The Realms [Watty 2017 Shortlist]

Goodbye - Part 40

I kneel down beside him and cradle his head in my arms. He wraps his arms around my waist. I check my watch quickly, fearful of the time. I have five minutes and although I won't be trapped on the First Realm for all of eternity thanks to his mother, I'm still bound to the other promises I made. I still have to go. I touch the spot above my heart where the tattoo symbolizes my commitment to Ryan and then at my wrist which symbolizes my betrayal. He turns his head to look at the ticking clock.

"What good is this position if I can't save anyone I love?"

Tears pool in my eyes at his grief and I wonder how I can ever rationalize why his happiness always comes second to the position he earned. "Oh Ryan...I wish I had an answer for you that would make any sense." I stroke his hair and my heart feels like it's dying a slow death outside my body, on the floor where the portal will surely open to rip us apart once again. When we're down to three minutes, I push back from him a little and look behind me, wondering when I'll be pulled out too.

"Don't look. Stop looking." He wipes his face with his hand and presses his hands across his forehead before letting them drop. "I need you to listen to me. I knew my mother was going to stab my father if I couldn't find a loophole. There were just too many problems and not enough time." He kisses my forehead and seems to be regaining some of his old self. "You're a horrible bargainer. You are never allowed to do any bargaining for me, ever. I think my shoes could have bargained for more time."

I feel a half smile blooming and I'm amazed at his ability to regroup. "I don't think that's going to be a problem." I choke back a sob.

He ducks his head down, catching my eyes. "I can't stop the portal from opening; I can't stop you from going through. I have tried everything I could possibly do. I begged the keepers to let you stay, I threatened, I made deals, but I just didn't have enough time. I'm sorry, Hannah, I'm so so sorry."

"You're the last person who needs to apologize. I kept all of this from you; I caused all of this. Everything that is happening right now is my fault. I deserve this fate. I deserve it."

"Do I? Do I deserve to be unhappy because you made one colossal mistake and then compounded it with more mistakes?" He sighs and shakes his head. "I don't want to fight. I don't want to fight. We have one minute left and I refuse to fight with you. I am fighting for you, Hannah, for you. I've tried to put some things in place; I'm not giving up."

"What if it doesn't work? What if none of it works?" I grasp his shirt as I realize that our time is now so limited. "I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave you. I can't, I can't do it." I dig my fingernails into the scar on my wrist. "We can cut it out. I'll dig it out; I won't go." I can hardly get the words out through my tears and desperation is suffocating me. I look at the numbers as I scratch at my skin. I see the portal starting to weave around me. I'm almost wild with fear. Ryan clasps my hands, stilling their frantic motions and looks into me. Tears blur my vision.

"Don't look at it. Focus on me. Focus on me. I'll get you back, Hannah. I'm getting you back."

"It's not enough time, Ryan. I need more time." I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him closer. I can't get close enough; I need to remember what he feels like, what this feels like. I need to burn it into my brain; tattoo it on my skin; brand myself with him; I can't forget this.

He strokes my face as I start to feel the portal sucking me in and I feel my eyes go wide with fear. "I'm going to get us lifetimes, Hannah. There'll never be enough time anywhere for us."

The pull's becoming stronger and I'm glad that I'm aware of it this time, that I know it's coming, that I understand what's happening, that I know enough to hang on with everything in me. I don't take my eyes off him as I say, "I don't want to let go."

He kisses me tenderly on the lips and squeezes my hands and then pulls me closer, as close as he can get me as he deepens the kiss and then I'm being pulled backward and I hold onto his hand, even as our fingers slip and the blackness surrounds me, I hold on.