Scissors

VI

Jason and I never spoke again.

I avoided him like he asked i did. We never ate together again.....it was never the same again. I went back to my normal group of morons, each too absorbed in their own lives to form real relationships with each other. that was the kind of crowd i needed. People that did not get too attached even though you couldn't be who they want you to be.

In the Tenth Grade, things were much different. The normal group of detached people began to look for attachments. It wasn't anything casual though. Girls got abit louder, boys were a bit dirtier and everyone was a bit more aware of their body than they were before. I bet it was the summer that did it to us. Everyone usually metamorphosed during summer, it's the time to find that new you and all.

I don't know Doc, but by the time we came back, nobody was the same. Even Jason had changed. He wasn't as loud as he used to be. his skin was darker than it used to be and i had heard from someone, that he had gone to spend his summer in Nigeria.

He was still a superior being in every way. His walk, the dignified strides, far reaching and quick. The way he seemed to be too focused on one thing. I never approached him, we never talked unless you counted the few and very accidental times we happened to be in the same class and he asked me for a pen. I was never able to make my vocal chords work to say yes or no and my neck seemed to stiff to make my head nod. In seconds, the moment would be over and he would roll his eyes, his jaw grinding.

Things with my mother went as south as they could until finally, we were done with the downwards spiral and had hit rock bottom. She quit her Job and never went out. She sent me to buy her liquor sometimes from a neighbour who was always as drunk as my mother.

It wasn't living, but i made the best out of it.

I found that my thoughts were getting darker. No, doc, not really. I didn't notice those till much later. They did get darker, my thoughts and I was a whole world sadder, but life went on. I wished pain on everyone and forgave very few people. I refused to get attached again.

Did you use this null period for any personal pursuits? how were your grades?

My grades were perfect. They did slip after Dad left, but i got them back up again and infact did a bit too well. I had always been proud of the fact that i was smart enough to stay in the gray when it came to attention and teacher's.But, my high grades ruined that. I was moved into advanced classes and was practically the biology teacher's best. I did not like it. I mean, the whole point of having that many classes to move from is so that we learn to be independent, no attachments? teachers don't get to pick favourites, right?

I thought myself to play the piano, but i never did any lessons.

Things definitely would have remained this way, but fate does have a way of pushing you into situations you never dreamed of.

I avoided eating at lunch, the food could never stay down anyways so i went to the music room. It had this pretty neat grand piano and i liked playing it right at the peak of lunch time when even the teachers were feeling too relaxed to bother.

The ivory white keys of the piano were cool to touch. sleek and shiny not even a layer of dust. People must have played it a lot don't you think?

Anyway, i wish i could say i lost myself in whenever i played, that the soulful music took me to a happier place, but really i was just looking for some background music while i wallowed in my new found self pity.

"how can you play that?" I froze, my hands backed away from the keys and i turned to find Greta grinning at me.

"If there's one thing i know about you, it's that you don't play" she walked up closer to me.