My Lifetime Savior

Chapter 5: Take the Risk?

L E I G H T O N

I've been staring at my laptop too long now. I don't know why, but stupid thoughts just crosses my head.

Kakasimula palang mg klase namin kahapon. Masaya pa ako kahapon e. Bakit ba ganito ang laging nangyayari? When you're happy, expect something 'unhappy' in return... But why so sudden?

Two months...

That's what Allan, my personal doctor, who happens to be my brother's best buddy told me earlier.

Dalawang buwan na lang ang itatagal ko. What the hell, right? Sino ba siya para sabihin sa akin yon? He's not God to predict if I'm gonna live or die!

Ang sabi niya sakin, Mali daw ang una niyang binalita sakin about sa span ng life ko. Pero ayos naman sakin yon noon diba? Actually sobrang pabor pa sa akin kung mamamatay na lang ako. I'm ready, I  fucking am. Pero bakit ngayon ganito ang pakiramdam ko? Gusto ko pang tumagal. Bigla ko gusto humaba ang buhay ko.

"Hush down, princess." Kuya's soothing words woke up my senses. Hindi ko manlang pansin si Kuya. Ni hindi ko manlang pansin na umiiyak na pala ako. Pero bakit? Bakit ako nagkaka ganito?

"K-kuya... S-orry... I can't... S-tay..." That's all I could utter between my sobs and he hugged me immediately. It's all I need right now and thank God he's here.

"Allan told me everything. Bakit 'di mo agad ako sinabihan? Bakit ka kumikilos ng mag-isa? Bakit ka ba nagsa-sarili ng problema, huh?" Mag kaunting galit sa tono niya. Hindi ko siya masisisi. Pero alam ko na kungs siya ang nasa sitwasyon ko ay iyon rin ang gagawin niya.

"I cannot change anything. You knew it. Kahit na sabihin ko walang magagawa 'yon. It can't help prolong my life. Kuya, I'm dying! You need to accept it, too!" Nanginginig at naluluha kong sambit. I feel sorry for my brother. I know he's just concerned, but my mouth's as if has it's own controller.

"I know, Leigh. But have you even thought of us? Your family? Your friends? What about us, L? Tell me, what about us? Ni minsan ba naisip mo kung ano ang magiging epekto mo samin? Lalo na sina mama?" 

"Kaya nga pinipilit kong makisama sainyo at ilayo kayo ng dahan-dahan sakin at the same time. Kuya I know I'm a bomb. Few more moments and I'll explode. I don't want much casualty. Ayoko kayong saktan ng sobra..." Hindi ko na kaya. Masyadong mahirap ang usapang ito para sa akin. Tumayo na ako at iniwan si Kuya sa sala kung saan ako naka tambay kanina.

You're crazy, Leigh. You totally are! Why do you keep on hurting the ones you love?!

But before I reach the front door, I heard my brother shouted.

"But at least try to take the risks. You're life maybe is short, but that doesn't mean it wasn't worth to spend!"

I got stunned for a moment. Maybe he was right... And maybe wrong, too. I don't know. I need to refresh my mind. So, what I did next was escape. I went to the park where I first talked to Ton.

Pagkarating ko sa park, walang tao doon. As usual.

Tumingala ako. Inobserbahan ko ang kalangitan. The color of it Blue and sometimes gray... Then the clouds are shouting purity and peace in the color of white.

Napangiti ako sa biglang naalala ko. I closed my eyes and listened to my heart as my I tried to bring back the old memory I have in the past...

"Do you know why the sky is blue and the clouds are white?" My seven year old friend asked while smiling boastfully at me. Tsss. Mayabang talaga kahit kailan!

"Why? I don't know. But I wanna know. Tell me!" I answered honestly. He gave me a wide grin and gazed at the calm and clear sky.

"The blue one, yan ang sky." He gestured the sky by pointing on the blue part. I stared blankly at him.

"Duh? What do you think of me, naive? I'm five years old pero alam ko. Bakit yan blue?!" I asked impatiently. Kaasar 'tong yabang na'to.

"It's because of _____. Pasensya na. I was just introducing it to you. Sungit!" He said with a frown.

"Now, how about... The clooouuuds? Why are they white, then?" I asked dreamingly.  Di ko na pinansin ang facial expression nya at tumingala para mapatingin sa mga ulap. They are my happiness. Why? Because they look like white cotton candies! My favorite sweets!

"Why are you drooling? Yuck!" He said, annoying me. Tsss. He acts like a gay!

"Yuck your face. Hoy! I'm not drooling! Gay!" I snapped at him. Natawa namam sya. I don't know why. I'm still angry at him!

"And I'm not 'Gay'. Just wait 'til we get on the right age and I'll marry you." Saad naman nyang seryosong nakatingin sa mata ko. He's being a jerk. Sa mga movies lang yung ganong bagay. We'll leave this place soon at makakalimutan nya rin ako. We're just kids!

"As if papayag ako!" I make silly faces at him.

"Of course. Because if not, I won't let you know why the your beloved 'floating cotton candies' are white." He's blackmailing me now! Unfair! I glared at him and then sighed at the end. I know he was just making fun of me. Like what he always do.

"Aha! Sabi na talaga effective to e! Hahaha!" He laughed and then hugged me tightly. Natawa nalang rin ako. Sabi na nga ba. Biro lang nya to e.

*Shuuusssshhhh*

The cold and fast breeze of wind washed out that memory lane. Hindi ko matandaan kung ano ang itsura nung batang kausap ko, or even his name, all I can remember was our "memories". Sino kaya at nasaan na kaya sya ngayon? He seems to be so close to me kaya naman sana kung nasaan man sya ngayon ay ayos lang ang kalagayan nya.

I reached for my necklace and stared at it. He gave this to me the moment our family left that place.

Sa Pampanga ata yon... Or sa Bulacan? I can hardly remember. But all I can say is that. He's the only friend I got before, and the only friend I've had when I was still "normal".

Pinikit ko ng mariin ang mga mata ko at ngumiti sa kalangitan sabay nang pagdilat ng mata.

"Should I take the risk?"