it was two hours later, when phil was standing in front of his bedroom mirror, a tie hanging around his neck, the loose ends in both of his hands. he bit his lip once he noticed his expression, simply uninterested and tired and unhappy, and he tried fixing that by smiling at himself in the mirror, only to press his face into his open palms in frustration when the expression looked forced.
he sighed, pressing down over his crisp white shirt, smoothing the fabric and adjusting his collar. there wasn't much time left before they had to leave, and honestly, phil was dreading it. he didn't want to face dan, or pj, or anyone for that matter.
he had showered again, after what happened in hopes of washing it down his memory, but the scalding shower did nothing but patter on his naked back, turning the pale skin into an unforgiving red colour.
the bruise over his cheek was darkening, soft shades of purple and pink swirling on his left cheek, only making it harder for him to look at himself. what the hell had he done? he wanted to blame it all on dan, for so many reasons he even could, but for once the rationality refused, wanting him to suffer the consequences of his actions.
he sighed, stepping away from the mirror and lowering down once again on his bed, feeling the mattress dip under his weight as he leaned back on his palms. there wasn't much time before dan and him had to drive to the ceremony and his mind was bursting with guilt and anxiousness and insecurity regarding nothing in particular.
particularity wasn't something that was prevalent in phil's life since the past few months. his thoughts were constantly scattered, bouncing off the walls of his mind and landing on unexpected conclusions that weren't necessarily good. they were messy and chaotic and made no sense at all, which seemed to just fuel the frustration in phil's attitude.
the space in his room was suddenly tighter, and his clothes seemed to cage his breathing so he decided to get off the bed and smoothen down his shirt once again before walking out.
dan's room was open wide, with dan standing in front of the mirror, a straightener in his hand as he clipped his curly brown hair between the clamps, releasing them in perfectly straight strands across his forehead.
"you ready?" phil's mouth opened involuntarily and he could see dan visibly jump, the straightener almost dropping from his hands.
"oh um yeah i—" dan began stammering, his voice stuck in his throat once he turned around to look at phil briefly. dan would like to think that phil didn't notice the way dan's eyes were raking across his broad shoulders or the way dan's lips were parted slightly just at the sight of him.
dan liked to think that, but it wasn't true because phil noticed. noticed the way the younger boy's actions have seemed to completely stop and the way warm brown eyes were soaking in his appearance.
and maybe that is why phil could feel the heat rise in his cheeks.
dan snapped out of his trance seconds later, quickly turning back around to face the mirror to hide his embarrassed expression. his hands were shaking as he attempted to straighten a particular curl in his hair, and honestly, he was getting frustrated with the lack of coordination in his body just by one look at phil.
he hated the effect that the older boy had on him.
"what time are we leaving?" phil asked, voice slow, cheeks still tinted pink, both from embarrassment of what happened earlier between them and with the flattering look dan gave him.
"i-i um, twenty minutes? yeah, twenty minutes," dan repeated. he seemed to have lost track of his actions, his body barely reactive to what the rational side of his brain was telling him.
