A Love Like War

n i n e t e e n

SONG OF THE CHAPTER:
To Live and Let Go by All Time Low
↑↓↑↓↑↓

I decided it was time to get over Stella.

Time I completely got rid of her from my contacts and deleted her pictures.

So that's what I did. I went onto my phone, and I deleted the photos lingering in my photo albums. I erased her from my camera roll, and that was step one.

Then I deleted her contact. Her phone number, her email and the goofy picture she had in place of her contact photo.

Then I went to my messages and deleted her from them. Determined I didn't need her,I didn't need the reminder.

And then she was gone, and I wasn't sure what to do.

I debated calling Alex, asking what he was up to, but I remembered him mentioning something about a date with Lisa.

I sigh, and lean back into my bunk. Maybe I have other friends.

But I don't. Rian's off in LA for a week, visiting Cass.

Zach's off to wherever he goes.

Nano has plans, he told me about them the other day.

Maria's really the only one left.

I could call Maria, and I'm about to. My thumb hovers over the call button before I stop myself. I can't call her, as much as I want to.

So I text her instead.

To: Maria
hey
Delivered 4:57 PM

Minutes later I have a response.

From: Maria
heyy
Read 5:01 PM

To: Maria
What's up?
Delivered 5:02 PM

From: Maria
Nothing really. What about you?
Read 5:02 PM

To: Maria
So you're not busy?
Delivered 5:02 PM

From: Maria
I'm free, why?
Read 5:03 PM

To: Maria
I'm on my way
Delivered 5:04 PM

Ten minutes later I'm outside her apartment door, ready to face the truth.

Maybe I'm not one-hundred percent over Stella, but I sure as hell know that I like Maria. Maybe she's what I need to get past this final obstacle.

So I smile when she opens the door. "Hey, how are you?" I ask. She smiles before launching herself at me. Her arms wrapping around my neck in a tight hug. I grin into her hair as I hug her back. "I'll take that as you're doing pretty well?" My voice muffled by her hair.

"Jack, I have great news!" She exclaims.

"So do I!" She's so happy. I really hope she likes me too, because that would be awkward if she didn't.

"Okay, what is it?" She asks, leading me into her apartment and sitting down cross legged on the couch opposite of a small red recliner.

"You go first, yours sounds more important." I encourage, leaning forward.

She grins down at her mismatched socks. One's purple and the other is blue with white polka dots. "Mark and I got back together!"

My smile falters, but I play it off as disbelief. "When did that happen?" I mutter quietly.

"Last night." She smiles. "I was going to call you, but it was late and I didn't want to bother you."

I smile. How generous.

"So what's your good news?" She asks.

Shit. I forgot I said that.

"Me?" I laugh lightly. "I wrote a song, like by myself." That's something to be proud of.

She smiled. "That's great! Can I hear it?"

I blush, she might not appreciate it as much as I do, but I nod my head. "Um, do you have a guitar?" I ask.

She nods. She pads out of the room before returning moments later with a busted up acoustic. There's string ends hanging off the end of the knobs in an endearing sort of way.

I pull it onto my lap before looking up at her and taking a deep breath.

Here goes nothing.

Then my fingers are stretching over the frets in the familiar feeling riff. Then the words come, my voice is shaky, and hopelessly out of key at the beginning before I manage to level it out to match the strings. Catching the various tones layered to make a chord.

She smiles at me encouragingly when I finish.

Then smiles like Stella used to.

In that moment, I knew. I knew that I wasn't over Stella, and I wasn't over Maria.

I also knew that they shouldn't trust me. No one should trust me.

'Cause I shouldn't be trusted to live and let go.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
so how'd i get so far from my yesterday?
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