Remembering Lilly Greene

Day 2:

I hate to disappoint you, but I think I did something I wasn't supposed to. On the bright side, it brought back memories. Technically, I think the good outweighs the bad.
I talked to Sean and Ryan today. They came over for a little bit. It was actually fun, we played video games, tossed a football, and tried to use the grill outback.
Here's where I broke the rules: I asked them about Lilly. I know, I know, "that'll mess up the natural process." But I had to ask. They didn't want to say anything at first. I had to beg, which made me feel pretty pathetic. They caved when I asked if they just told me one thing each.
Ryan said that she knew a lot about everything. She had a fact for every single topic of conversation. Sean said she hated my truck.
After they left, I was laying around and thinking about what they had told me. I could almost hear her voice in the back of my head.
"Did you guys know that the first card game was played in China? The Chinese really do invent everything. The first playing card is from the 1400s. Isn't that incredible?" Lilly grinned. We were playing Go Fish with a deck of cards Delilah had bought at the school fundraiser. They had a picture of the school mascot on them.
"It's impressive how much I don't care." Ryan rolled his eyes, stuffing more potato chips into his mouth.
"Potato chips were invented in England. They call them crisps." She said it like it was meant to be an insult.
"Still, I don't care." Lilly punched Ryan's arm, giving him a dirty look. He grinned, crumbs falling from the corners of his mouth.
"Boys are gross." Delilah crossed her legs and delicately placed a chip in her mouth.
"Yeah," Sean agreed. "Why can't everyone just be graceful and smell like vanilla? I mean girls are just soooooo perfect." It was Delilah's turn to punch Sean in the arm.
"You're lucky I date you. Sometimes-" She let out an annoyed sigh, brushing her hair out of her face.
"I like the smell of vanilla. It reminds me of cake. Oh, Lilly, do you have any eights?" I reached out a hand for the cards.
"Nope, go fish."
I don't think any of that is significant, but I remembered it. The truck was a different kind of memory. It made me feel close to her.
"Why do you always get to drive? It's not fair. My car is cuter and nicer and gets better gas mileage. You won't even let me play my music." Lilly whined from the passenger seat.
"Because." That was all I offered as an argument.
"Because you're a stubborn boy? Or because you're a pain in my ass? Or all of the above? I'm really feeling all of the above." She leaned over to turn the music down. She watched me drive for a bit, hands tightly wrapped around the wheel. It was one of those days where she knew I was in a mood. Sometimes she asked why. Sometimes she let it go, bringing it up later when she felt the time was right. I played a game in my head, betting on what she would decide to do. Today, I bet she would ask. I was right.
"Cody? Are you alright?" Her voice was softer, less teasing. It was the same voice that always got me to open up, no matter the circumstances. I nodded slowly.
"Cody, please tell me the truth." She was like a drug, slowly easing my nerves until I couldn't help but relax.
"It's been a year." That was all I felt like saying. She would get it, she always did. I watched and waited. After a short pause, I saw the twitch of recognition. Her eyes saddened, her face becoming soft.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. I knew she meant it. My mom had left a year before and it affected her almost as much as it did me. They were practically best friends, gossiping about girl things and watching romantic movies together. She reached a hand over and pulled one of mine from the wheel. She kissed it gently before holding it in her lap, like some kind of fragile jewel.
When we got back from our drive, we laid in my bed for almost 2 hours. We didn't speak, just let the silence do the talking for us.
Do you get what I mean? I feel closer to her after remembering that. I didn't even remember how involved in my life she was. I know I told her everything. I know she was a part of my family. I wish I remembered it naturally. I wish I didn't need flashbacks to recall what I already know. Is that how everything is going to be?
I feel like I don't have control of my mind anymore. I feel like I'm just sitting here, like a bird in a cage, waiting for someone to feed me information.