Forbidden love

Chapter 10: I don't care as long as we're together

Aria POV:
We walk out of the therapist's office back towards The Brew. It was my third session and I've finally gotten used to all the questions that seem patronising but actually aren't and the extra amount of sympathy from Dr.Sullivan, which I really don't need or want. All I want is to be held by Ezra for hours, my head laid on his chest as I hear the drumming sound of his heartbeat. I want to get away from this town with him and start a new life somewhere else, somewhere where we can't be found. Isolated. Happy.

I throw the keys into the dish on the table by the door and make me and Ezra a mug each of strong black coffee. I cup it in my hands and let the hot ceramic warm my skin. We sit on the sofa in silence and he flicks through the channels on TV, trying to find something that we both wanted to watch. He stopped on The Ellen Show and proceeded to sip his coffee. But before I knew it, he had put it down and was resting the side of his head on his hands, looking at me. Trying to understand what was happening in my mind.
"Aria are you going to talk to me?"
"I think we need to leave Rosewood. Start again somewhere far from here."
"Please don't tell me it's the hideous canvas my mother bought..."
I laughed.
"No it's not the canvas, Ezra." I say still smiling.
"I know, I've been thinking it might be a good idea too."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, you're going to be applying for colleges soon. We could move anywhere you want to go."
"I was looking at a college in California but, saying that...no it's okay. I can manage here." I force a smile.
"Aria, you know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."
"I know."
"Just have a think about it." He stands up and kisses my forehead. "I think California sounds pretty good by the way." He whispers, smiling at me.
I return his smile as he makes his way down the stairs to The Brew's café packed with people. He was going to be at work for a few hours so I decided to go into town.

Ezra POV:
I kiss her forehead goodbye, breathing in her sweet scent made my heart race. When I get downstairs I notice a long line of people all waiting to be served by Sabrina.
"Caleb?" I call in surprise.
"Hey, man this is a long queue. I don't know why Hanna can't just settle for coffee from home for the time being." He laughs awkwardly.
"Yeah, Sabrina is still figuring out the till." I look towards her as she waves and smiles at me reassuringly, all flustered and embarrassed.
"How's Aria holding up? We were thinking of asking you both round to our place but we didn't know if she'd feel up to it or not. I mean, you know, after the last time we saw her, well, she wasn't really herself. But, you know, that gave no excuse for what Hanna said, sorry."
"It's fine I'm sure they'll figure it out. But yeah she's, um, she's staying strong. I just wish she'd talk to me."
"She'll talk when she's ready to, I promise you she will."
"I know, but if anything else happens to her I don't think I could ever forgive myself. I'm not sure she can handle anything else without breaking and that would destroy me." I fight back the urge to cry.
"Look, Aria feels safe with you." He says.
"She told you that?"
"Yes, at the party when you and Emily were sorting the cake out," we laugh, because that cake was disastrous, "we all asked her how she was doing and she said she was fine, she felt safe because she had you."
Just then Sabrina calls from over near the counter, "Ezra? How do I print the receipts out again?"
"Oh gosh, she's going to need some serious training." I rub my forehead with my hand. "Caleb I need you to help me with something."
"Sure, what is it?"
"I want to throw a little get together for Aria and I want you all to be there."
"Okay, how come?" He looks confused.
I look down to avoid his reaction, "I want to propose to her."

