Fireflies »Shyler«

One | Shannon.

It had been months and I could still feel the ghostly trail from where his hands slipped over my stomach, tapping at the ink stained skin, and unbuttoned my shorts. I hadn't been the same since that rainy evening, that truly unforgettable experience where so much emotion flooded into me at once. I felt sorrow, remorse, fear even just from him being so close. The ability to feel his breath against my tender skin was unbearable, overwhelming even. But yet I still craved him in ways I could have never wanted someone before.
I turned over in my satin dressed bed, the texture of the fluffy pillows cushioned my puffy cheeks, my eyes red and blood shot from crying. I had been this way for longer than I cared to think of, this depression seemed as though it would never pass. Like a constant shadow of mixed emotions covered by a looming dark cloud. My mind was rocky and was twisted in unsettling ways. I had no right to feel this way for there was nothing for me to feel like this about, I had made my choice and he had made his. It was over and there was no hope of getting it back, that had become apparent to me when we cut contact with each other. Never reading not replying to my texts or calls or even as much as glancing at my tweets or direct messages from any other social media, yes, that was his choice and I could not change that no matter how much I wanted to.
My fans had become increasingly aware of my absence as time passed, my career was suffer and as was my sanity, but what could I do to fix that? Especially when I could as much as find the effort to drag myself from my bed to as much as eat, I grew thin at an alarming rate.
When I did find the inspiration to tweet or film a video just to show my fans that I was here and to dispel the rumors, which were most likely starting to build up again, it always ended worse than it had begun. I was in no state nor right mind to do anything publicly so I lay there, I lay there and waited for this to be over with. I lay there until one day I could hopefully realise how utterly stupid of me it was to lie here alone and think of a boy who had most likely moved on from me and found someone better.
A knock on the hard wood door startled me enough for me to shut my eyes tightly and hope, just hope, Tyler had come back.
"Shannon?" A feminine voice came, shoving the idea of Tyler out of the question and instead shattering my heart again. The door creaked open and my younger sister, Bailey, stepped in. Her stockings slipped against the flooring and I didn't as much as bother to turn my head to look at her. Not when I had looked like this.
Something was placed on my night stand and the warmth of another body filled the empty space beside me and Bailey laid her head on the other pillow and wrapped her slender arms around my frail body, pulling me into an embrace as she then moved her head to rest against my back.
"I'm sorry that you feel like this Shannon, but you have to eat. Please." Bailey spoke in a hushed voice as I felt silent tears slip down my cheeks and land on my pillow, my bottom lip quivering as I held back a son and didn't reply to her. I had upset my own family by the actions I didn't realise I couldn't control. We stayed in that position for several minutes before Bailey gave up and left the room, leaving the door open a crack.
I knew I couldn't live in this fashion, a decaying body stuck in bed mopping about a boy. I rested my hand to the bed and begun to push myself up into a sitting position, at first it was difficult to hold up my figure but I managed, I looked around the room. The curtains were closed, covering the blinding sunlight from etching life into the dull, dark room.
I turned to the nightstand, collecting up the glass of water and plate with several warm breakfast items. I analysed the plate briefly, breaking down each piece of food from Bacon to an egg. It did look quite appealing and my stomach growled at me to at least eat a little. A little turned to a lot and soon after quite a bit of the food was gone from the now dirty plate, a small portion remaining.
I moved the plate and now empty glass away from myself as I attempted to get up from the bed I hadn't moved from in so long. The only times I had moved was for the bathroom and to close the door whenever it was left open. This time I rose to my now shaky legs which carried me to the mirror do I could scan my appearance. My eyes were dark and cloudy and my skin was pale and thin, a clearly visible rib cage stood out to me the most. The ink staining my skin still scrawled beautiful patterns across the paler skin. Make up stained my cheeks and smudged again my skin.
I couldn't live like this any longer and I had now decided for a change in lifestyle. I moved towards my closet and pulled out some loose fitting clothes, pulling them over my fragile body, I wiped off the make up and applied a neater coat of the products. For the first time in about three months, I had decided that a video was the first place to start, I was going to make a difference to how I was living and it was going to start right now.
As the camera began to record I inhaled deeply and looked at the camera. Four words rushed to mind straight away and I felt like I was at home.
"Hey there! I'm Shannon!"