A Woman's Place is the House and the Senate

Better Place (aka Upside-Down Puto) [Pia Cayetano/Loren Legarda]

Dalawang beses nakong nabigo sa pag-ibig. I thought it was a sign that I was not meant to be with someone, so I lived for myself, and the multitudes of family and friends surrounding me.

Then she came along.

It wasn't love at first sight. In fact, she wasn't even a blip on the radar when we first met. But we had shared histories - we both lost a child, we were both separated from our husbands, we were both female senators trying to navigate around the old boys' club.

At that time, I only had her, she only had me, and we only had "Ninang". 

Tatlo lang kami noon. Kung mag-away pa kami, ewan ko na.

That meant loads times pouring our hearts out to each other. More than I ever poured into someone. Even more than I did with my two ex-husbands. The more I got to know her, the more I uncovered emotions deep inside me that I never thought I would ever feel.

Perhaps the turning point was in 2012 when she said the five words. "Na-finalize na ung annullment namin."

As someone who's been there, I can definitely say there's no feeling of relief greater than being free from the cages of a marriage you no longer wanted to have.

Over time, I started to look at her differently. Not in a bad way, obviously, but.../that/ kind of way. I started to notice how bright her smile is when she enters the session hall each day, or how her hair sways along with the wind, or how my heart pounds when she accidentally brushed my hand.

Then I thought of how soft her lips must be when we kiss and how smooth and warm she must be when I hold her close.

And those were the more...mixed company-friendly thoughts.

There's no denying it. I was head over heels in love.

Honestly speaking, it was terrifying. So many questions plagued my mind: Should I tell her? Should I wait? What if she tells me she hates me and doesn't want to see me ever again?

So one day I seeked advice from "Ninang". I told her all about my lingering feelings for her, scared that she's going to tell me to get over it.

"Go for it. You will never know what happens unless you tell her." She said.

Ninang was right. I'm not a woman who gives up without giving my 100%.

Hindi ako pakipot.

The next day, I invited her for some coffee and snacks in my office the next day.

It was during recess, so there wasn't much people except for me, her and some of my staff. Stack and stacks of documents remained piled on top as we spent the day revising several bills and incorporating some amendments discussed on the floor before the break. Two cups of coffee and a plate of puto & kutsinta laid right beside them and we consumed them while pow-wowing over contested measures.

She looked so, so beautiful that day. She practically glowed in the cream dress she wore, which she matched with yellow shoes.

An upside-down puto with cheese.

My stomach was in knots thinking of what to say to her next, and when. I waited for the right timing, but it appears that it won't be coming in so best that I say it now.

"Pia? Can I tell you something?"
"Sure, Loren. Sige lang."

Waves of nervous energy washed upon me all of a sudden and I found myself stumbling at my next words. "Uh, I really like you. A lot."

A weak grimace appeared on Pia's face. "I like you too?"

My heart thumped so fast and so loud she could probably hear it. "No, no. I mean I like you like...not as a friend. Ewan, ang cute mo kasi eh. I don't know...there's something about you that makes me...you know..."

I can already imagine the question marks hanging on Pia's said when I said that.

"Um, this is kind of left field for me, to be quite honest?"

So I swallowed the remaining pride I have and cut to the chase. "Are you open to giving me...us, a chance?"

I was greeted with a good few minutes of silence. Already bracing for the worst, I turned my chair so that my back faces her and bowed my head down. "Kung ayaw mo, sabihin mo lang sa akin. I can live with it, get over it, give you space, whatever you need."

Sabi na nga ba, eh. She's going to tell me she doesn't want to see me again. She's going to say no.

Then I felt something warm on my hand. I opened my eyes to find Pia's hand on top of mine. Without thinking, I linked my fingers with hers and marveled at the perfect fit.

"Should I take that as a yes?"
"Ewan ko sa iyo. I leave that to your interpretation."

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face after. Didn't care that my staff saw the whole thing. I was too happy and ecstatic and relieved to even care about that.

Pia then quipped at me.

"Oh, di mo ba ako i-k-kiss?"
"Ano?"
"Di mo ba ako i-k-kiss?"
"Ano?"
"Nabibingi ka na ba?"
"Ano?"

She then broke out into peals of laughter.

"Sige, try natin?" I then replied.

Pia just nodded. "Kung gusto mo lang..."

I looked into her eyes before leaning to kiss her. Unfortunately, we ended up bumping each other's noses instead, which Pia laughed off, which made me laugh.

"Sige, ulit?" Pia said.

Then we tried again. This time, the butterflies residing in my stomach fluttered faster than ever before and the world around us seemed to disappear bit by bit until it was just the two of us left.

A very far cry from all the men I've kissed. Including my two ex-husbands.

Alas, that couldn't last forever. Dropping dead from the lack of oxygen would certainly kill the moment, and Pia had to get home early to pick her daughters up from practice.

Still holding her hand, I led her to the door and sent her off. "See you tomorrow?"

A faint blush appeared on her cheeks. "See you tomorrow."

I reluctantly let go of her hand and oversaw her as she walked out until she's out of my line of sight. Once she was gone, I closed the door of my office and breathed a sigh of both euphoria and relief.

When I got out of the office to head home, I ran into Ninang along the way. "How did it go, Loren?"

Then she noticed the lipstick mark at the corner of my mouth. "Okay I didn't need to ask."