Aria POV:
I walk through town, paranoia flowing through me at every turn. I feel as though I'm being watched by A but I know it's just a suspicion, I convince myself it's not happening and I'm okay...just like Ezra would if he was with me.
I push through the double doors to my favourite shop and go straight to the clothing section. Searching through the sale rail, I hear my name and turn to see Spencer standing at the end of the rail.
"Spence!" I smile and rush to her for a hug.
"Hey you. Where's Ezra?" She asks, concerned.
"He's at the brew, it's Sabrina's training today so he needs to be there."
"Does he know you're here?"
"No, but he's working so it's okay. Spencer, I'm fine I don't need an escort everywhere I go." I laugh nervously but I probably sound frustrated.
"Sorry." She mumbles.
"Don't be." I say quietly. "Do you want to come and get coffee with me?" I ask hopefully.
"I'd love to."
We head to the café upstairs and order two iced lattes. We take them on a tray to one of the window seats and sit there silently for a few seconds.
"How's Toby?" I ask as a conversation maker.
"He's good, he's just got his qualifications for the police force."
"Wow! Tell him congrats from me and Ezra. That's amazing."
"Yeah, who'd have thought Toby, of all people, would want to stick around here to be a police officer?" She laughs as she looks outside the window at the drab buildings lining the town square.
"Who'd have thought any of us would want to stick around here?"
"Have you looked at any colleges yet?" She asks.
"Yeah, I looked at one in California." I say. "Have you?"
"California? Wow, you can't get any further away from here than that." She laughs. "Not yet, I wanted to talk to Toby first and my mom."
"Well wherever you choose they're really lucky to have you there." I smile.
She returns it then carries on talking, "How's Ezra about California?"
"He said he liked the idea but we haven't had chance to look into it yet so..."
"I think change would be good for the both of you." She suggests. "And, um, are you okay after the birthday party?"
It takes me a moment to register what she said. "Yeah I'm fine, really."
"You know we all love you and just want what's best for you Ar?"
"I know, and I feel really guilty about it all Spence, I do, but I was just tired of not being able to go anywhere without being worried about..." I trail off and heave out a breath. "I really did enjoy it."
"We don't blame you Aria, none of us blame you for any of this and Hanna was bang out of order for what she said."
"I know, I know. But I still feel guilty, I ruined the perfect night. Especially with what happened after you left between me and Ezra."
"Why what happened between you and Ezra?" She asks, clueless.
"He didn't tell you?"
"No...why would he?"
"I don't know." Which was true, why would he say anything to Spencer about what happened?
"Aria..?"
"It doesn't matter." I say shaking my head and smiling. "It was just a little spat that's all, nothing major." I lie.
"Okay..." She eyes me suspiciously and finishes the last of her coffee. She sets her bill down on the table and explains she has to go and help her mom with some stuff back at her place. We hug and I watch her hurry out of the café.
I think back to the birthday party. Plagued with guilt...how Ezra could even stand to look at me after what happened, I'll never know.
***
I sat in Ezra's apartment surrounded by my favourite people in this world. Ezra, Spencer, Toby, Emily, Hanna and Caleb. When I had just finished thanking everyone for the presents, I got up to go to the bathroom. My legs still hadn't fully healed and I found it difficult going up the stairs, but I could manage.
"Hang on let me help you Ar." Spencer said.
"No it's okay, I'll go." Ezra inputs as I start to protest.
"Ezra you need to sort that thing out, I'll go." Emily argues.
"No Emily, you need to help Ezra. It's okay I've got it." Hanna says.
"Guys! I don't think she needs an escort to go to the bathroom?" Toby says defensively.
"Thank you Toby." I say. "I'm more than capable of taking my jeans off and peeing by myself...I don't need any help you guys." I say wide eyed and annoyed. I walk off upstairs, straining my ears to the muttering going on, but hearing nothing other than the muffled whispers and Toby muttering "We know you love her Ezra but just give her a little space." I return to beams from everyone but Emily and Ezra who were in the kitchen and Hanna who was avoiding my eyes.
"How are you holding up Aria?" Spence asks.
"I'm good, seriously, I am. I feel safe knowing I've got Ezra, he makes me feel like... like I don't need to be so anxious all the time, you know?"
"He loves you to pieces you know that don't you?" Caleb says.
"I know. I love him too." I smile and look down at my hands to occupy myself so I don't start crying with happiness at how lucky I am.
Emily and Ezra walk out holding the cake and everyone breaks into a chorus of singing "happy birthday". I smile, not a fake smile, an actual appreciative and happy smile. I could see how relieved they all were to see me like this.
I see the cake, blow out the candles and we all laugh in amusement because Emily had tried to ice on our faces to the cake but it looked awful.
"I look like I've been smacked with a frying pan!" Caleb laughs.
"And why does Toby look like he has no ears?" Spencer says, making us all laugh again.
"Come on we should cut it! I'm starving!" Hanna points out and we all agree.
"I'll get the plates, hang on guys." I push myself up from the sofa and head to the kitchen where I'm joined by Ezra.
"I can do this." He says taking the plates out of my arms. I go to grab the cake knife and forks when he takes them as well.
"Ezra, let me take them, I'm capable" I state.
"I know but it's easier if I--"
"If you what?" I snap.
"Take them all through at once." He finishes, but I snatch them from his hands and they clatter to the floor in a loud ringing sound.
"You guys okay in there?" Toby and Emily call.
"Yeah, we're fine." Ezra replies looking at me.
I lift my hand to my mouth and apologise numerously to Ezra.
"Ezra I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"I just want to help you." He talks like he's wounded by my frustration and I have a knot of guilt forming in my stomach.
"I'm sorry..."
"Come on let's go have some cake." He says ignoring my repeated apologies.
We eat in silence with a few murmurs of how good it tastes every now and then. Even after what happened in the kitchen, Ezra still insists on me resting while he clears up and Hanna reluctantly follows after Caleb badgers her to do so.
