To Be or Not To Be? That is the Question.

Chapter 2

"There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher."

- Victor Hugo, Les Misérables.

Chapter 2:

I woke up to see a hard wooden dusty floor. My back ached as much as my stomach did. I groaned into the floor, wondering why I had ended up like this. I looked around me and noticed that I was still inside my hiding spot. I remembered there being a window in this room, but there wasn't any view except a brick wall. Though, even with the brick wall there, all I wanted to do right now is see what time of day it was. If it was too dark outside, I knew I would have to spend the night here like I did sometimes before, but if it was still day time, I would be taking a long walk back to the wretched placed I called my home. How I hated that place. Mrs. Barnes, my foster mom never wanted or cared if I was there. She never noticed when I came in at the brink of midnight and I bet right now she was just shopping away somewhere. She was enjoying all of the money that she was given by the government without a free care in the world. No words can describe how I hated her and her selfish habits.

Why was it that my mother left me with that filthy woman, that I have to call 'mother' around other people? Why didn't she keep me? Those questions can never be answered because apparently she was dead. Mrs. Barnes had told me that when I was younger and still does til this day. I cannot go one day without her yelling out, "No one wanted you! Not even your parents. I bet she got knocked up with you by some one night stand and as soon as she found the chance to get rid of you, she took her own life!" I hated how she took my life as a humor to her and I never did anything about it. It was almost like everything I did in life always had its own consequences. That's why life is unfair. It's either you are lucky or you're not.

I always think that life is somewhat against me, because not once had I earned any sprinkle of luck. Luck was extremely rare in my lifetime and I don't think I will ever see it. If god answered my prayers it would be a true blessing, that's what I hoped for. Deep inside of me, I had faith that maybe my pleads for a better life would come true. I am always apologizing that I think of suicide, for that will guide me to hell and not heaven. But what's the use when I am always so miserable? Life is no life for me- it's just death.

I went up on my feet, and stretched. My back cracking had me sagging in relief before I wend over to the window. Pulling open the curtain that was actually a tattered blanket, bright light blinded my eyes and I had to quickly shut them so my eyes could adjust. In a slow motion, my eyebrows furrowed together as a frown immediately sprung on my once tired face. Why was it so bright? I came here around one in the afternoon yesterday, when it was pouring rain. I was sure the forecast said on the news a couple days ago, that yesterday would be raining all day. I believe that static channel that I once in while got to watch in my foster home. They were right every time, so what was it?

I remembered there was a small clock that was somewhere on the wall in the room. I kept the curtain wide open for the light to sink into the room. That way I could see better and could make out where the clock was. I knew it was somewhere around here... After a while of searching, I had finally found it beneath a pile of sheets that I kept here. How it got under there, the world may never know. I for sure wouldn't remember anything.

I glanced at the wounds that were all over my body and the flash of everything that happened those couple of days ago came back to me.

*Flash Back*

"What a monster she was!"

"Look at those terrible locks of hair! Does she even brush it?"

"I bet it's a weave... No she can't afford that, maybe it's some hobo's wig that she stole!"

I woke up that morning happy that the Television was actually working. Working meaning that you could see some images here and there and the rest was all static. But like it mattered! Having television was possibly the only thing, I can bring myself to enjoy.