Listen Before You Speak

Chapter 17

Dedicated to Corné; my own Blake who would do something as beautiful like this in a heartbeat. I love you.

I was in enfolded in complete silence in the back of the car. Sure. I could have asked the driver to put on some music. He would probably have put on whatever I asked for even if he had to make a stop at the music store, but I was just to used to being silent, and even if I wasn't I was too damn nervous to speak at all.

I was on my way to my first date with Blake. Well, official date... Scrap that. My first date ever! I have no idea what it is going to be like, or what to expect. Sure, like any other kid I have watched movies where the nice guy shifts the girl off to some fantastic opera where she cries and afterwards they declare their love. And then the make love...

Oh shit!

I was nowhere near to just jumping into bed with Blake! What if that is what he is expecting when the date is over? What if he wants us to... do it...? What if I am no good? I can't take all of this pressure all at once.

For the first time in days I really wish that I had my phone with me. The phone that Lucy had confiscated to make sure that Blake and I can enjoy one full night without any interruptions. The only device that could have possibly given me a way out from all of this. What if we had dinner and I didn't know what to say? Worse... What if I said all the wrong things? What if he doesn't like my make-over that Lucy helped me with? What if he fell in love with a broken boy and doesn't like me now that I look like I'm a bit fixed up? What if he has a need to be with guys that's broken and now doesn't want me anymore?

And what about the ex-boyfriend? Why did they break up? What if I was even worse than Blake's ex? And why on earth did I start to give a damn about what other people thought about me?

Luckily I didn't have much more time to ponder stupid questions and weird ideas, since the car seemed to slow down, stopping in front of...

"The movies?" I said out loud to no one in particular. It wasn't the most romantic spot, or even the most original idea. At least it meant that I would not have to worry about saying the wrong things if I was occupied with watching the screen. Unless... The back of the theatre...

"Oh my gawd..." I mumbled, trying to wipe the idea of doing greasy stuff on a seat in the back of the movie out of my mind just as the driver finally opened the door.

I looked at him as if I had never seen him before. He wasn't old at all. In fact, he wasn't that much older than what I was. He was probably around twenty-three, which maybe was a bit older, but not that much. And he wasn't bad looking either. If he was still in school I might have liked him. He had a certain twinkle in his eye that wanted to make me laugh. Almost as if he wanted to admit that he felt like a monkey in a zoo when wearing his uniform that was obviously two sizes too big for him, unless he maybe just had very small shoulders that is.

"We are here sir," he said as he opened the door.

"Please don't call me sir," I snapped, but I felt guilty immediately. "I'm sorry... I'm Elijah," I offered.

"Kevin," he said with a nod and tried to gesture with his hand that I should get out.

"Are you going to be waiting here until we are done?" I asked Kevin. Maybe I was just making conversation, but at the same time I thought it would have been really reassuring to know that Kevin was out here waiting, ready to drive me away from what could potentially be a tragic scene.

"Yes sir... I mean Elijah sir... I mean..." Kevin blushed. I could see he was doing his best to keep to whatever he was told to do, but also wanted me to give him a raving review. It kind of made him look cute, struggling in the way he was.