Behind Closed Doors

Chapter 5

"You don't have to explain anything to me, but like I've said before be careful."

"Of course." We finished our breakfast, and then sat around talking and watching romantic comedies.  Around seven, my mother went to bed and I began to clean up.  I really needed that time with her.  Her sickness was becoming more and more developed everyday and all I could do was hope for a change.

I took a shower and got ready for bed in my boy shorts and a T-shirt.  As soon as I got settled into my bed I heard light taps against my window. I ignored it assuming it was only the tree, but then it came again and I automatically knew who it was. 

I slipped out of bed and made my way towards the window.  I pulled up the window and stuck my head out of it and came face to face with Connor.  He was only inches away from me, sweat bedding up across his forehead.  I could tell he was tired because his eyes looked a little droopy and his entire attitude spoke drowsy.  I let my eyes travel to his full lips, but quickly caught myself and looked back up into his eyes.  A cocky smirk crossed his lips, and I rolled my eyes in response.

"Connor what are you are doing here?" I whispered.

"I came to see you, can I come in? I walked and my feet are killing me," he explained.  I stepped aside and let him climb through the window and into my room.  After he was inside the room I closed the window and turned and looked at him.

"Why did you walk?" I ask confused. He leaned against my wall and looked over at me.

"It was the only way I could see you.  Pete is around here somewhere, I couldn't leave without him tagging along, but I really wanted to see you. I'm sorry about this morning Jennifer," He explained and pushed himself away from the wall and approached me.  I stood there watching him as he came closer.

He lifted his hand and cupped my cheek, pulling my face closer to his. Before he could kiss me I moved my face away from his and back away. "Connor I know what I said before about wanting to be with you and I do, but I don't think... we should be together.  We can't be together," I breath and look away. 

He sighs and moves away from me, running his hands through his hair in pure frustration.  "You're doing it again."

"Yes I am because I think its right, look Connor, you're getting married and I feel like such a...homewrecker.  We shouldn't be doing this, this isn't right."

"Please. Make up your mind, Jennifer. I can't keep going backwards and forth with you.  I don't want to keep doing this with you, I just want to go forward," he said.

"We can't go forward.  I don't want to be that girl who's Jealous of your fiancée or your wife for that matter. I want to..." I stopped. I was about to say Be your Wife, but I stopped myself.  What was I doing? What was I saying? I didn't even know why I would ever think that I could be his wife, it was preposterous.

"What Jenny?" He asked, the nickname snapping me out of my thoughts.

"You have to go," I reply.

"Jenny we were just getting somewhere, you can't keep doing this to me.  Every time I try to become closer to you, you push me away."

"Connor....I don't want to be just a mistress to you."

"What do you want to be?"

"I want to be able to... never mind. It can't happen, just if you're staying the night then I'll grab some blankets for you," I said and he grabbed my arm pulling me to him.

"I did not walk from Buckingham to your house trying desperately to avoid cameras, people and my security to sleep on the floor, not to mention my grand mum, I had to climb a few fences to get here and I'm pretty sure Pete's pissed at me right now."