Soul Music

Undisclosed Desires

Spencer sat at the bar nursing his third whiskey, the amber liquid mixing with the almost melted ice.

He didn't particularly want to be here but then again he didn't particularly want to be anywhere right now. He'd come here on a whim, having entered his apartment three hours ago and suddenly feeling so sick and tired of seeing the same walls. Sick and tired of being alone with his own thoughts.

He knew he could have gone to JJ's or Derek's , or even Penelope's but he couldn't cope with their sympathetic glances, them trying to touch him, hug him, anything to bring him out of himself. Rossi had been the only one he'd actually spoke to about his feelings, and even that was a while ago.

Sure he was coping okay when he was at the BAU. He knew how to put on a brave face, and he wasn't letting his mental state affect his work. But he made excuses every time the team invited him out. The first few months they'd understood but now it seemed that they were almost annoyed with him for not wanting their company. JJ had knocked on his apartment door only a few weeks ago, calling his phone when he didn't answer. He knew she knew he was home. And he felt terrible about hurting her feelings but he just didn't want to talk to anyone about it. No one understood how he was feeling. The only person he thought would understand was gone.

Tonight, it finally got too much for him. So he went out in hope of a distraction. No, not that kind of distraction. That was the last thing on his mind. Hell, when he couldn't even stand to let his closest friends show any physical affection towards him, there was no way he was ready for that.

He just wanted something to take his mind off it. Something to distract him from the images that crept into his head. The scenarios of the time they should have had together. What should have and could have been. And now, never would.

So he'd wandered the streets until he'd seen a sign for a small dive bar, The Notes Of The Wind. A chalkboard on the pavement outside advertising live music. He'd walked down the short alley to get to the door, the doorman eyeing him up carefully before moving aside to let him in. He'd paid the small cover fee and entered the bar area. A small stage with a DJ booth to one side. Two walls were covered in various different band posters, layered over each other. Another wall covered in polaroids, presumely of the patrons as he had spied two cameras and boxes of film behind the bar.

There was a tiny dance floor, tables and chairs surrounding it, a few booths along a wall the leather seats looking old and worn. Most of the tables and booths were taken, so he'd taken a seat at the bar ordering a beer when the bar tender had come to him. She was pretty, a young girl who looked barely old enough to drink alcohol herself let alone serve it. She'd tried to make conversation with him asking if he was waiting for friends but he'd just shaken his head, asking for a whiskey when he realised the beer wasn't going to touch the sides.

The live musical act had already started, a couple by the looks of it. The guy was playing guitar and providing back up vocals, but the female was the main attraction. Her voice was hauntingly beautiful, pure and clear. And their song choice was interesting. Covers, but mostly of indie or rock music, all songs by bands fronted by a male singer, but now being sung by a female.

He watched feeling himself relaxing slightly and ordering another whiskey, the bar tender whose name badge had read "Ally" having to tap his arm to get his attention when she'd placed his drink down in front of him. He'd jumped at the contact having rarely allowed himself to be touched in the past eight months. She giggled at him, "She's good isn't she?"

Reid nodded agreeing, "Very good." He downed his drink in one before asking for another. Ally took his money before bringing him another, this one a double. She just shrugged when he raised his eyes at the amount in the glass.