Until The Very End

Chapter 19

Elizabeth's POV

I wanna die.

I swear, fate is messing with me. I mean, come on! I was having a good time until he decided to lead Blake to me. Now he surely thinks that I'm crazy.

Now I'm standing in the middle of his room watching him eating the food I made. It's an awkward silence between us which I would like to brake. Only one problem.

What should I say?

I always thought that I will met him and we will catch everything up. Well I thought so wrong. Turned out that he hates me, doesn't even want to speak with me. He is completely avoiding me.

But it would be nice if he would let me explain everything to him. I mean, I never had the chance.

It hurts knowing that he is that typical 'bad boy' in our school like sleeping with the sluts, having fights with other guys (I will never forget the night where I got nearly raped), goes to party and maybe even smoke and do drugs. This isn't the Blake I knew. He was a complete stranger to me.

However, sometimes I really think that this is the best way for both of us. If I ever tell him about my illness, he won't be that affected when we aren't that close. He doesn't love me or anything. I'm only a girl who ruined his world 10 years ago. It would also easier for me to go. I don't have to worry that I will hurt with it.

That's right, I love him. Very much. But I only want the best for him and telling him that I'm going to die is nothing near that. Keeping it a secret is easy for me. If people see me having problem with breathing I only tell them that I was running or that I have asthma. It's not a bug deal.

I also trust Chase do not telling anyone until I say so. He is a really nice guy and I see him as a second brother. He takes care of me even thought he doesn't know me that well.

There is another reason why I'm keeping it as a secret. I don't want their pity. They will look at me with those pitiful eyes and act like I'm made of glass. Sure I'm not fit or anything but I still can do everything any teenager can beside of running.

To be honest, I only have a few months left. I really want to spend it with Blake. I want to make some new memories. I want to know him again. And maybe....Just maybe he will like me again (Sister way). I won't complain if he doesn't fall in love with me. Only being with him is enough for me. Wow I really sound like some poet. I don't even know if it's called poet...whatever, you all know what I want to say.

"Lizy!"

My head snapped at Blake who looked at me with mixed emotions. I looked at him shocked and surprised at the same time. You ask why? Because the last time he called me Lizy was when we were still kids. While other people would call me Eli, Liz, Beth and Eliza, he wanted to call something special and came up with Lizy. Since I came back, he would always call me by my full name or nickname.

I'm really happy that he still remembers that name. Even I almost forget it since no one called me that since 10 years now.

"Are you even listening?" Blake said and sighed.

"I'm sorry. I spaced out. What did you say?" I asked.

"I said, we have to talk."

He wants to talk to me? Wow did his fever got up again?

I went to him and put a hand on his forehead.

"What are you suddenly doing?" he asked looking at me weirdly.

"Your fever is already gone..." I mumbled.

"What?"

"Ah...ehm..nothing. It's only a bit shocking for me...I mean you talking to since you made clear that you hate me and never want to see me again..." I trailed off looking at my fingers.

It was silent for a minute before I hear him letting out a heavy sigh.

"Just sit down so that we can talk or do want to stand there the whole time?"

Without saying anything I said down on his computer chair beside his bed. Then he wanted to speak when I interrupted him.

"Before you say something...I'm sorry."

He was about to say something but I shut him off.

"No, don't say anything and just hear me out. I am sorry for everything, for leaving you, for hurting you, for being the reason why you turned like this, for being the reason you hate me. I can't imagine what you felt when you found out I left. However, it's not my fault. Well not exactly. I've been trying to explain to you everything but you never gave me the chance to. When I left, I didn't understand a thing. I was so confused why we suddenly had to move. I didn't had the chance to say goodbye to you which was a big mistake. However, you don't know how I felt. Of course I was sad." I paused feeling the tears staring to form in my eyes.

"You don't know how many times I tried to get in contact to you but it never went through. I cried because I missed you so much." I took a deep breath before I continued.

"However, suddenly some...things came up and I got easily distracted. But one thing was for sure. I never forgot about our time as kids. Everything is blurry in my mind but there was one thing I remember clearly.

Our promise.

The only thing that helped me to go through everything. That's why I was so happy to know that I was going back here. I wanted to find my childhood friend who I loved so much. But then I found its you. It's not like I hate you. I was shocked. Who wouldn't? And then knowing that I was the reason for it made everything only worser. Even though you always pushed me away, even though you said you hate me and even though you never wanted to see and speak with me again...I accepted it. I accepted you hating me. I couldn't get mad you for not letting me explain." I felt a single tear slide down my cheek.

I didn't look to him and only stared at my finger which were on my lap.

"It's funny though because there is only one reason for it. The only reason why I still care about you, why I can't help but always worry about you. It took a while for me to finally realise it. To realise that I love you so damn much that I can't stay away from you even though I tried. I wanted you to be happy and I didn't wanted to get in the way. But I just couldn't." I paused again and wiped off the tears from my cheeks.

I slowly stood up and made my way the door and stopped in front of it. I didn't dare to look at Blake right now.

"I know you still hate me and since I had my chance now I think this is our last conversation. There is no need for me to stay around you, right? Just remember that I only want the best for you and I am grateful that you were/still are my first love."

My voice cracked at the end when more tears came out. I tried to held a sniff which failed.

I was about to walk out when I felt two strong arms wrapping around my shoulder stopping me from my actions. My eyes widened.

"B-Blake..?"

He sighed deeply and put his head on my shoulders before he spoke up.

"I love you too..."