Fine Apple | ✓

g u a v a

❝Writers begin with a grain of sand and then create a beach.❞ —Robert Black

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"Hello! This is the Fine Apple Market and you just lost the game!"

"Aw DARNIT, I hate you!"

"Whoa, whoa--chill, I didn't mean for you to take it that way."

"It's fine. I hate you anyway."

"... Okay?"

"I... I'm sorry. It's not really that bad... I just... UGGGHHHHH... I just hate everything right now!"

"You, uh, good?"

"Do I sound like it?"

"Not especially."

"I... I just... UGGGGHHHHH!"

"You sound considerably low in mango content. I prescribe--"

"No, thanks."

"You sure you don't want some special, customer-favorite mango nectar shipped directly to your door?"

"That isn't going to help me!"

"Fine. What's wrong?"

"I have a stupid calculus exam tomorrow and I've been reviewing for hours but it still doesn't make any sense and I seriously just want to wrap myself up in a sleeping bag and lie underneath an exhaust pipe until I'm so intoxicated I've forgotten all about it."

"That sounds like a terrible way to die."

"I'm in so much pain right now; how much worse can it be?"

"I mean, if you're going to die, you should at least do it properly. Like, if someone planned to murder me, I hope they would, you know, slip some pills into a smoothie that would kill me slowly so I could lie underneath a palm tree and just gradually descend into numbness."

"That's so morbid."

"You're the one who wants to die from carbon monoxide poisoning."

"Wow, I'm impressed you know what that is, Mr. I-Didn't-Graduate."

"Hey, don't underestimate my knowledge of chemistry. I'm currently resting on a field of silicon dioxide and watching tender waves of dihydrogen monoxide crashing in the distance."

"... You lost me."

"See, this is why one must always focus on the important things in life."

"Like my exam?"

"Yup. You can do this."

"Wow, uh... thanks."

"I mean, of course, the pre-exam, stress-removing tropical fruit starter pack would also be helpful."

"I don't have enough money..."

"No problem! I've got it covered."

"You... do?"

"Leave it to me."

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