The Girl That Never Speaks

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Chapter One:

Its terrifying how you can be with someone today, happy and making plans for the future, and suddenly tomorrow they're gone forever. It's terrifying how death just comes and swoops away your loved ones leaving you with an aching hole in your heart and pity glances from people around you. Its terrifying to think the last thing I heard was the news on the radio.

Words can't even come close to describing how I feel right now. Besides losing my parents that fatal day, I also lost something we all take for granted. The ability to hear.

My little sister Louise had come out mostly unscathed from the accident, besides a broken arm and a broken heart. I hadn't spoken to her in person since the accident, sometimes over the phone, but that occasion was rare.

Everyone has that life changing moment. It shapes you as a person, makes you who you are going to become, it defines you. Often times you can see it coming, other times it takes you completely by surprise. It can all happen in a split second- like it happened to me.

The taxi driver had been driving 20 miles per hour over the speed limit and so had the pickup truck driver we crashed into. Add the wet pavement and a tight turn and that was all to send my world spiraling down the drain in a split of a second. Not that any of it matters now. I woke up two weeks ago in a hospital bed with scratchy bed sheets and no hearing.

Despite my boredom, thats one reason I don't turn on the television in the small room. Nana sits across from me in a visitors chair, her eyes sad and full of pity. She opens her mouth, her jaw and tongue making up words I can't hear despite my hard attempt at reading her lips. She catches her mistake mid sentence, eyes wide and frozen with guilt, as she closes her mouth into a grimace and looks down apologetically.

I make nothing of it and look away as if it had not happened at all. It isn't the first time it has happened. I wanna tell her its okay and I'll get used to it, but I don't wanna lie to her. Even if it does make her feel better for a little while, before she slips up again. I am not okay with my new disability and nor will I ever be.

Nana gets up and grabs the only form of communication I have; a small rectangle whiteboard with a black trim. That small whiteboard had held a lot of dark moments for me. From phrases like, 'Theo, you were in a car accident' or 'You suffered a head injury causing sensorineural hearing loss. Its permanent,' or the worst one 'Your parents didn't make it. I'm sorry Theo.'

The last one had hit me in the gut. My head had felt dizzy and I couldn't believe it. She rests it on her lap now as she scribbles something in green, my favorite color. Once she's done, she holds it up for me to read.

"Do you want something to eat? I know your tired of hospital food, I can have your grandpa bring you something from home."

I hate her pity but I grab the extra whiteboard and wipe away yesterdays message. I reach for the black marker and scribble down my answer.

"Yes, some leftovers is fine. Is Louise visiting today?"

Nana nods and stands up to make the phone call outside, which bothers me. Its not like I would be able to listen in anyway. As the morning slowly slips by, I drifted in and out of sleep, never being able to rest for several hours. Louise and my grandpa get here as I'm waking up again, the whiff of nana's homemade food already has my mouth watering but my eyes go to Louise instead.

She has her head down, her hair is pulled up in a messy bun instead of usual falling down in waves past her shoulders and she's in sweats. Louise would never walk out of the house in sweats. She immediately crashes into my chest and begins to sob. This isn't the first time I'm seeing her since the accident and we keep in contact everyday by texting each other but it always feels like she walking on eggshells around me.

Today that dam broke.

I pat her back comfortingly and wait until she calms down. When she's done she pulls back and sits on the bed next to me with a book on her lap, which she tries to hide from me stealthily. Louise isn't much of a reader as I am, but I don't question her right away. We use the whiteboards to communicate between us since that has become my staple form of communication now. I can't hear Louise speak, my nana and grandpa, and worse I can't hear myself. I know when I'm saying something, but I can't tell the pitch, tone or if I'm even pronouncing it right. It feels weird.

It doesn't help that I can't read lips either. Before the accident, it was something of a game my friends and I would play. We'd put headphones on and blast music while another one of them spoke to him and we had to figure out what the other was saying. We always took it as a joke but now it wasn't so funny. This is my life now, permanently.

"I brought you something." Louise scribbles with a pink marker. Her gaze stays low as she waits for me to read her scribbly handwriting. I pick up my whiteboard and grab the black marker. "What is it, Louise?"

I don't mean to come out as intended but she visibly gulps. She blinks a couple of times, think about it before I see her head turn to Nana. She must of told her something because Louise odds her head and pulls out the book from her lap and gently places it on mine. I glance down at the book, read the title, and look back up to what I hope is a confused and annoyed face.

Louise erases the whiteboard with her sleeve and quickly scribbles down an answer."I already started learning a couple of words, I can help you."

My face grows hot as my anger rises at the title of the book. ASL book for beginners. "I don't need that. I'm going to get better."

"Well it would be easier than the whiteboard. . " Louise tries to convince. Nana nods in the corner. Her jaw moves again by mistake before she grabs the board from Louise.

"Just give it a chance, Theo."

I huff. I know I'm acting like a stubborn child but that doesn't stop Louise from throwing me a curve ball. I read her writing and I know the truth behind it. "Since when are you against learning something with me.".

Every opportunity I had to learn something new, I made Louise jump on the wagon with me. Languages, instruments, knowledge in general, its what we did together. Its his we bonded and were able to tolerate each other. I knew immediately that she had gotten me with that just one sentence. I sigh and wrote lazily, "Fine,"

She grins at her accomplishment and starts immediately. With the whiteboard on one side of her and the book on her other, my little sister starts to teach me something I never thought we'd have to learn. At first my hand motions are slow and uncoordinated, unlike hers, and it frustrates me to no end. She says I'll get it with practice, the same thing I'd tell her when I tutored her in math, but after a couple of minutes I just I wanna throw the stupid book across the room.

Nana and grandpa whisper in the back. I want to scoff. As if I could hear what they were talking about. Still, for precaution, nana puts a hand in front of her face so I don't even try to read her lips. It must be something serious.

Louise snaps her fingers in front of my face to get my attention. I turn to see her annoyed shaking head. I sign her the word sorry and that brings a small smile to her face. Louise flips through the book and signs something before sliding the book towards me. According to the book she signed, I squint my eyes, pay attention.

I roll my eyes. This time I flip through the book and find what I'm trying to say. "I'm trying."

We pass the book in between us trying to keep up a conversation before she hears the grumble of my stomach. I can only feel it. I see Louise's shoulders shake with a small chuckle as she closes the book. She signs a word we learned at the beginning of the book. "Hungry?"

I nod annoyed that her fingers move more gracefully than my unpracticed, unfamiliar ones.