The Devil doesn't lie (English version)

It was not supposed to be here

        Life was no longer anything new to me.  No longer has the ability to astound me, excite  me,more than 3 minutes. I was simply a trained animal,  waking up at 6, eat a banana and brush my teeth. No later than 7:45 I had to be in the car. 8-10 hours sitting at work, becoming a robot. Socializing with no one and just doing the job i had to do. Evening mostly I came straight home, rarely going out with Peter. His life is more tedious and stressful than mine, which gave me a hope to live. If I had not met anyone more deplorable, I think I wouldn't have continued it. The question was not how. That I've decided long ago. The question was whether the Neuf or Sully bridge.

      This evening I was not going out. I was simply going home, ready to eat some grapes, get in the bed, start something on youtube, remove the power cord from the laptop and fall asleep in front of it.

       I was living  in the south area, 130D. It is a very rainy autumn night. You could never find  a parking lot outside the building. so I had to leave it 10 minutes away from my home. No umbrella was in it, but I could have put my bag in the head. It was September 13, a bit cold, but I don't care if I get wet. This is the least problem of my life. Although the rain could help get rid of everything. Maybe I was lucky to get pneumonia and disappear in a few days. But I never had much luck. If I attended a game in which one of the two people wins, definitely I will be among the losers. 

        Also to my misfortune it is that God does not exist, otherwise I would have tried to anger him with something. I would have even tried to curse his son, this could have brought me the end. Father God I would not have allowed me to curse. It would be inappropriate. I can not behave in such a way with an older person,or entity. Even if the son has 2000 years, the only image I have of him is from the his thirties. Beautiful features, white shirt, unbuttoned, rich and healthy hair. The image of him in a white shirt, unbuttoned, I do not know where i have it from, but I imagine him so. Even I see him wearing a gold necklace with a crucifix. Already this image is starting to get weird. I wonder how it got such a picture in my mind, with the Son of God.

      I was soaking wet and amused me how water was pushed out of my shoes. My legs had become a kind of hydraulic pumps. This was one of the most beautiful evenings lately. Solitude, nature and imagination I think they have always been my best friends. Probably I was born with them and they'll accompany me and when I'll decide to one of those two bridges. Definitely we'll have fun all four.

      In front of me, with a white umbrella, white jeans, skinny, black leather jacket. I am fascinated by people who seem to have barely got their clothes out of the box. Sometimes I think only in movies is something so impeccable . But life demonstrates daily that some live in different realities than mine, different worlds. Without much worry in their lives, brilliant cars and the their houses seems to be like an IKEA store, missing only the price tags and  the arrows on the floor.

       Now she, in front of me, showing that there are beautiful lives, just that I wasn't born in one.  But such a body to exist, to have been drawn, someone to plan this, would mean that i would become verbally aggressive again, and this time even to curse the Creator, the old one. regardless of his age. I accept such an injustice simply because the nature acts randomly. There is no one to  think about these things, to plan, everything becomes random. I understand why there are so many manufacturing defects and only few perfections. It happens when nobody supervise the production line.

        I can't even get my eyes off this white. Ofcorse not that of the umbrella. Those legs and that ass are mesmerizing. I became like those pigeons in the park. The female goes in front, and a male behind her, watching her, thinking about mating. But perhaps shame, or fear of being accused of rape, make him go at the same pace with her. A faster pace would help him catch her and could jump on her back. But no, he doesn't do it. Sometimes he stops, perhaps not to be misinterpreted, not to seem too pushy. In that moment she stops. Probably thinking that he's too stupid, but she has no other offers. This one certainly have enough offers. She does not even know i am behind. And anyway, even if she notice, I am only an object of decor, like lighting poles. Just that they can not follow. But if it could i'm sure they would have done it

       I would have done this all night. I would have walked behind her forever, it was only rain. What mattered that  my clothes were wet and glued on the skin, my body i think was visible through the shirt, that streams of water ran down my face and  earlier almost to lose a shoe. but didn't matter anyway, they were too worn. The problem was that i'm getting close to the building where I live. If I was to cross that line I would become a stalker, a sexually obsessed, a danger for a normal society, in which I wanted to live. Up to this point I was a man as normal as possible, on the way home, admiring a beautiful woman, or just a nice ass, some interesting legs, placed at the right distance from each other,  creating an attractive gap , impeccable clothes and extremely beautiful blond hair, straight and shiny. Following her beyond that point, beyond the stairs of my building, would transform me like from a  respectable doctor into a killing monster.

    Now, that was as near my building's stairs, I quickly wiped my eyes, so I could see her clearly, one more time, in those three seconds that I had left, before I was to do right and vanish in my flat.

       But there was no need anymore. All my plan were ruined. I needed to rethink, fast , but the brain was stuck, not able to process anything. She also had made right. It was in front of my door. I had no plan and i was in bad shape. Shirt sticking out of the trousers, longer than the jacket, stuck to the skin. I was holding my pants from falling, that day I forgot to take a belt. Their  current weight was too big to stand alone on me. I was dragging  one shoe, the one i was about to loose earlier, mostly pushing on the ground, afraid to raise the leg. I wanted to stop there, to let her enter. I could wait here a minute. 

        She opened the door and turned to me. I was pretending  to search for something in pockets. Left hand was already in one, keeping pants from falling

         - You come in?  She asked, in a voice so clear, smiling at me

         - Yes! I answered unwavering,  rushing to the entrance, trying to appear indifferent of her, still searching for that thing that does not exist.

        We were together in the elevator, going to the same floor. The water was flowing out of me, on the dry floor.  I was smelling like rain, or that part of nature that you do not notice, it does not get your attention, simply is there. The smell of dry earth, the smell of the tree stem, the smell of rusty iron.

       She smelled as perfection, expensive perfume, as something made to fully manipulate the mind of others, leaving them without control. Made to hit the olfactory receptors of all the  primates and send a strong message in the brain, a signal of obedience.

         How many victims she had today ?! Certainly I'm not the first. Even with this state of fatigue and soaking wet, pants ready to fall off, I'd be able to do anything she would say. If she would ask me now to go across town, because she forgot a lipstick, I would go without thinking. I would not get in my house to change. I would open the door of the elevator, for her, and than I would rush down, to get back as quickly as i could.

        The elevator stopped, it was 3rd floor, she already opened the door and was waiting for me. I woke up quickly, my mind was already in the north of the city, searching for that building where the lipstick was left

         - Good evening! She said smiling and took left to her apartment.

          I followed her with my eyes, for a while, while the light kindle on her path

*** My english is not so good. I use Google to translate my novel. Please correct me ***