I Am The Alpha (Part 2)

Part 4

I push myself up from the tangle of black sheets and find myself in a large room with one red wall and three white ones. I am sitting on a large black metal bed, the sides designed to look like vines curling up at the end and creating a mass of delicate swirls as a headboard. It’s beautiful. To my right is a set of white windows that end above a large window seat covered in a few red and black pillows all of which look really new and unused. A desk, sofa and set of book shelves are scattered around the room. I stretch out and get to my feet realising I am in that same shirt I was wearing in that god forsaken hospital.

 I walk to the dark, wooden desk that seems strangely empty. My eyes search its contents and find a small glass vase filled with feathers of all different sizes as well as a beautiful glass figurine of a large white wolf howling at a nonexistent moon. A few textbooks are strewn across the shelves that come out of the back of the desk as well as several novels. I look away from the desk to a set of inbuilt doors that must lead to the wardrobe and decide to investigate. I open the doors to find a very neat and unhealthy looking collection of clothing... whose wardrobe is neat? I look through the clothes to find mostly jeans, trackies, leather jackets and t-shirts... nice. I look to the floor and find several scuffed pairs of trainers, combat boots and converse as well as stacks of small boxes.

A jersey catches my eyes and I pick it up to find ‘Erin’ printed across the back. Erin. Erin. My heart beats begin to quicken, I bring the jersey to my face and take a sniff finding no familiar smell... it would have been washed. Is this my room? I drop the jersey and rush out of the wardrobe, closing the doors quickly. My eyes search the room again and again hoping that something would just jump out at me and make it all make sense. This is my room? That doesn’t even make sense... sure the colours match me but it’s neat and impersonal... and girly.

I spot another door and rush towards it, opening it to find a decent sized bathroom. White towels are hung on the wall next to a large shower made out of tinted glass on the opposite wall is two mirrors that form the doors of cabinets with the usual sink and draws underneath. Hair elastics are piled up in the corner and a hair brush sits near them. Another set of windows like the ones in the bedroom line another wall, their glass tinted for privacy. I open the draws using their silver handles and find an array of lip balms, more hair ties and moisturisers in the first one, girl things in the second and a set of pjs and underwear in the last larger one. I pull out the baggy black t-shirt and baggy red cotton shorts and huff in acceptance... I would wear these. I then pull out the underwear... plain and simple; definitely all I would put in a bathroom.

I move from the draws and swing open the cabinet to find a very messy looking collection of things... this is more like it. Bandages, band aids, lotions, unused perfumes, deodorant, creams, sun cream, a toothbrush and some toothpaste as well as a bunch of other crap are scattered around in no particular order. I swing the doors closed and push the draws back in. I find myself moving quicker than human pace as I speed towards the large shower and swing the door open finding an array of shower jells and shampoos and conditioners of all different brands and scents as well as plain soup, a razor and a scrubbing brush... I have always loved long showers. This must be my room.

I shake my head and push away from the shower, walking slowly out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom once again sinking into the bed. I guess my room could be like this... how would I ever fucking know?

A knock on the door brings me out of my frantic thoughts. “Yes?” I call after a moment and the door swings open to reveal a worried looking Cole.

“I’m guessing that you’ve figured out where you are by now.” He grins leaning against the doorframe. So I’m right.

“It seems wrong” I mutter mostly to myself once again looking around the room.

“You might want to ask Asher and the others about that.” He hints, “They may have gone mental when you ended up in here and managed to wreck the whole place searching for answers of some kind” Ah, they trashed my room... I guess that makes sense. I take a deep breath. How could I have been so stupid? The scents of those guys, the pack are all around this... my room.

“Peachy” I mutter sarcastically finally looking back up at Cole who finally walks into the room coming to stand in front of me.

“You can start re doing it tomorrow if you want to”

“I guess I’ll have to start somewhere”

“It would be a good idea” he hints with a small smile... he has a nice smile I guess.

“Where am I?” I question.

“On the top floor of the Pack house”

“Who else lives here?”

“The whole Pack”

“Are there any rules in this place?” I question purely so I can begin to figure out how to bend them.

“Since when did you care about rules?” he accuses. How the fuck did he...? Oh yeah he knows me.

I roll my eyes at him, “Just tell me the god damn rules” I growl.

“Most of them were made by you anyway so you can probably guess” I raise my eyebrows at him that actually doesn’t surprise me.

“So not walking into my room while I’m changing, in the shower, busy or pissed off?” I ask flatly daring him to question me. He narrows his eyes but I ignore him “No eating my food without permission, no parties without my permission and no sluts walking around in the nude” I smirk at his pissed off expression.

“I was hoping you had forgotten some of those”

I growl at him, “So tell me why exactly am I dating you if you want sluts walking around in the nude?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it”

“Whatever you say” I mutter looking away. How the fuck would I know anyway. Tears threaten to break my composure but I push them away. From now on no one can see how this affects me, I am Erin Daniels not some depressed sissy.

Suddenly I feel his hand under my chin and find my head jerked back around to face him. I growl in protest. I look up finding myself suddenly very close to those piercing blue eyes that seem like they can see right into my soul. “I only want you” the words hover in the air filled with truth and a hint of want that scares me a little bit. My heart quickens. Out of everything I’ve seen so far this is the most unfamiliar. I go to open my mouth but no sound comes out. “Don’t worry I know you don’t feel the same... not anymore but I will wait” I close my mouth and swallow hard. How can I do this? Why am I letting him promise me things I don’t even know if I want? Who could it hurt?

Be brave Erin. What if you did love him? Are you going to throw that away? No one said you had to make your mind up right away. Why not take a chance? My hands begin to shake, unnoticeable to anyone but me. What if my memories disappear again and I have to repeat this over and over and over? How can I learn to love him if I’m afraid? No. I don’t get scared... I won’t let myself fall again. I search his eyes as they search my face, am I so cruel as to let him hurt and not even try to see if it comes back. I close my eyes and open them again once again losing myself in the emotions flooding around him of need and want and my doubt floods away. I will try this.

A smile ripples onto his face at the acceptance that must have reached my eyes as my emotions always seem to. The happiness radiates off him confirming my decision. I will be brave. Nothing will slip away from me again, I won’t let it, and I can’t let it. Maybe it’s a mistake but what else can I do? He releases my chin as if finally remembering he was holding it. He doesn’t try to kiss me and that once again confirms my decision, most would have tried.

Besides this will stop me from focusing on my lost past. It will shelter me from breaking when I’m not alone. This is all so strange. He gets up from kneeling by the bed and smiles down at me. “Feel free to walk around and figure out everything for yourself. Some of the guys are in their rooms and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you wanted to ask more questions. I have to go to a council meeting but I’ll see you later.” He tells me before walking out of the room and leaving me to a strange emptiness.

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Sorry for the two weeks that I've left uploading this. I was sick and crap and this took a lot of work to figure out how I wanted it to be.

I am hoping to continue writing more tonight and therefore the next upload will be a lot sooner as I owe it to you.

thank you for your support and patience please tell me what you think

xx