Evil Weenie!

Chapter 2

"Jim, I'm home", shouts Mac. "Are you here?"

"I have to talk to you about my day, before I lose my mind and you know how messy that can get."

"Mac? Is that you?", replied Jim.

"Why are you screaming? It's four in the morning. Let me sleep."

Leave it to drunk Jim to, well, be drunk again. "Jim, it's freaking seven o'clock at night. Now, wake up. I need a pep talk, so I can be in the zone before my gig. I have a full room tonight and I need to bring on the knee slappers. "

"Alright, alright," says Jim.

He gets up and looks at Mac grabbing him by the shoulders. "Mac, you are hysterical. You can do this. Blah blah blah. Oh, and you make semi-decent hot dogs. There, I have officially enchanted you with the physiological, wizardly mumbo jumbo. You are now free from all stress. Now, did you get my drink?"

Mac exhales deeply. "Well I still feel like crap. But less crappy than I did this afternoon. Who would have thought your fake psychological powers would be this effective. Yes, I got your drink. I'm going to my room to change real quick then I'm heading out."

Mac runs out of his room and heads to the door. Suddenly Jim stops Mac with his voice, "Mac, is it going to be another one of those nights?"

"Not sure yet. I hope not. Let's hope they like me," Mac replies.

"It better not be because I'm getting tired of playing clean up", Jim whispers under his breath as Mac closes the door behind him.

***

"Alright Mac here you go again, talking to yourself backstage. As if there is any space left in your head considering all the crap that goes on in there. Giving yourself a pep talk right before that spotlight hits your face. One more shot at your dreams don't "Mac" it up. You got this!"

Mac takes a deep breath, walks onto the stage and immediately addresses his crowd very nervously. "Hey everyone, I'm Mac and I have some things I want to run by you."

Why is this light so freaking bright? I feel like I'm in a staring contest with Superman. It feels like it's burning my face. And my heart, it just sank all the way down to my stomach. Oh crap! I'm so nervous I forgot all my new stuff. C'mon Mac! You've done this before, not sucessfully but you've done it. They're waiting for you to make them laugh. They're already halfway drunk, I'm no mathematician but that makes this only half as hard.

Mac ignores his nerves and speaks to the crowd, "so what about those natural disasters, right folks? Shouldn't someone clean them up?" He panics as silence once again fills the room. An ever so familiar feeling.

From the back a voice yells, "yeah we're watching a disaster right now". The crowd laughs at Mac and suddenly everything goes pitch black.

"Mac wake up, Mac, you did it again!", yells Jim in panic.

"Huh? Jim, is that you? What happened with my gig? Is it over?", asks Mac.

"You happened Mac", replied Jim with great distress. "You did what you always do in those situations. Look at the news flash on the TV."

"Today on the 7 o'clock news, a man was murdered with a construction truck containing more than 10,000lbs of rocks. It seems the man was tied up to a pole while the murderer unloaded all the rocks onto the victim. In an attempt to find humor in this, the murderer, spray painted the words "nature can be a killer" onto the rocks. Not much is known at this moment but the police are almost certain it was the same murderer responsible for the last few murders in the last 10 months. As usual, the killer left his signature pun on the murder scene and took human limbs as his souvenir. The victim was last seen at a bar where witnesses say, he was intoxicated and screaming at the staff."

"That was you Mac, you did that to that poor bastard."

"What are you talking about Jim?" Asks Mac. "Oh great, not again. You would think comedy would be the least stressful of all careers.

"Mac, you're one crazy psycho", says Jim. "You have to get the help I told you to get a year ago. I know I'm no one to give advice. I've made my share of mistakes. I lost my wife, my career and my hair but this killing spree is going to get us locked up. Holy crap, I need a drink. Let's get you cleaned up Mac. We can talk about it over breakfast. Did you happen to pick up my morning drink after your murder?"

Mac replies, "you drunk inconsiderate jerk. Clearly I'm the one that needs the drink. Now shut up and help me get up. I'm going to need some of your psychological nonsense to get over this one."

Jim replies saying, "I'm pretty sure there is a dead guy under a ton of rocks who would claim you're the inconsiderate jerk. What did it this time Mac? Who hurt your feelings now?"

"Very funny Jim, you know I have no control over what my...HE does. I just remember saying a joke and blacking out. Oh wait, I also remember some guy making fun of my opening bit. Oh no, crap now I remember. Well I figured out why he died by a construction truck."

"Good job Nancy Drew but he didn't just die", replied Jim. "You killed him, well rather HE did. I know you have no control over that Mac but damn, there has to be something you can do about HIM."

"There is", replied Mac. "We feel guilty, kind of sort of then spend all the money HE makes us. No reason why we should be punished for something HE does. Best thing to do is accept HE is here to stay and just go with the flow. Might as well enjoy the spoils of his crimes. Speaking of which, you have to admit, irony is his strong suit."

Jim reaches for a drink from the fridge and says, "Mac let's recap shall we? You are a crazy schizophrenic with a multiple personality disorder whose alter ego is Cam. He takes control every time you are in danger or feel any kind of fear. Like you're some kind of psycho Mr. Clyde. You once again, blacked out, so he jumped in and took care of that guy for you. Knowing you're genius grasp on comedy, your opening act was about natural disasters, right? Of Course, it was. That explains the construction truck. I take it, we have a fresh batch of hot dogs in the food truck?"

Mac replies, "we should Jim. You know what Cam's routine is better than I do. He is always very careful not to get caught. He kills them and always takes a few limbs and makes it our "special dog of the week". He commits a couple of thefts on the way and makes sure we have some money left for ourselves. It's only fair we share with him. After all, he not only gives us a few bucks but he believes in our hot dog business."

"He should, you idiot!", Jim screams. "He's the one who bought that truck and started that business in the first place. We woke up one day and it was outside our house with a note pinned to it saying, "hey, douchebags, you're welcome for the truck. Keep the business afloat and I will keep supplying the meat. No homo. - Love always, Cam"

"Look Mac, we're both crazy. That's something we need to come to terms with. We hit rock bottom and stopped caring for people a long time ago. I'm an ex-psychologist who can identify all your medical issues but i don't have any sympathy left for people. And you, well you're you. All we have is each other simply because we share this secret. I'm just saying, Cam needs to show up a little less. I don't want to get locked up."