I stay perched on the sofa and go through my presents again to take away some of the awkwardness looming over the apartment. I pick up the candles and candle holders that Spencer and Toby bought me and get up to place them on the fireplace.
"Do you think they look okay there Spencer?"
"Hm? Yeah, they look nice there."
"I think so too, where did you find them? They're so pretty." I ask.
"In that new shop that opened down town, we'll go next week if you want?"
"That would be good. You coming Emily?"
"Um, yeah. Yeah I think I might actually. My mom's complaining about how the living room looks really bare so I might find some things for her."
"I think she'd like that Em." Spencer says.
I reach for the matches from Ezra's shelf above his desk and proceed to light the candles, the first one has a strong, sweet aroma. As I strike the second match my hand slips and I burn my thumb.
"Agh! Ouch!" I wave my hand around to numb the pain but it doesn't work.
"Aria?" Ezra comes from the kitchen and rushes to me.
"It's just a burn, it's okay."
"Why didn't you let me do them? Or let one of the others do them?"
"It's not hard to light a candle, Ezra."
He raises his eyebrows.
"Okay, it's not usually hard." I reply, with a nervous laugh.
"Go rinse it under the tap I'll be through in a minute."
I comply to avoid another argument and stand with my hand under the ice cold water. He walks in and helps me sort the burn out.
"Ezra, do you think everyone would mind if I went to bed a little early? I'm really tired." I yawn.
"I'm sure they'll understand." He says, gently cupping my face and kissing my forehead.
I walk out to everyone and tell them I feel fine. "But I think might go to bed if that's okay? It's just I've not been sleeping too good and I'm really tired."
"You just slept before we came Aria?" Hanna states accusingly.
"Han? I'm tired, I slept for half an hour before you all came. That's it."
"Okay whatever."
"Sorry." I mumble. "This was all really lovely though, thank you so much, I really enjoyed all of this."
"We know you did Ari--" Emily starts before Hanna cuts her off.
"Did you? Really? Because you have a funny way of showing it." Hanna's voice is laced with anger.
"Hanna..?" Spencer and Emily hiss, I'm taken aback.
"I really did, Hanna." I say.
"All you've done is refuse any of our help and fight with Ezra while we're not looking, even though he's trying so hard."
I look towards Ezra; tears threaten to spill from my eyes as I meet his gaze.
"Please can you all go, now?" I mumble, barely audible. "Party's over."
"Gladly." Hanna grabs Caleb's hand and drags him out the door. He smiles apologetically.
Spencer, Emily and Toby follow and I thank them numerously before they shut the door. I head towards the staircase before Ezra reassures me that "Hanna wasn't thinking straight it's okay. She'll be fine tomorrow."
"Yeah but there's some truth to it Ezra. I snapped at you even though I was only mad at myself."
"Like I said it's okay you're still getting over the stuff that's happened."
"I wish people would stop making this about the baby!" I raise my voice.
"Well what is it about then?" He retaliates
"Everything." I explain.
"Everything?"
"Well not everything, but most things..."
"Like?"
"Ezra, give it a rest, please?" I cry.
"Aria I'm trying to look after you! I'm not being the bad person."
"I know but I don't need to be babied." I stress.
"Aria, your happiness means the most to me."
"Okay then, it is mainly about the baby and when you lose someone you're supposed to put before anyone or anything else, it's hard. Is that enough explanation for you?"
"I know, but I lost the baby too, Aria." He reminds me.
"You don't understand."
"I understand enough, I was driving the car!" Tears glisten in his eyes.
"I know you was driving the car Ezra, that doesn't make me feel any better." I argue annoyed. "Look, I don't need you to help, I need space."
"What?" His voice falters as a solitary tear rolls down his cheek.
"Not--not from you. I--I didn't mean it like that." I stutter trying to cover up what just fell out of my mouth.
"Okay. If you want space, I'll give you space."
"Ezra..." I plead.
"I'll clean up." And with that he walks off into the kitchen. I sit down on the first stair and let my head fall into my hands. I hear stifled sobs coming from the kitchen and I can't bear to hear how I hurt him anymore, so I go upstairs and change into my pyjamas, before curling up into a ball under the duvet.
I lie awake for at least an hour before I hear his footsteps. Quickly wiping away tears, I feel sick and anxious. My breathing gets heavier and I start to panic. I do my breathing techniques Anne assisted me with but they don't work.
"Ezra..." I turn over and call towards the bathroom.
"Aria?" He comes running through and realises me panicking. "Hey, hey. You're okay, I'm here now. It's okay." He says stroking through my hair and cradling me in his arms.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean any of that." I choke.
"I don't ever want to hear you say you're sorry again." He whispers.
"Don't go. Please." I curl up to him and start to fall asleep to the sound of his voice.
"I'm not going anywhere, you're safe."
***
I'm brought back into reality by the waitress taking away my empty cup and tray. I say thank you, leave my bill at the table and head back to the apartment. He told me to think about colleges, about moving away and I've made up my mind. As soon as I get back I start looking at the college in California I had my eye on, to study English. I write down details and go downstairs to find Ezra.
He's in the kitchens talking to Sabrina about washing dishes. I laugh a little.
"How's it going?" I ask them both.
"Good!" Sabrina replies enthusiastically.
"It's getting there." Ezra corrects. "Sabrina could you go to the till for a few minutes."
"I thought you wanted me on the dishes?" Then she registers we want a few minutes of privacy. "Oh! Yes, yes I'll go."
I smile and thank her as she rushes away. "She's nice." I tell Ezra.
"Yeah, but she has no common sense." Ezra laughs. "What's that you've got there?"
"The details for that college in California. I went into town and spoke to Spencer and I realised we need to do this."
"You went to town?" He asks surprised. The worrying stage is drifting away, even if it is at the pace of a snail, he's finally giving me back some freedom. "Is this what you want?" He says referring to the colleges.
"I think so. Do you?" I ask hopefully.
"I don't care where we are as long as we're together."
He picks me up and kisses me. "I love you Aria."
"I love you too Ezra." I laugh.