Facing Death

•12•

Chapter twelve:

I felt hollow once I woke up. Every day for six days. I wake up, Carl brings me food, Daryl tries to talk to me, and me ignoring them. Only for me to go back to sleep.

It was a vicious cycle that I could not get out of. I was disgusted with myself, with my thoughts and emotions.

I was hungry. I always ate whatever they gave me, but it wasn't enough. Not really. Not what I was craving.

But I banished those thoughts each time they arose in my mind. But the will to fight it off became weaker and weaker. Soon, I knew, I would break.

My gun was still on me. None of them knows, but I will shoot myself if it comes down to it. Not that I truly wish to do so.

But when push comes to shove, their safety comes first. Always and forever. They're my family now, but I will never admit it.

But today was different. I stood up, simply feeling numb. No hollowness or aches. No hunger. Just a numb feeling all over my body.

I finally felt stable enough to venture out of my cell. So I unlocked the door, and took one step. The group stopped what they were doing and stared at me. I felt uncomfortable.

"Uh, hey?" I said, more like questioned. Daryl was the first one to move. He speed walked over to me and wrapped me in his arms. A grin spread over my face as happiness consumed me. The first feeling I felt besides self loathing.

"You okay?" He questioned as he still held me tightly.

"I don't know." I replied and pushed him away gently. But I smiled. I smiled broadly and I smiled brightly. Not wanting them to see my true intentions.

The whole day consisted of me bonding with the rest of the group. Just chatting away, hiding my thoughts.

Finally I was left alone with Carl.

"I'm sorry." I told him. Sadness all over my face. A traitorous tear leaked out of my walker eye.

"For what?" He questioned, avoiding eye contact.

"For leaving. For hurting you." I sighed and whiped my face. It was almost sunset, almost time.

"I'm not mad at you Delilah. In fact, I'm ecstatic that you're okay. But I'm scared for you." He finally made dye contact. And what I saw in his beautiful eyes, made me feel guilty.

"I love you." I told him and looked down.

"I love you too." He took my face in his hands, and pressed our lips together. Butterflies exploded in my stomach as true happiness consumed me. But I knew what I had to do, must be done.

I pulled away, smiling at him as he smiled back.

I saw that it was sunset. It was time.

Without a word I stood up from my position on the floor and walked to the cellblock door. I opened it and walked outside. The crimson sky greeted me. The heat radiated on my skin as a smile lit up my face.

It's time. The voice whispered in my head and I nodded.

It's time. I took out my gun from its holster that was hidden under my large shirt.

It's time. I brought the barrel up to my head and scoffed as a walker reached me.

But I didn't know the group was watching me, terrified of what I might do. But they knew it was for the best. Carl and Daryl were being restrained.

It's time. And I pulled the trigger, just as the sun disappeared...