this is gonna be a serious, deep part. fasten yo seatbelts cuz it's boutta get bUMPY
-
Sometimes I lay in bed, the covers thrown off of my warm body, thinking about things. Whatever comes into my brain at the time. I think about love, and if I'll ever have some of my own. I think about all the boys I have ever liked, wondering if they ever felt the same way about me. I think about that one boy who used to like me, and remember how I felt when I realized how serious his feelings for me were, and how that gave me hope for the future, that I actually might find love one day. That I actually might get married and have children and an art studio in my home where I have paint fights with my husband and end up with paint-covered overalls, not regretting any of the previous events that had just occurred in those wonderful moments. The next thing I know my mind has travelled to, well, my own mind. What if peple could hear what I was thinking? What if I was thinking so loudly that you could hear it screaming through my skull? What if I was the only person that was actually alive and real, and everyone else was some sort of game piece that had certain lines to say at certain times, and everything around me was just a hologram that didn't actually do anything but tell me that they have done things that they actually haven't? That's a mouthful, but it's honestly the only way I can fully explain it. What if everyone had a chance to live a life like that, where you were the only person truly alive? What if life is like an enormous labyrinth that you have to weave your way through to get out of it? You have to face the obstacles of love, heartbreak, depression, sadness, confusion, and all the other influential moods that place you in a dark state sometimes. If you use the knowledge of other people's mistakes, (suicide, dumb decisions, choosing the wrong person, etc.) then maybe, just maybe, you can escape the enormous labyrinth that is life in itself. But what if it sn't that way? Perhaps life is just what we expected it to be. A normal, ninety something years that we are, well, things. What if there isn't a God, or Heaven, or Hell? When we die, we could possibly just be nothing. Just a sack of flesh and bone, rotting in the ground. I wonder what that would feel like. Think back to when you were born. No, further back than that, I'm talking about the black void that was your life before you were born. Do you remember that? Do you remember not moving, or thinking, or eating, or breathing, or talking, or laughing? Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. I've conjured up something of the sort. Not much, just blackness. Emptiness. I like to think about time, too. You know how a week goes by really fast sometimes? Or a day? Or perhaps even a minute? And when you say, "This week went by quickly" and your friends or parents agree with you? What if it didn't just feel like it went by fast, but it actually did go faster than normal? Maybe if you are having a really bad week it just seems to flow throughout the world and time just slows down a bit. Or when you are having the best time of your life, the minutes go by quicker than normal pace because if you have too much fun for too long, whenever the time came to stop having that fun, you were left in an awful, depressing state that you could not get out of, because you realized that your life could be so much better than it is.
-
told you it'd be bumpy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
