Silence.

1

More, more, more.

What does it feel to care for the world? I can't care. It's a blur. Everything's a blur.

I close my eyes, I want to calm down, sleep, but there's just nausea. The world turning. Spinning.

More, more, more.

I am alone.

Every sip makes me feel hated. Loved.

Craving. I crave. To feel that I still feel.

More...more...

We need to stand tall to feel the sun on our faces.

---

"Fuck you! Fuck you, Slash! Motherfucker!"

Axl's loud, enraged voice was ringing in my ears, making me grimace as he stood in the doorway, but I could barely see him, my view blurred in a strong alcohol infused haze.

I was halfway kneeling, halfway laying on the floor of his wide bathroom, my head resting on the toilet bowl, my breath coming fast and loud, my stomach clenching violently.

Axl kept on cursing, insulting me, while I leaned over, gagging, a flush of vomit leaving my mouth with great pressure, burning through my nose.

I couldn't breath.

The sour, disgusting taste of stomach acid in my mouth as I tried to breath properly again, my whole body hurting, as I spit great amounts of saliva into the water.

"You goddamn junkie! Are you feeling good now, yeah?! That's what you want, asshole?! Cause' it's what you deserve!"

"Shut...up, Axl...", was the only response I could slur out, as I sat down beside the toilet brush, cold sweat all over my face.

"No! I won't fuckin' shut up! Not this time!"

I let a hand brush over my face.

Numb.

Numb.

I was numb.

I tried to block him out, cause' I felt so miserable I was trembling all over, my head seemingly exploding.

"You're putting yourself through that shit almost every day, Slash! Every damn day! Why can't you never stop when it's enough?! Fuckin' alcoholic!"

His words were true and I knew it, I fuckin' knew it, but I didn't want to hear them.

"I know..."

A disgusted low snarl.

"Yeah but you're not getting it, are you?! Goddamit, I really have no fuckin' patience for shit like that!"

"Fuck...off...Axl!"

"You can't even talk straight! Just look at you! You're just a useless piece of shit!"

He walked out, kicking against the shelf beside him. I quickly crawled to my feet, running after him, but I was not even able to walk, landing hard on the ground just in front of him, looking up into his angry face.

"Do you even realize what a fuckin' wimp you are?!"

"Fuck...you..."

"You're going to fuckin' kill yourself, Slash! And damn, I'm not going to watch you waist your life like that. Not anymore."
"Whatya...mean...asshole?"

"I mean what I said! It's enough. Screw your life, drink yourself to death, do whatthefuckever you want but don't expect me to stay and fuckin' watch you."