Forever Boy

~3~

                       ♢6 years ago♢
I sat in my room listening to my parents yelling back and forth. It made me feel so alone. This was how most of my nights were as 12 year old boy is supposed to go through.

"WELL THEN GET THE FUCK OUT IF YOU FEEL SOME TYPE OF
WAY!" I heard my mom scream from their roomg followed by a door slam and foot step retreatingto the living room. I crept to theat door peeking to see my mother wiping her face. I closed the door back and proceeded to get ready for bed. As time passed i looked at my Spongebob alarm clock that sat on the nightstand beside my bed drifting off to slee

It's sad I remember those nights. I remember everything. Mom worked night shifts at the hospital sometimes pulling doubles to make ends meet my dad was a Lawyer and also an alcoholic. Not an aggressive drunk
he was kinda mellow when he drank to be honestthose were the only time I ever wanted anything to do with him.

There was a knock on my door.

"Baby boy?" She whispered climbingin to the bed with me she was dressed in her nursing uniform. So I knew what that meant. "I got called in you daddy drunk and he's out for the night I'll be home to wake you up for school darlin love you Taylor."

Her kisses made me feel safe so I tried to sleep i just couldn't after she left I just laid there awake. I got up and walked down by my dad. It was an uneasy feeling that I could not shake. As he laid there I heard his snores from the top of the stair. I walked down the creaking stair well in the living room where my father was sleeping.

"Dad?" I tapped his shoulder. "Dad wake up."

"What?" He sat up "What's wrong bud?"

I couldn't sleep so I sat on the couch beside him. Dad smelled of dark liquor and depression.

"I can't sleep and mom left for work can I sleep down here with you?" I asked.

"Of course son go get your blanket and pillows and we can camp out down here like we used too." He smiled.

I know it sad for a 12 year oldto ask to sleep with his dad because he was scared. Like seriously I should've out grown that right. As I made my way up stairs. Rain began to lightly patter on the windows in my room I turned on my bedroom light and grabbed my comforter off my bed and walked back downstairs. I saw my dad sitting on the couch shirtless. I laid my blanket on the floor and laid there and turned on the TV. He got down on the floor beside me and cuddled up next to me he started kissing my neck.
Rubbing my back.

"You know I love you right?" He took off his pants. " this can be our lil secret."

"Dad no." I tried to push him off of me and he just pinned me down.

"Stop!" He flipped me onto my back. He placed his hands around my neck. "Now do as I say and don't tell your momma or imma make sure to kill you."

I whimpered

He slid my clothes off. I just laid there feeling helpless as he played with my body parts.

"See its not that bad is it?" He said

I felt his fingers slide inside of me then I tried move around but he pinned down harder. I felt the warmth of my tears down the sides of my face. How can he do this to me his own son. I felt a spike of pain through out my body as he put himself inside of me. I cried softly as he penetrated me. He dug he nails into my forearms. The smell liquor filled my nostrils and his breath was hot.

"You tighter than yo momma boy." He said he held me down  " I'm bout to nut."

I felt so dirty I attempted to crawl away but I was too weak to move away. I stood up slowly. My stomach felt as if it was trying to kill it's self. I stumbled. I tried to walk again then I stumbled again. I could feel him watch me as I wept and crawled away.

This happened repeatedly when mom was working doubles. For months he took advantage of me. I tried to lock my door but that didn't help. Then came the sleepless night and endless fear of the man I was supposed to find my comfort in betrayed me and took away my innocence.

                     ♢ 09/26/10♢

After school Dezzy and I walked home. We took the short way cutting the the park instead of walking our usual way to our houses. She and I giggled and played around the play area for the kids and what not swearing up and down like the heathens we were back then before we matured.

"You wanna stop by my house I'll bake us some cookies before my mom gets home?" I asked her and she flipped her poetic justice braids. "I kinda don't wanna be home alone."

"What kind?" She asked.

"Half Sugar cookies and the other half will be chocolate chip."

We walked onto the front porch. Myou mouth began to water at the thought of baking the cookies I've been craving since we've gotten outta school. As we entered the house it smelled foul.

"Holy shit TAY!" Dezzy screamed looking into the kitchen at the splattered blood on the wall.

I ran into the kitchen and screamed at the site of my father blown out skull scattered throughout the kitchen.

                         *******
                  ♤Present days♤

I sat down with Darius on the sofa in this awkward silence watching Snow White. I could tell.it was boring him but he stayed tuned into the movie.

I paused it.

"Why'd you stop the movie?"

"Because I could tell that it was boring you." I said to him aso he turned red. "Why?"

"Why what?" He turned and looked at me.

"Why me?"

"I don't know if a just felt this strong connection to you. When you walked into me and I felt you touch me I couldn't help but feel some type of way. I mean when you spoke it was like the gates of heaven opened up for me. I mean it felt like nothing in the works could stop me from doing anything I wanted to do." HErik began to turn brighter. "Don't judge me. Honestly nobody made me feel this way but you."

I was somewhat turned on by the fact used full sentences and correct pronunciation then anything.

"How many bitches did you use that line on?" He just looked at me. "Kidding bud kidding."

He grabbed my hand and I pulled away.

"It's late we should get some sleep." I stood up and walked up the staircase. "If you want to stay up the movies are right in front of you."

"Good night." He spoke in the stairs I turned to see him walking behind me. "There's no point for me to be up if you're not awake."