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my mother had held the cross hanging from her neck ever since i left the hospital. her raw eyes still leaving tears by her feet even though i was still alive.

unfortunately.

and i was left awake at two am thinking, "maybe she's crying because i am still alive," and then my mind wonders to why the sirens even decided to sound off for someone as hopeless as me.

i thought that maybe the rope would be the one to take away something like me. i thought that maybe, just maybe, this was the time i would win.

but, like always, i lost against living and death spat on me before telling me that i wasn't worth dying; not just yet.

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