I Don't Wanna Love You

15 | 1:02am

A/N: Sorry for the hella long wait. A little something called life and school got in the way! Also in trying out a new style of writing

***** TOBINS POV *****

Christen hummed to herself happily as she brushed her teeth. Kelley was laying on her bed, waiting for Christen to get in next to her. Kelley insisted Christen shared the queen bed with her, and she agreed, pleasing the freckled girl into finally having some one on one time with Christen. I can't believe they met way back in the day in Stanford. Has Kelley always been as goofy as she is now?

"You done yet? Ugh I'm gonna pass out and you better not wake me up by getting into bed! So come on while you have the chance." Kelley whined, spreading herself out on the bed.

"I could've just rented another hotel room you know?" She smiled and wiped her wet mouth on her sleeve.

I was just trying to clean up my side of the room, embarrassed a bit by the dark-haired girl's comment earlier in the day. The Stars were out now, and we could see them if we went out to the balcony.

"No way! You're stuck with me." Kelley smirked and scooted over until Christen finally got into bed. She looked over at me and rolled her eyes. I smiled, glad that I didn't have to share the bed with Kelley myself.

After I finished cleaning up a little, I changed into some shorts and sweater before getting into bed. Kelley was knocked unconscious, and Christen had her back facing towards me, I couldn't tell if she was asleep. So I turned off the lights anyways.

Laying down, I let out a content sigh. I was finally going to be able to turn my brain off for a couple hours and dream. Dream of something good, something better. Like holding that second gold medal.

I should be happy. Shouldn't I? I have a girlfriend, wonderful friend and teammates, supportive friends and family. Something feels missing through it all though.

Do you ever get that feeling? The one where you feel something is off, and everything in your life is just black and white? Your chest feels empty, and there's nothing or no one that could do anything to change that. It feels like your heart drops and it hasn't bounced back yet. Everything feels unsatisfying.

I just hope this feeling leaves when I have that gold medal wrapped around my neck.

-------------------------

My eyes popped open. It was dark and something was moving me.

"Hm?" I turned around to find Christen slowly sliding into my bed.

"Chris?" I looked up, closer. It was definitely her. I could see by the lights of the city shining through the balcony window.

Her eyes opened wide, her head turned downwards when we made eye contact.

"Shit." She stopped sliding into my bed and put the blankets down.
"Sorry sorry. It's just Kelley keeps kicking the shit out of me, and the hotel is closed now so I can't order another room. Do me a solid and let me crash here?" She looked up again with hopeful eyes.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, teasingly, and scooted over.

"Alright I guess. Just this once." I sighed and turned my back to her. I felt the bed shift as she slid in beside me. I didn't know how much distance was between us, but I wasn't about to turn around to find out.

I sighed and tried to go back to sleep. I found no luck, as christen kept tossing and turning.

"Chris." I muttered, not bothering to turn around or even open my eyes.