the final touches to his square-jawed visage. For this expanded episode, Lindsay had called in the show's occasional and nominal co-host, a sniveling milquetoast named Alden Jones. Brock nodded to Jones, who was just stupid enough to believe that they were somehow peers.

"Let's get going," Lindsay shouted. "Ready to begin taping."

A moment later, cameras rolled, and Brock Olivera dropped his pleasing baritone on America.

"Good evening, my fellow patriots," Brock said. "This morning, Helga Tilden kicked off the unlikeliest presidential campaign we have ever seen. With the possible exception of that whole Ralph Nader thing a thousand years ago. What was that all about, anyway?"

Brock swiveled in his chair to face camera two, and he said, "Right now, we will analyze the Tilden phenomenon. Right here. Right away. I'm Brock Olivera."

"I'm Alden Jones," said the vapid co-host.

"And you're watching..."

"Crosshairs."

The cheesy intro music played as Brock and Alden pretended to talk. When Lindsay cued Brock, he said, "Like Hannibal marching through the Alps, like Sherman marching to the sea, Samuel Tilden is marching to Washington, D.C. What does this mean for America?"

"It's electrified the campaign season," said Alden.

Brock ignored Alden and said, "I will tell you what it means. Voters will have a real choice in November. Business as usual with President Fremont and his establishment flunkies."

Alden laughed.

"Or a powerful, no-nonsense leader who is the very embodiment of American can-do spirit and political incorrectness."

"He's a zombie," Alden pointed out.

"Samuel Tilden is all tenacity and decisiveness. He is pure patriotism mixed with the survival-of-the-fittest mindset that made this country exceptional. Tilden stands for all of us. And if you don't see that, something's wrong with you!"

"Well put, Brock," said Alden.

"Back after this brief message from these fine sponsors."

Brock leaned back in his chair, quite thrilled with himself. Alden Jones grinned happily, like a first-grader who had just avoided being picked last for the kickball team. And Lindsay the producer just bit her lip and wondered if all this was such a great idea.

38.

The six survivors of the Brewerville and Brodfoot massacres didn't see Helga Tilden's press conference. Nor were they aware of Brock Olivera's fervent embrace of the zombies on Crosshairs. No, they had all been asleep.

After coming upon a motel at dawn, they had dragged themselves into its lobby and rang the front bell, with each one of them taking a turn pounding on the ringing, tinny instrument until Twisney picked it up and threw it against the wall.

"I presume that nobody else noticed there's only one car in the parking lot of this motel," Knut said.

"Actually, I noticed that immediately," said Dr. Nguyen. "Clearly, the news about the zombies has spread, and people are evacuating as quickly as they can. One person was apparently so upset that he or she ran screaming into the night, leaving the car behind."

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