SONG OF THE CHAPTER:
I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance
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My phone is ringing in my ear, but I don't want to answer it.
Today is not a good day. I don't want to do anything. Well, that's not true. I want to die, and I assume that counts for something. It's not a positive thing, I know. It's a feel, a want, that I just can't shake.
I briefly close my eyes and turn away from the wall to face the small curtain pulled across my bunk to separate me from the rest of the band.
My phone goes off again. I groan and slip out of bed, leaving the device plugged into the wall without checking my notifications. I quickly turn on the television and recline into the couch, watching the morning news. Little things pop up on the screen. A child started a lemonade stand for cancer research, some lady just turned one hundred and eight in Ohio, one of the Kardashians posted a nude photo on instagram, nothing that really stands out, but my phone is still ringing in the background.
"Jack, answer your fucking phone!" Alex calls from his bunk with a growl.
I roll my eyes and move to collect the handheld device from my bed. One look at the screen and I freeze in my tracks.
Shit.
From: Maria
Jack, what the fuck?
Read 9:45 AM
From: Maria
Paparazzi was outside my fucking appartment this morning
Read 9:45 AM
From: Maria
"Not that big" my ass
Read 9:45 AM
From: Maria
Your band's fucking huge
Read 9:45 AM
From: Maria
Answer the phone goddammit
Read 9:45 AM
From: Maria
Jack, don't fucking ignore me
Read 9:45 AM
Well, she seems chipper this morning.
To: Maria
Sorry?
Delivered 9:48 AM
Twenty eight missed calls, I'm flattered by the attention. The vulgarity of the language on the other hand? Not so much.
From: Maria
Sorry? You're sorry? That's all you say? Holy shit, how dense are you? You can't fucking put a bandaid on this and expect it's all better!
Read 9:50 AM
To: Maria
It's gossip, the news will pass in a couple days
Delivered 9:51 AM
From: Maria
From the news, maybe. From my mind? No.
Read 9:52 AM
I'm typing up a response as another text comes through.
From: Maria
From Mark's memory? Hell the fuck no.
Read 9:52 AM
Of course, that's what this is really about. Something pulls inside me and my breath fans out my cheeks before esxaping into the air in a low sigh.
To: Maria
I thought you guys were over?
Delivered 9:53 AM
From: Maria
On the verge of getting back together
Read 9:54 AM
From: Maria
At least we WERE
Read 9:54 AM
To: Maria
Shit. Im sorry
Delivered 9:56 AM
From: Maria
Not like it matters now
Read 9:56 AM
From: Maria
Do you think we could meet somewhere private to discuss this?
Read 9:57 AM
Meet? Like this would stay 'private' like she wants. Especially with the photos still hot in everyone's minds, the paps will go insane if they see us together. Our band could suffer from this one. My reputation could be swimming down the drain if I say yes, but that's what I find myself doing subconsciously before I even know what's going on.
To: Maria
Yeah, when?
Delivered 10:02 AM
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Half an hour later I'm standing outside her apartment door with my hand raised to knock. This is a bad idea, I muse in my head as my fist raps on the solid wooden door. I hear a scuffle from inside before the door in front of me flies open.
She stands there, and I'm taken back by what I see. Her usually neat hair is pulled back into a large messy knot at the top of her head. Layers of make-up is streaming down her face and the skin is a blotchy red under the mass of colour on her cheekbones, and a slight swell on her cheek.
My eyes widen and I quickly rush inside the apartment before shutting the door, not sure who was watching. "Are you okay?" I mumble before wrapping her in a tight hug.
She sniffles lightly before holding me close. "I'm fine." She whispers.
"This isn't just about the pictures, is it?" I ask as I look back at her, taking closer examination to the swell on her cheek. It's discoloured brown and yellow with a hint of green running through it. One nasty bruise, and I doubt it was self-inflicted.
"It's Mark." She sighs loudly before lifting the hem of her shirt she was wearing. There's another bruise, fist shaped and a deep purple mixed with blue and orange.
"Shit. Why?" I mumble quickly. She pulls back down her shirt.
"The pictures." Maria shrugs lightly. "He thought I'd been cheating on him with you, and that I was whoring around."
My eyes widen, he's a fucking prick. "Did you explain it to him?"
She laughs humourlessly and then turns over to me. "Of course I did." She gestures to her cheek. "It didn't go so well. He called me a lying slut." She adds quickly.
I breathe in deeply before holding and letting it out slowly. It's a trick we learned for stopping panic attacks and to calm ourselves down when we're angry. In this particular moment I don't think panic attack is the reason I'm doing it. I do it again, I'm going to rip Mark limb from limb. In. I'm going to bake him into a cake. Hold. Won't his parents be surprised when they get it. Out. Suprise, your son's a useless bastard.
"Jack?" Maria asks after a few more moments.
"Yeah?" I bite out angrily.
"You okay?" I laugh, probably not the best response to that question.
"Me? I'm fine. What about you?"
She smiles. "I'm fine too."
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
im so cold
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A Love Like War
Fanfiction*Jack Barakat fanfiction* "you're my cheeseball" "only if you're my cheese-penis" *TRIGGER WARNING* I wrote this story in an unstable state of mind, thoughts may portray negitive messages throughout the stpry line. Deals with depression and suicide...
