Life Revamped

Chapter 8 - Good VS Great

I couldn’t believe the gall of him.  I was so mad at him for kissing me.  After a few minutes, I realized I was mad at myself more than anything.  I could have stopped it if I really wanted to and I knew that but what had me upset was the fact that I hadn’t wanted it to end.  Christian had been right.  I couldn’t deny that there was an attraction there.  I knew that yesterday when he brushed my hair away from my face as much as the tender moments we’ve shared in between.  My body wasn’t betraying me; it simply knew what my heart wanted without me intellectually realizing it.  I found myself debating going after him, letting him cool off, ignoring him altogether, and hoping that it was a temporary lack of judgment and weakness on both our parts.  Regardless, I owed him an answer.  I walked up to the front door and opened it, determined to face this head on.  I knew I had to find a way to find him.  My only option lay in speaking with his parents seeing as we hadn’t even shared our phone numbers since reuniting.  To my surprise, I didn’t have to look very hard or very far for that matter.  Christian was sitting on my front steps.

“It took you long enough.”  He mumbled.  He sounded hurt and I couldn’t help but feel guilty about it.  I sat down beside him, eyes forward as his hand found its way to mine.  My eyes followed our hands.

“I’m sorry.”  I finally say.  “I simply can’t right now.”  And I knew that I was breaking his heart.  “I’m not saying, never.  Just not right now.  There’s too much going on.”

“Yeah.”  He mumbled lightly.

“Look at me.”  I urged him and he did.  I was right.  I had really hurt him.  “I need you to give me a bit of time, Chris.  I feel it, you’re right about that.”

“But?”  He added, sounding dejected.

“But, what if I don’t want good?”  I looked at him and his eyes were clear again.  “What if I want great?  Why can’t we leave things the way they are for now and really get to know each other again?”

I went to bed shortly after dinner, drained of all energy from the day’s roller coaster of events.  I lay there, my bedroom window open with my curtains flowing in the night breeze.  It was barely nine o’clock.  Sure, my heart wanted Christian but I knew I couldn’t give myself completely to him as of yet.  I might have forgiven him, but I still had a few things to get past regardless and as much as he might not have been ready to admit it, he had his own ordeals to deal with; mainly, that of Trish.  My past with Adam was what it was, the past.  As soon as Christian came back into my life, my haunting memories about Adam and his deceit had begun to fade further away.  My mind wandered on the kisses we had shared.  The first one had been sweet, the second, filled with fire.  My body began heating up and tingling at the mere memory of its feel.  As my mind began to slow down, sleep was finally arriving to claim me as its victim; and I obliged.

As with every other time, I was confronted by the icy presence that kept me glued to the floor I stood on; with the ever so old answer to my question that ‘it’ wanted me.  Like usual, I begin to run down the hall, past the doors and towards my grandmother and parents.  Only, this time, it’s only my grandmother.  As I reach out my hand to her, I can almost feel the faint contact of our fingertips, almost.

“Trust him.”  She tells me.

“Trust who Granny?”  I ask and she fades, only to be replaced by a mirror image of myself.

 

 

I woke up in the middle of the night, or what felt like it only to look at my alarm clock and the time read ten fifteen.  I took a deep breath and stared up at my ceiling before getting up and taking a seat on the bench by my open window.  I leaned my head on the window frame, taking a deep breath of the salty ocean breeze and smiling to myself.  I heard rustling down below and thought it was some critter that snuck into the yard from the woods out back.  That was until that critter started talking, scaring the living daylights out of me.

“Chris?”  I asked out loud.

“Yeah.”  He answers.  “Did I wake you?”

“No.  I can’t sleep.”  I confess.  “Nightmares.  Why don’t you come to the front door.”  I got up, threw my silk bath robe on and hurried downstairs.

“Hey.”   He said softly, almost at a whisper.  “I was just in the neighborhood and figured I’d stop by.”  And that warranted a laugh from me seeing as his car was in my driveway instead that of his parents, next door.

“Sure.”  I rebutted.  “Come in.”

“So, I was thinking.”  He began.

“Oh dear!”  I said exaggeratedly.  “Nothing could come of you thinking.”  I teased.

“Be nice now.”  He smirked.  “I could really use a sleepover like we used to have.”  And I took his hint and pulled him to my room.  He ran to my walk-in closet and pulled the blankets and extra pillow that he needed.  Oddly enough, they had never budged.  I guess Granny had always thought that a friend would somehow show up to sleep over.  Either that or she was scared that I’d be cold one night.  As he began making his bed on the floor beside my bed, I grabbed his arm to stop him.

“You can sleep on the bed, Chris.”  I tell him.

“But where are you going to sleep?”  He asked and I had to laugh at his obliviousness.

“In the bed too.  We’re two adults and it’s a queen sized bed.  I’m sure we can control ourselves; or can’t you?”  I chuckle.

“Oh.”  He says, sounding like he was still trying to figure it out.  I shook my head at him as I went to my side of the bed and took my bath robe off, quickly sneaking under my sheets, wrapping them so my arms and shoulders were above the blankets and that the rest of me was covered.  I averted my eyes as he stripped down and got on the bed beside me, above my sheets.

“Okay, I’m good.”  He tells me after he noticed me trying to keep my eyes away from him out of respect.  I found myself lying on my side, same as him; we were facing each other.  “So you mind telling me what these nightmares are all about?  Maybe we can chase them away together.”  He made me smile.  It was something he used to say when we were little.  He’d always wanted to be the hero.

“How do you do that?”  I asked him.

“Do what?”  He wondered aloud.

“You make me smile, even under the grimmest of circumstances.  You take the smallest of my fears and smash them to nothingness.”  I tell him.

“I’d like to think it’s because I know you.”  He paused as he yawned into his elbow that was folded below his head.  “And I don’t always make you smile.”  I knew he was referring to our past and even today, he had managed to make me cry.  I found myself reaching out for his free hand.

“Still.”  I say.  “No one’s been able to do what you do.”

“Score one for Chris!”  He blurted out humorously.  I had to giggle.  “Goodnight Mia.”

“Goodnight, dork.”  And my eyes closed as I fell in a deep sleep; one that wasn’t disrupted by any nightmare nor a lawn mower, the following morning.