[✔] Lockout of Sanity (boyxboy)

4. CARLY JAMES MICHAELSON (CJ) ~uncontrollable desires~

Maybe it's his smile... or her laughter... that lingers in my sick mind that I can't just shake off this urge I have inside of me. The urge to hurt... But yeah... maybe I just don't belong here. I belong in a mental institution, obviously... I'm crazy... But it's not so bad... I just kill people. Other people can do worst thing to you than just slit your throat. So, I'm not so bad right? I'm pretty normal... Besides, mental institution is not built for a psychopath like me who consciously hurt and kill other people. It is for those who are unaware for their deeds. Honestly, that was kind of hypocritical of them to separate between us. We are, after all, sick in the mind. Conscious or not. We're the same.

Have you ever cut someone in half? I never did. But I wanted to try it. Well I did cut a dog in half once. But it's just because I'm curious. Don't judge me. I love animals, seriously. That was the first and the last time I did anything bad to an animal. I was just curious... can't blame me... and the dog was so fucking damn cute I couldn't help myself...

What I love the most about the experience is that I get to feel the warm blood on my hands. If you cut a dead thing in half, the blood would be cold. So it was really exciting to feel warm blood on your hands. And the fight... God I'm smiling now... the fight the dog gave me when I was cutting him. That was the most exciting part to it. The squeak sounds he made. So fucking cute!

I buried the dog properly after that and I cried... because I felt sorry for it. It was so cute. And I remember feeling guilty about it that I've sworn I will never hurt an animal ever again. And I kept my words. See? I'm not a bad person. That was a long time ago. Now, even guilt no longer exists in me.

But look at this cute thing now... I swear I've never seen a boy so cute. Big bright blue glassy eyes and dark hair that falls perfectly... So out of this world. He was like a super cute 'Final Fantasy' character that walked out from the screen and got into real life. So magical... I want to cut him in half instead. I won't slit his throats. I'm going to cut him in half, it's decided. I want to hear his sultry voice squeaks when I cut him. I want him to fight against my strength. I want to see him cry in fear and I want him to beg me to stop. I want to feel his warm blood on my hands. I want him to be mine. Yes, mine... All mine. When he's dead, he'll be all mine...

He looks at me all the way from his dining table, on the opposite side of my own, all the way across the dining hall. He smiles at me. Cute! Like a doll. I can imagine him squealing underneath me, all bloodied... My God... the images excite the fuck out of me... I even got hard... That smile... what a wicked and playful one... he then drags his index finger all the way from his left side of the neck, slowly to his right side... mocking a throat- slitting action with that very smile. Aww... he's mocking me...?

I wink at him and saw him blush as he looks away. He is hanging around with a bunch of old folks. Isn't that Oleg, the famous Mafia boss everyone has their respect for in here? What's his connection to him anyway? He is becoming that old man's bitch? Hmm... Maybe it's Oleg that I should cut in half. Who knows...

I've never been this excited, I swear! Though the memories of Carly's laughter and KD's smile lingers... I no longer feel sad... I'm no longer moved by the memories. My head is now filled with the thoughts of hurting Yuri... I want to see him bleed... I want to feel him... I just want him... in any means I can get. I'm not a bad person, right? I'm quite normal... I'm just curious.