The Devil doesn't lie (English version)

What is she doing?

I sat on the couch, in the dark, watching the street lights, mixed, fighting at my window, to enter. Printed on wall, light shades of green, sometimes red, depending on which light was stronger. The bright pharmacy cross sign, across the street, or the brothel, hidden behind a Thai massage advertising. I see them often at the window, smoking a cigarette,  during breaks. There's nothing Thai in them, even Asian. They are from Romania and Moldova. I hear them talking, cramped, 2-3, on a narrow window. Some of them are very beautiful, cheerful, often hear their loud laughter. Everyone knows what happens there, police alike. But no one bothers them and everything goes on, night after night. It's an entire different world, which we do not see or understand.

I'll wake up in the morning, again, at 7 am. I'll get in that trashy car and  go to work. Sitting there for hours, hating those around and their boring stories. Definitely will be another stressful day. Nobody really knows what i am doing, but they  don't care. Wanting  just to see the result, otherwise the  stress moves to them too. Panic and nervousness rises. The aim of my work is not to solve problems, but to avoid nervousness of others to bestow upon me, or not too much. At the end of the month I get paid anyway. Even if I didn't do anything at all, it would take them two months to get rid of me. This way I would attract the hate of all. I would love to do that, is one of my plans.To go one day and not doing anything. Seeing everything going down the drain, how my decision has a devastating effect inside them, spreading easily, like a tsunami, to the top. Leaving all nervous to their homes, spreading that anger to others. Spreading it to other drivers in traffic, to which one of my colleagues is honking the horn, nervous, maybe screaming at a policeman who dares to stop him. Others may spread it in the supermarket, angry that the lines are too big and only few cashiers. Some colleagues may start a fight in the subway, at the rush hour, because someone is pushing them.

         Today, at lunch break, I opened an emergency door in the hypermarket. I thought that's exits. I hardly cared when the alarm started. I looked at the cashiers who stopped their usual activity and turned to me. I was a little amused, without strong feelings of guilt. i'm sure the  fire department called, an employee had to explain that it was an accident. Alarm sound very loud and no one seemed to  stop it, went for minutes, maybe. All of their eyes looked likely they did not understand why someone would do that, why would someone be so stupid. I looked at them, said sorry and left.

         But the perfect blonde, from the elevator, does she have that kind of trouble? Does she now sits in her room thinking she has only 5 hours until the alarm clock starts to ring. Does she think with disgust of tomorrow, when the alarm starts at 7 ? I'll snooze it two or three times, falling back to sleep, in cycles of 10 minutes, then, disappointed that she returned in this ugly world, will get out of bed in the cold room?

       I do not know what she does, but certainly she's not part of this world. Probably the world of those girls, from the window. I mean it's not a prostitute, that world is much more complex than that. This kind of girls are attracted by the other world's gravity.  Us, the simple and unimportant, we remain trapped in our world of seemingly comfort. We live in simplicity and die so, anonymously.

     I know that i'll never get there. I reconciled with the idea. Like invisible ants, we are just coming out of the egg and begin to work. We never oppose the system and accept that we are powerless. Thinking this is a normal world and that it is so beautiful. The truth is that we are built to adapt to any conditions. We will adapt very quickly to any suffering, it's important to be constant.

       We are made to conquer new territories, to kill any competition, we spread further and further, invading the unknown . We are the specie that would destroy everything it is in front of us , just to see what's beyond that.

       Now I want more, I am no longer satisfied with anything. I want power, I want to influence the world,  to leave a visible mark. Yes, this chick really can manipulate without saying anything. It produced within me a strong desire for liberation from this  hamster's cage. But I know too well. I'll fall asleep soon,  wake up at 7,  eat a banana,  brush my teeth and hurry to the anthill. Few months will pass, full of insignificant days, and then I'll have a boost like this, where I get tired of anonymity and normality. Will last several minutes or hours, I'll fall asleep again, morning come, and I take it over again. It is not the first time it happens. I know too well, that I will die in anonymity.

Tonight I couldn't say anything in the elevator. I wanted, but I couldn't! It was as if I knew all the words in the vocabulary only that I was unable to elaborate one phrase, or even a sentence, preferably with a question mark at the end. Nothing, I said nothing. That happens to me often. At work really I prefer not to get into discussions, but this lack of training maybe brought me here.

I want this night to be endless, I love this emotion. It gave me new energy. I feel like I'm in another life, another reality. feel hope and dream of a future in which I'm someone else. Only the fact that I was next to her, as I stood motionless and mute, at 17cm from her, it makes me give one more chance to life. If only this , life started to make a sense, I wander would be like to make her mine? I would definitely  explode in a supernova, or I would learn to fly.

And when you think how many people are already tired of her, how many will not answer the phone. It's like priests would banish the Virgin Mary appeared in their dream. That is really funny. I wonder how many priests had sex, in a dream, with her, the Virgin Mary, and the next day were horrified by this act,  repenting in prayer. How many have enjoyed  themselves thinking about her. I'm sure we've all given free reign of forbidden thoughts, which we bitterly regretted afterwards.